Thursday, August 20, 2009

two months of excuses - part one



In typical fashion, I've taken something that looks bad enough by itself and made it worse by dragging my feet. Procrastination isn't something that normally turns up on my (getting longer by the day) fault list, but perhaps I need to re-examine that. I've turned a lot of my personal lists upside down this summer, so it would stand to reason that not everything will be a "positive". Oh, well. It is what it is, and even though I'm afraid you're all going to find my reasoning kind of flimsy, I hope you'll maybe cut me a little slack this one (two? three?) time(s). Even if not for any reason other than the fact that I'm asking really nicely. It's not much, but it's all I've got.


Trust me. It has been that kind of a summer.


My first clue was my wholly unexpected reaction to two of my three kids being gone. One was away for a month and the other for about two weeks between two different trips. I stressed mightily for weeks leading up to their departures and worried that I would be a basket case the whole time they were gone. That was my expectation anyway, and, based on previous experiences, I had no reason to think it would go any other way. So with fear and trepidation I put them each on a plane and headed home to have a nervous breakdown.


I can't remember a time in my life when I've had more fun.


If this summer had a key word to it, one simple tag to describe the whole damn thing, it would be timing. Timing has affected every single aspect of the last few months - for better, for worse, for right, for wrong...for real. The marquis boxing match of the summer featured the heavyweights of Timing vs. Control, and although the fight went the full nine rounds it ended with a pretty spectacular knock-out. I'm not sure anyone believes that a control freak can really change her spots, but I'm officially laying down the gauntlet. I bow to the power of timing, in a way I never would have before. Sometimes the fight just isn't even worth it. And let me tell you right now...that's a hell of a lesson to learn at my age.


My kids left town right about the time that I mentally reached the end of my (self-imposed) year of hiding out. Since January 2008 I've gone to work and come straight home. I've kept food on the table and dog bowls full. I've done the kid things I needed to do and avoided the rest. I've done the dishes and the laundry and not much else. I'm still not sure why I felt I had to retreat entirely, but that's exactly what I did. I've turned down social invitations, I've turned down friends, I've turned down men, I've turned down life. I was ready to start living again.


And this is exactly where the timing stars start to collide.

49 comments:

Bella said...

hi there, stumbled on your blog one day through a link list somewhere, and have enjoyed it. Glad to see you're back and working through it. love the video, thanx.

Lisa Abbott said...

I am very happy that you are back!

aims said...

Girl - I thought you had forgotten about us. I am so glad to hear that for once something took precedence over us.

I somehow felt when you were moaning about your kids being gone that you were in for a surprise. I'm delighted to see it came true.

We're adults. We need to live as adults do. Not as a maid, a doormat, or a mother. We need to live for us too.

Go on and do it. If you don't get back here for another two months...I won't mind.

Devon said...

Welcome to the Zen fish bowl! Don't worry, be happy. 2006 was the year of my mental retreat. I had a relationship and a job end and just needed to have solitude to work through it.

I really understand what it means to just get through the day. When the timing is right, you will emerge like the new butterfly you are!

I'm happy that you are back and still so beautifully honest. Don't worry about us, we all have lives, but love to follow your confessions!

Frances said...

Yay. Glad you had a good time. AT LAST
hugs

speccy said...

Hurray! You're having fun
Hurray! You're back
Looking forward to catching up, whenever you get a chance :)

Rudee said...

Well this should be interesting.

Akelamalu said...

Good to see you back and I can't wait to hear all about what you've been up to! x

flowerchild(: said...

Glad you're back! Can't wait for the next one!

Tians.sis said...

This has always been one of my favorite videos.........hope your back to stay awhile.

Amy said...

Glad your stars aligned.

LFG said...

let's start a pool. Date of next post. I'll take the 27th.

Frances said...

LOL LFG - bad boy.

What is the maximum length of time she can keep us coming back before we give up waiting for another post?

Cheryl said...

Glad you danced......

Mya said...

Hey, you're back! I usually blame alien abduction for my absences - yours sound much more fun!

