do not pass Go

I've been reading a very interesting book called Split: A Memoir of Divorce, by Suzanne Finnamore. It's the story of a Marin wife, mom and writer who has it all until her husband comes home one day and out of the blue tells her he wants a divorce. And while it wouldn't be the divorce memoir that I would write, she has a really funny way of looking at things that makes you laugh out loud while at the same time putting your lawyer on speed dial.


One piece has her creating a divorce board game (a la Monopoly) with her mother. In this game you must navigate the various steps of marriage and divorce. As you pass each "milestone" you get to cross it off. Here are all of the passages:

Infatuation

Joy

Pressure

Marriage

Honeymoon

Parties

Weekends away

Domestication

Baby

Conflict over childcare

Neglect of wife

Belligerence

Depression

Paranoia

Beginnings of the I'm Not Happy speech

Infidelity

Trying to save marriage

Hopelessness

Panic

Gaslight torture time: Husband denies everything

Ineffectual marriage counseling

More panic

The walkout

Shock

Single parenthood

Denial

Trying to make it okay

The outing of the mistress

Rage

Resignation

Divorce

Financial chaos

Bitterness

Grief

Surviving

Contentment

Joy


She describes the game like this: you can play as many times as you like, but nobody ever wins.


I ran down the list checking off all the things that have already been done and putting little mental marks next to the ones I know are coming. Some are pending, and oddly enough it's those that carry me through. I like board games. As a kid, I played Monopoly for hours with my best friend, even having all weekend marathons that always involved stashed money and temper tantrums.


But as an adult, the game lost its appeal. Who needs a board game to go around in circles and never have enough money for rent? I can do that just fine on my own.


I think that could be a major problem in marketing the Divorce board game. Too many of us are already playing on our own.

who writes these things anyway??

You Had a Fantastic Year!

You Had a Fantastic Year!!!! Compared to most years, last year was definitely great. Overall, you're living a much better life than you were twelve months ago. And nothing is a better mark of a good year. Here's to hoping next year is even better!

How Did Your Year Rate?

what? no Yugo?

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

ever forward

Little baby steps out of my comfort zone...and it feels good.


I've just gotten home - at midnight- after a night out. And on a "school night" no less. I'm such a homebody that simply dragging me out the door is a job. Thank god I have friends who are up to the task.


Breathe...

bunny suicides

I was on the phone with a kind of casual friend and something I inadvertently said triggered her charitable instinct. "My husband will be home for lunch in about half an hour," she said. "Please let me send him over to help you." I was in my backyard at the time, hunting for the newspaper, and I was cranky.


Absolutely not, said I. I positively refuse to be one of those single women who wear out her friend's husbands with her household needs. I. Will. Not. Do. It. I was climbing on my soapbox when something caught my eye in my peripheral vision. I turned around for a better view. And then I looked yet again, aghast.


It was a bunny. A baby bunny. In the air. A baby bunny being tossed from one Lab to another, with each one taking a big chomp and then hanging on until the other one came to wrestle it out of their mouth. Before I knew it, another baby bunny ran across the yard and Dee Dee, the fattest dog in the northern hemisphere, nailed it as it scurried. I had no idea she could move that fast for anything that didn't involve Milk Bones. Now I had two dogs tossing two bunnies, and I, who can take indescribable grossness in humans and yet cannot stand it in animals, was screaming for the kids to stay inside. (I feel that I have to point out that The Most Perfect Dog in The Universe was in the house for the entire episode. Gee. Like I'm surprised. Hello. Perfect).


And as I stood there , after the fact, shoveling dead bunnies into the trash with kids shrieking at dogs who were truly only following their instinct, I regretted my quick refusal of help. Because I've gotta tell you...I could have used it.

the RC experiment

Surfer Dude is absolutely obsessed with a show called The Alaska Experiment on Discovery. We watch this over and over on on-demand, and he is fascinated by the entire concept. I'll admit that it's intriguing. They took four groups of people (two youngish married couples, a father and two twenty something daughters, and a group of three friends - two men and a woman- who had known each other for a long time) and they forced them to survive in the wilds of Alaska for ninety days.


The show starts with them being flown into some of the most desolate terrain I've ever seen, and from there each group hikes to their roughly 200 square foot cabin. When they arrive they find a modest amount of food staples, but they are responsible for hunting or fishing for their very necessary protein. They have no electricity, no running water and not much else of note. They appear to be outnumbered by about 100 to 1 by all of the bears on a feeding frenzy before their winter hibernation. These bears, by the way, bear no relation to Yogi. These bears look like Yogi's inner city cousins.


Game on.


Watching this has made me think of how critical it would be in something like this to be with the right person (or persons). Much like the fabulous friend you have who turns into a side show horror when you take a trip together, it all comes down to getting along. And the show is a wonderful view into how people do - and don't - get along constructively. Sure, there's a lot of work and a lot of angst (and more than a fair amount of deprivation), but it all boils down to communication.


So I started thinking. Who would I want to do this with? Who could I do this with? And this leads me to this question:


If you were signing up to spend three months in very close quarters with one or two other people, three months of hard work and lots of uncertainty, three months of totally depending on those other people (or person) to help get you all through...


Who would it be?


Would it be your other half? A family member? A friend? And why?


Inquiring minds want to know.

birth day

I've had a really nice birthday.


It all started with the kids wanting to stay here Sunday night instead of with their dad, so that they could make me breakfast in bed. They all got up at the crack of dawn to make peach waffles and apple slices with peanut butter, and to make a really cute card. Breakfast was wonderful, and it's obvious that their dad has done a good job teaching them to make waffles. They made enough to feed a small army and we all sat on my bed and ate waffles with the one fork available. Eventually we simply ate them with our fingers. Walking through the kitchen to throw my syrup covered sheets in the washer, I noticed that the kitchen looked about the way you'd expect it to after the cooking extravaganza, but I didn't even care. It was a great start to the day, and at least the ants in my kitchen were well fed.


Next up I met two of my best friends for coffee and presents and spent a lovely couple of chatty hours. I had barely walked into the house from that and the phone was ringing with a lunch invite that ended up with three ladies and five kids eating Indian food. Every time I got home I was greeted by the houseful of fresh flowers my mom and Stu had gotten for me. And all day long the birthday wishes rolled in - via email, snail mail, phone calls and in person. It was all very appreciated. I felt quite loved.


It's really easy to fall into the negativity trap, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. But something that I've thought for a while now became crystal clear today. Yeah, I'm inching toward fifty. I'm in a state of flux the likes of which I don't think I've ever seen. I'm the one who got dumped for the first time in my life, the old and ratty lawn in a "grass is always greener on the other side" midlife crisis. I'm the one...


...who wakes up in the morning with this odd sense of peace and contentment that just continues to grow through the day. I'm going to be just fine. And that's truly beginning to sink in.


My mom sent me my horoscope from the Los Angeles Times, and here is what it said.


If your birthday is June 16th...

You're able to express your love in ways you never have before, making this a year to forge stronger connections.

The summer brings a fiscal surprise--you earn money for something you didn't even know was a viable skill.

Someone you admire will come into your world in a stronger way in September. Sagittarius and Libra adore you.

Your lucky numbers are 4, 9, 18, 42 and 19.


Works for me.