on your mark, get set...

All around me I'm hearing about people starting their holiday decorating. Whether they're buying Christmas trees, getting ready for Hanukkah or celebrating another holiday altogether, it seems like there are a lot of people who look at Dec. 1st as the magic "get ready" date.


As a person who never buys a tree until the middle of December at the earliest, I'm always in awe that there are so many organized souls in the world. If I unearth our advent calendar by Dec. 10th, I figure I'm ahead of the game. And let's not even get into the whole cards/presents/holiday baking thing. I can't even go there until the smell of pumpkin pie is completely gone from my house.


Anyone want to let us in on how you handle this in your home? And one more thing - do many people actually send cards anymore, or is this a dying trend? I'm really curious.

shades of grey

Sasquatch and I had to have a long discussion today about the concept of "black and white". He's sixteen and he's male, so I completely understand that he sees the world in a very cut and dried way. I'm not sixteen and I'm not male, and I've learned that more often than not, grey is the overriding hue in the world. Things aren't usually cut and dried, they aren't usually all good or all bad, all right or all wrong. Life can be murky, but I think the ability to understand that comes with experience. Today, he got some experience.



It's no secret that he is very angry with his father and has been since March. He barely talks to him, and has spent only a couple of nights at his father's new house. The other boys go and hang out, but not Sasquatch. He stays here or he goes to a friend's house. I've talked and talked - to both of them - and finally realized that there's only so much power I have. At this point it's up to them. I can't do it for them. I know the FX wants to make it right, but doesn't know how. I know Sasquatch thinks he could care less about his father, but I don't believe it for a second. I know the two of them are so similar it hurts, but neither one of them see it. I'd laugh, except that it isn't remotely funny.



Sasquatch did not want the FX to come here for Thanksgiving. He's been saying for weeks that it would ruin his holiday. At first I tried to reason with him, then I tried to appeal to his better instincts, and then, having no success with either of those, I just started ignoring him. It was already a done deal. This was very important to the other two boys. I was beginning to suspect that it was more important to the FX than I might have initially thought. I was okay with it. I'm in this for the long haul, and was looking at it as the first of many such situations that I have to look forward to in my life. It's not negotiable. We will have an amicible relationship for our children. Period.


This isn't to say that we'll spend all of our holidays together. Far from it. But this is the first one (second if you count Halloween, and we did that together too), and I think the younger boys felt really good having it to look forward to. Not Sasquatch. So this afternoon we had another come to jesus talk in the kitchen while I was peeling potatoes. He was not happy, still convinced that his father's presence would ruin his day. Doesn't he have anywhere else to go, he asked? Does he not realize that he gave up family holidays when he decided to leave his family? How could he show up at your house and expect you to be happy to see him after the way he treated you? Don't you see how awkward it's going to be with our other guests? Can't you just call him and tell him not to come?


Black and white. Black and white.


It was hard to even know where to start. Our other guests were my friend Stacey and her family, and we've celebrated lots of holidays and occasions together. She and her husband are grown-ups, and I knew there would be no angst caused by them, even though they have stayed "my" friends. Your father did not divorce the whole family, he divorced me. I'm sure there are plenty of other places he could go, but he'd like to come here. Do you have any idea, I asked, what it must be like to go from living here to living all alone most of the time? Do you not think he knows how angry you are, or how helpless he feels in dealing with it? Do you think you could even remotely consider that at some point in your life you may change your mind and want a relationship with your dad, and that maybe it's a bad idea to slam doors shut too fast?


And then I played my trump card. Listen, I said, it's been a really crazy year. But if you're doing this out of a sense of loyalty to me, you need to stop and consider something. I'm happier than I ever remember being. I feel bad even saying it, but this has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me. If you're angry at him for you, that's totally okay. But don't be angry at him for me. Because I'm not anymore. I'm genuinely, truly okay. Could you just go into it with an open mind?



He wasn't happy about it, but he did. And we had a lovely night - all around. Sure there were undercurrents, and sure there are awkward things with the transition into our new life. It's hard to sit across a table from someone in a position you've been in hundreds of times and all of a sudden go Wow, this is totally different. It's weird to entertain someone in a house they use to live in. It's strange to see vulnerability in a person who has created such upheaval in your life. It's bizarre to realize that you really are done, and even wilder to feel more peaceful about it by the day. But in the end, I looked at my smiling kids - all three of them - and did say my silent words of what I was thankful for this year. I'm thankful for two adults who continue to put their children first, no matter what. May it long continue.


When everyone had left, Sasquatch found me in the kitchen again and thanked me. You were right, he said, that was really nice. It all worked out great and Dad and the boys seemed really happy that he was here.