Mya x

Thumbelina said...

Oh boy am I glad I still cruise around the blogosphere. I am sitting back, getting comfortable, and ready to read what promises to be and incredible ride.

Or at least a butterfly emerging.

Devon said...

LFG, I've got the 8th.

Tians.sis said...

LFG and Devon:My money is on the 23rd.

Iota said...

I wonder if there are some words of wisdom coming for me, as youngest starts school. That's me at home for 6 hours a day on my own, and a visa that doesn't allow me get paid employment.

LFG said...

8th of never ? I thought I was being a optimist & priming the pump. time will tell.

Frances said...

my bet is on whenever.

Flutterby said...

OK, this is a start.

flowerchild(: said...

I give the 28th too LFG. Ah well, let's give her her time. Sure she's very busy.

Pamela said...

I can't wait for the rest of the story

LFG said...

if you're waiting 'till the 27th to make me look good, thank you. I was expecting my guess to push you towards a earlier post, for the opposite result.

Marti said...

Glad to see you back RC. I cant wait to read what happened this summer! Maybe I was an indavertant part of it since I took one of your babies away for awhile.

Tians.sis said...

I lose,I should know better than to gamble.

Southern Drawl said...

OK since you are alive and well all is forgiven... I'm so glad you have had a good summer... so very, very happy for you...

Frances said...

so wnenever it is then. LOL

Kila said...

Hooray! Good for you. What did the stars send you?

LFG said...

Okay. I lose. It's safe to post now.

Daryl said...

Glad you are back and I cant wait to the rest of this ... I know there's more ..

Tians.sis said...

Summer has turned to fall and still no word from our little correspondent.

Katy said...

Not to be pushy, but is there a part two?

aims said...

Hmmmmmm - I note a great deal of change over the summer and since you went private and came back.

Sometimes I feel exactly like you. I use to blog every single day - now I only do it when I feel I must or feel really moved by an idea.

That is okay I think. It's our life - our blog - we can do what we like. Shame when you get missed so much though isn't it?

speccy said...

It's true, we don't need excuses, or even a part two. We'd just love to know that you're well.
And if you've decided to stop blogging, we will survive!

Frances said...

So long, it's been good to know ya.

Jane said...

You go girl! Great to see you getting back into the game! It's all ahead of you, you know!!

Nishant said...

I am so glad to hear that for once something took precedence over us.
Domain registration india

Jo Beaufoix said...

So glad you're feeling good. It's been a hell of time for you lovely, but you've probably done the healthiest thing possible in retreating from life for a bit and giving yourself from time. Welcome back though. Hugs. x

softinthehead said...

RC I hope this long gap in communication means you are dancing not sitting it out :) Hurry up we want to hear all about it.

Thumbelina said...

Okay.
The interval between part one and part two is now getting uncomfortably long! I hope you're ok and all those around you are, and as another commenter said that you are dancing, not sitting it out (or crying.)

Give us a couple of lines when you're up to it to let us know you're ok. :)

jojo said...

been lurkin' for a while, we passed each other on the buzz. I think we both have just rejoined the land of the living! so any way Hi, my name is JoJo. Hope you'll stop by!

Thumbelina said...

Keep smiling RC.
Thinking of you.

(((hugs)))
C.

Pamela said...

it's a new year?

PjD said...

can i post here?

Nurse Pickles said...

Dear RC,
I hope you are well. I've been thinking about you a lot, as I have recently gone back to work, and reformatted my blog to reflect that (You'll remember me as Thalia's Child, if you remember me at all).

It's weird how these bloggy relationships go - I keep wondering how you are, if you are okay, etc, and yet, I wouldn't be able to pick you out of a crowd.

At any rate, wishing you the best.

TC (Now more commonly known as Nurse Pickles)

Nearlydawn said...

You know... I think of you often when I'm catching up on my blogger buddies. I hope all is going well for you. If it isn't, I sure hope it will be soon.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Just popping in to say hello lovely. Hope you're having a fab time. xx