Lice Capades

Remember earlier in the week when everything went my way with the dishwasher and the washing machine and even the chimney? And so many of you commented about how lucky it all was?







It's a funny thing about luck. Some days it's with you and others...well, let's just say that some days I'm glad I blog. Wednesday was one of those days.


It started in the wee hours when Gumby had a bad dream and came in to sleep with us. Before long Surfer Dude followed. At around 5 am, when I took yet another elbow to the teeth, I finally gave up and went to sleep on the upstairs sofa, booting off a very disgruntled dog who glared at me for the rest of the day. Gumby is a lethal sleeper, but it was made worse by the fact that he was clawing at his head in his sleep, scratching it violently almost non-stop. This has been going on off and on for a couple of weeks now, and, since there's been a fair amount of head lice at his school I've been checking him (and SD) religiously - with no results. I'd chalked it up to a dry scalp (which both the FG and I have) and had been deep conditioning the bejeezus out of it with not a lot of success. I'd even commented on Diana's funnier than hell post that we seemed to have dodged the lice bullet. Our record of getting three kids to the ages of 10, 11 and 15 liceless appeared intact.


When he got up (still scratching) I took another close look at his head. Nothing. Moved him under a bright light. Still nothing. But his upper back was covered by this nasty looking red rash, which he said itched like crazy. I put calamine lotion on him, gave him some Benadryl, sent him to school and made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon.


We waited an hour to see our doctor, whom I love but who always runs late. He spent about five seconds looking in Gumby's hair and said


He has head lice.


And I said


He does not. Where??


And he said


Here. And here. And here. And...


And I said


Show me. I've been looking at his head for weeks and haven't seen a thing.


So he showed me. And I still didn't see the SOBs.


And I said


Oh come on. You know what I said.


It's an awfully good thing I don't do anything medical with my life, I'll tell you, because that could be really bad if I can't even see bugs.



So we went to the store and bought the kits to shampoo his hair with and spray down everything he might have touched in the last couple of weeks. (Uh, mom...about the lake house...it's a really funny story about Gumby's "dry scalp"...mom?? hello??).

Head lice removal kits (2) - $22.52





Then, while Surfer Dude and Sasquatch danced around Gumby chanting You have li-ice, you have li-ice, I stripped all the beds, grabbed anything that he might have worn in the last year or so and headed to the washing machine.


Uh oh.


My washer part that was supposed to be in on Tuesday still wasn't here. I had approximately 120 loads of laundry and no working washing machine. What's the only thing worse than doing laundry?


Doing laundry at a laundromat, that's what. In a college town. (At least I didn't go to the one that's part laundry and part bar. Man, that place is always packed). I haven't been to a laundromat since I was in college myself. The first time. I was so out of practice that I didn't even take laundry soap with me and had to buy those stupid little overpriced boxes.

5 loads of laundry @ $1.50 a load - $7.50

6 boxes of laundry soap @ .75 a box (because not only am I forgetful but evidently I can't count either) - $4.50


I had promised to get treats since SD and Sasquatch had stayed at home by themselves while we were at the doctors appointment, so I stopped at Dairy Queen and a Kwikshop (because god forbid they want the same thing).


Blizzard and slushies - $6.83



I drove home, still mentally cursing about forgetting the soap, and threw some chicken in the oven for dinner. Totally forgot that the red headed step child was at our house and didn't bring him anything from either place, which he will never let me forget as long as I live. By the time I figured that the washers at the laundromat were finished the FG had come home. He had to put the laundry room back together since he had moved both the washer and dryer for the repair man. I gave him instructions on putting all the pillows in the dryer and taking the chicken out of the oven and left him scratching his head madly as I headed back out to move our sheets and blankets to the dryer.


By the time I got there the place was packed and all the dryers were full. I passed the soap vending machine and got all ticked off again that I had forgotten to bring my own soap and had to buy their overpriced stuff. Finally got four dryers and threw my laundry in.


Fabric softener sheets 2 boxes @.75 each- $1.50


I had planned to put the stuff in the dryer and head home, but found out that the damned things only run for eight minutes and then you have to feed them another quarter. Eight minutes.


4 dryers running multiple times - $4.25


Got all the laundry dry and headed home to delouse Gumby and force everyone else to shampoo with the special shampoo. This should be fun, no?


Bottle of wine bought on the way home - $9.00


When I got home the FG was pulling dinner out of the oven. After they ate I took SD over to the light to look in his hair, and, once more, saw nothing. Then the FG remembered that he had a magnifying lamp out in the studio so he brought that in and set it up. I took SD and put him under the lamp to look at his head again under the magnifier.


Holy Mary, mother of god.


It is virtually impossible to gross me out, but I jumped away from the kid like he had a snake around his neck. His head was crawling. Strike two.


I can sum up the rest of the evening in two words - it sucked. We had to cut Gumby's and SD's hair. Sasquatch, the FG and I were all lice free but we shampooed with that vile stuff anyway. The FG and I each took a kid and combed nits out of their hair until I felt like gagging. (At one point in this I was walking through the kitchen and realized that I hadn't eaten any dinner. Grabbed the pot of rice, poured some soy sauce on it and had a big bite. And then looked closely at the rice. Brown rice. Brown looks exactly like lice nits rice. I may never eat rice again.


My friend Laurie arrived to pick up the red headed step-child. (From here on out Laurie will be known as Elly Mae so as to not get her confused with laurie from Three Dog Blog who, although she would be welcome on my doorstep anytime, has never been to Chez RC). She was all smiles until I filled her in on our day, at which point she shrank against my front door jamb in horror and shrieked up the stairs for her son to hurry. I had to laugh. I'd have done exactly the same thing. (I'm pretty sure I have done the same thing, actually).


It was almost midnight before everyone was showered, shampooed, nit picked and put to bed on fresh sheets and blankets. It had been a very long day.


As I write this my washer is fixed and I am methodically washing every piece of fabric in our house. The sofas and my car have been sprayed. I let Gumby stay home because I felt bad for him, so he's been totally taking advantage of that all day. I haven't worked up the courage to call my mother and tell her that we've infested her house.


I even called Laurie/Elly Mae and told her she could pick her own blog name and she said I could do it since she feels like I nailed everyone else with my code names and she trusts me. Sucker. I'm sure I'll be hearing about this one.


And on top of it all I cannot stop scratching my head. Or mourning the loss of rice from my life. And knowing that we'll be combing out kids hair until the end of time. Or longer.