I noticed he didn't add himself into that, but he didn't need to. I may not be big on black and white, but I can read grey pretty well.

giving thanks

Ah, yes. Thanksgiving. It's tomorrow, right?


Like I'd forget. For some reason Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday around here, and not just because we all eat like garbage scows. I'm honestly not sure what the big appeal is, but since it's so hard to get a majority on anything in this house, I'll take it no matter what. It may be my last one until next Thanksgiving.



The food will be what it always is - pretty traditional stuff. Surfer Dude and I will do a bunch of stuff ahead of time today - just like we always do. I did all of my shopping last week to avoid getting caught in horrendous grocery lines, so I've got a second wind for the cooking. We're brining the turkey this year for the first time - cross your fingers. And we've got some friends coming over for dinner - which will make the day especially nice.


The elephant in the room, of course, is that this is our first post-divorce holiday. But in the continuing amiability that is my divorce, we've invited the FX to come and eat with us. This was very important to Gumby and Surfer Dude, so it's what we're doing. I've said all along that if we could get the kids through this relatively unscathed, then it would be very possible to have a happy ending. I'm sure it'll get weird, but what the hell. It can't get much weirder than the rest of the year has been.


One thing I think we'll need to do differently is going around the table and having everyone say one thing they're thankful for. That will probably be better avoided this year, because it could get pretty sticky. I'll say mine mentally, though. Because I know exactly what I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving.


I just don't think it would go over too well.

trick or treat

We live in the artsy-fartsty section of town and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love our neighborhood, with all its quirks and eccentricities, and have always looked forward to Halloween for the effort that people put into their houses. This is one of the areas that attracts people from other parts of town, partly because we get into it so much, but also just because of the feel. It's a pretty cozy place to be, and the fact that there's chocolate involved only makes it better.


There were a few things that stood out. The house down the street where the kids all got Reeses Peanut Butter cups and the adults all got big cups of hot apple cider (and a generous slug of rum). The fact that Surder Dude's teacher was trick or treating in our neighborhood with her kids - and wearing a strictly forbidden during work hours political t-shirt. I think she passed 90% of her students, and they all said "oooh...are you allowed to wear that?" The fact that the two other adults I was with fessed up that their favorite part of Halloween was being able to look in people's houses after dark and check out their paint colors and architecture. (Whew. I thought it was just me).


But the "highlight" of the evening was the house toward the very end of our route. It was getting late, and as we approached the (well-lit and decorated) porch, the kids noticed a sign that said (in big letters) TAKE ONE. So they raced onto the porch, expecting to TAKE ONE piece of candy, and this is what they found:


A bottle of shampoo

A roll of toilet paper

A flashlight

A pack of gum

A pile of business cards from a local private investigator

A can of pork and beans

Discount coupons for a restaurant that doesn't exist anymore

A bunch of books of matches

A pack of baby wipes

and my personal favorite

A big can of saurkraut


It must have been a trick. Because it was certainly no treat.

2007 R.I.P.

HAPPY 2008 TO EVERYONE!
MAY IT BE ALL YOU WANT IT TO BE!

a toast...

Does my blog look different to you at all? Perhaps the writing is a little sharper or the turn of phrase more interesting? No? Are the colors more vibrant, the birds singing loudly, the stars in perfect alignment? Well, darn it, they should be, considering that I'm writing this post on...

my new laptop!!

Mine, mine, mine...all mine!!

(And, in a perfectly timed accompaniment to that announcement, I lost my wireless connection the instant I typed the word "laptop" and my screen went black. Ah yes, technology).

Now, hours later, life is truly good. The red headed step child has set up the laptop so it does what it's supposed to - more or less. Sasquatch and his friends are upstairs on the computer I always use and...I don't care. I cannot tell you how good that feels. I. Don't. Care.

Heh.

Christmas around here was awfully peaceful. We decided this year that instead of giving a whole lot of small items that would be destroyed in almost no time, we would give each kid one big thing - preferably a) electronic and b) something that would simplify our lives by reducing fighting over certain items in the house. So (by combining gift funds with my folks) Sasquatch got a video iPod, Gumby got a laptop and Surfer Dude got a video camera of his own. You've gotta love eBay, which was my addiction of choice pre-blogging. All of the kids were thrilled, which may have been a first. The Film Geek got a super expensive science fiction model that he said he had wanted since he was in third grade, and I...


Was blindsided by a laptop from my mom and Stu. I had tried to keep up such a good face during the whole process of buying Gumby's, but boy, I wanted it myself. When I opened my gift Christmas morning, I actually cried. Fat, hot tears. It was pathetic. The Film Geek had gotten me a wireless card and mouse and a carrying case, so I was totally set. I would be very hard pressed to think of a gift that has ever made me happier. Mom and Stu - mwah - and mwah again! And FG for the sweet accessories -thanks to you, too.

