middle aged teenagers

It's not easy being female. At any age.


When I was a teenager, I combed lemon juice through my hair, slathered coconut oil all over myself and sunbathed to within an inch of my life. The more tan I was, the less my acne showed, which was always a plus. And any lemon juice prompted blonde highlights in my Roseanne Rosannadanna hair at least attempted to hide the frizz. At five feet ten inches tall, I weighed 120 pounds and was constantly trying to "get" skinny.


I don't try so hard anymore, but I still make kind of an effort. Just last week, I spent an hour or so trying. My hair was piled on my head with a deep conditioner slathered on, I had a biore pore patch on my nose to rip out blackheads, a jar of moisturizer next to me to put on my dry skin after my acne treatment was over...and I was plucking dark hairs out of my chin. Am I in adolescence or menopause? And is there a significant difference?


This is just so unfair. No one should have to buy both wrinkle lotion and zit cream. Long, luxurious tresses should be on your head, not on your legs. You can't even go out and get a tan to cover your wrinkles, since now they tell us that this is how we got the wrinkles to start with. This is not the way it's supposed to be. I try to not fall into the pop culture trap of "needing" to be a size two, or that "blondes have more fun", or that no one over thirty can be as interesting as a twenty year old. I'm comfortable with myself, flaws and all, but even I have limits.


On the other hand, at least my mustache covers up my acne.