Our Christmas dinner went very peacefully, too. It was just a nice, nice day all around. Very low stress, a houseful of people we know well (they might say too well) and, above all, contented children. (Except for the brief period where one of the little girls of our friends threatened to throw SD's new video camera in the fireplace, and, lacking a subtle bone in his body, he wiped macaroni and cheese on her brand new faux fur coat that she had been blissfully wearing all day. God alone knows what he did to her to provoke the fireplace threat or if she just instinctively knew how to pull his chain. Either way, it was ugly. At least the food washed out). I gave the little girl's mom a "what are you gonna do?" look and poured another glass of wine. Large.

And on a personal note (like this whole blog isn't a personal note) -

Happy Birthday to my own sweet Gumby. Twelve years old today!!

have yourselves...

Last week, laurie asked us what our favorite Christmas song was, and like an idiot I completely forgot this one. I think this is the top spot on my list - hands down.




I've been humming it all day. I re-finished up my Christmas shopping (after mistakenly buying Surfer Dude a DVD he already had), bought the last of the Dirty Santa gifts for the Christmas Dinner at our house and made tamales until I was getting some kind of a corn meal high. And the whole time this song was running through my head. It's a sweet song, but there's something kind of melancholy about it.

Not that I'm melancholy. Far from it. I'm not thrilled I'm working today, but I'll get over it. With any luck it will be slow, but not so slow that it drags. All of our ordered Christmas gifts are here except for Sasquatch's (I can't say what it is in case he reads this for the first time in his entire life), which shipped Priority Wednesday and really should have come yesterday. That's gonna stress me out if it doesn't get here tomorrow, but he's already said he would be willing to wait for it. I hope it doesn't come to that. It is hard being away from all of our family this time of year - I won't lie. But we've been lucky enough to build a fabulous extended family here. That helps a lot.

We have our usual group of friends (plus possibly a new family - old friends, but new to this occasion) coming for potluck Christmas dinner. We crack me up this time of year. We have two families (including us) that have always celebrated Christmas, one that used to celebrate Hanukkah but converted, and the new ones used to be of the Christmas persuasion but now go the Hanukkah route. Their plans are being dictated by a grandma in the hospital, but I suppose if they come we'll change the Dirty Santa name to something more generic. Dirty Dubya, or something. (Because it would be so refreshing to laugh with him for a change).

I'm going to take a few days off of posting, because between working and the kid chaos it could be a little tricky. My kids are so excited they're practically crackling. I'll be back posting on Thursday, bright and early. Maybe this will give me a chance to catch up on all the blogs I'm so stinking behind on. From my mouth to Santa's ear.

I hope you have yourselves a merry little Christmas. (Or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Boxing Day or whatever you celebrate). Every time I look at my Blogger Dashboard and see that there are comments from you all, I feel like Christmas has come a little early anyway. And you lot just may be the best gift I've ever gotten.

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Update: IT CAME!!!!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

The Film Geek and I are having a disagreement. I think the snowstorm we've been having all day is the heaviest snow we've had since we've lived here. He thinks we've had heavier. When I ask him to tell me when, he isn't able to pinpoint it. If I had to take a guess, I'd say I'm right. But it's just a guess. (And my guess, to boot).


We've had a lovely indoor day. As the wind picked up and the temperature dropped, the snow really got heavy. I did have to run across town unexpectedly right around dusk, which I'm sure infuriated anyone behind me who wanted to go more than 7 mph. Tough. I think I've gone on record more than once on never wanting to be a patient in my own ER. Ticking off fellow motorists is a small price to pay. And I'm never more of a Southern Californian than when I'm driving in snow. If I were a native Midwesterner I'd hate me.


I've tried several times today to take pictures, but the snow is so heavy I'm afraid of messing up the FG's super deluxe digital camera. So you'll have to take my word for it. I'll find some representative picture, but it won't actually be us. (Okay, I found one. But the picture above doesn't even begin to portray the snow on the ground. I like it, though).


Well, that was your weather update at the top of the hour. I'm off to throw another log on the fire.

Oh...and three guesses what I did again today...

tree at last, tree at last

My family - they never agree
Too many opinions, you see
so you can just guess
the unholy mess
When we go to pick out our tree.

The dad walked away in despair
Hands thrown up high in the air
then mom grabbed a tree still bound tight
said Let's take our chances tonight
It may be insane but it's fair.

So on to the car it did go
Strapped down through the windows, you know
but the windows stayed down
found next day with a frown
When the whole car was filled with fresh snow.

But all of that's now in the past
The car should dry out pretty fast
the tree's a delight
the kid's faces alight
Everyone happy - at last.