Tuesday, January 8, 2008

they're breeding...







Just another weekend in the ER...








Female patient giving her chief complaint to the triage nurse - "I was in here yesterday because I wanted you to fix my hangover but the wait was too long and I got bored. So I went out into the parking lot and slept with some guy I met in the waiting room and the rat bastard stole my Vicodin right after. Can you give me a refill?"

Trashy looking mother of a toddler with bronchitis to RN - "Well, no I didn't get her antibiotic prescription filled. I didn't have the money. Yeah, I know it's on the $4 plan at Wal-Mart. But I was out of cigarettes. I get mean when I don't have my smokes. She deserves a mother who isn't mean, don't you think?"

Woman with metal barbells about two inches long and maybe a quarter of an inch around stuck through each of her nipple piercings to her RN (as the RN removed a piece of tape from her arm) - "Oh, my god, stop. You're killing me, bitch. I've never felt pain like that in my life." (Delivered in a loud enough scream that both an aide and a doc stuck their head in the door to see who was murdering who. They both later volunteered to help me).

And here's a final thought - If, on your way out the door post-discharge, you happen to turn around and notice your doctor and your nurse high-fiving each other and clinking coke cups together joyously...yes, it is because you're leaving.

Honest. I'm a nurse. I'd never lie to you.

27 comments:

Sweet Irene said...

It seems that the ER functions as a place where people go who should really go see a regular GP. It's no wonder you've got your hands full all the time.The health system is different in the States and I don't quite understand why these people aren't being sent to a GP. It must be very expensive to have them be treated in the ER.

Other than that I just wanted to say hi, so HI!

my two cents said...

I love when you make me laugh!

Kaycie said...

It sounds to me like you've been treating some very high quality patients recently, RC.

Oh, and if a doctor ever gives me an antibiotic for any one of my children that is on the four dollar program at Wal-Mart, I'll frickin' faint! They always seem to prescribe something that costs $50. Every damn time.

ped crossing said...

Can anyone save us? I don't know how you make it through the day. Boy do you get good stories though.

Let's hope the first one didn't get pregnant and add to the herd.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Irene - that's precisely the problem. ER's are treated like a GP's office because a lot of people have no money/insurance and have no other options. It's a very bad situation. And it's getting worse.

Hi back at you!

my two cents - are you laughing at my pain or with it??

kaycie - oh yeah, baby, high class clientele. Did you know that you can request a $4 med and (unless it's a pain med) they can usually find something that will work. And that a lot of stores match the $4 but don't advertise it (like the Kroger chains, Target, and even some of the Walgreens, which is weird because they're a chain but only some of them do it. I think it's a location thing). You can ask any pharmacy if they'll match it. Usually they will.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

ped crossing - there's an ER joke about the perfect world being one where sedatives are distributed through air conditioning and heating vents to maximize effectiveness.

I'd add contraception to my dream list.

my two cents said...

First, you are up and responding to comments way too late. I am not sure if I am laughing at you or with you, depends on what you think is funny here. I read these aloud to my husband and I actually think the second one makes sense. Scary. The kid probably does deserve a mother who isn't mean. He is still trying to figure out how you knew about the piercings. I don't need to know.

ciara said...

lmfao-damn, the STUPID ppl ARE breeding. as someone who's had a tongue piercing, there is no way in hell can what you did to her hurt more than the piercing...and they say the nipple piercings are the most painful : /

belle said...

Best one I got when working on triage was a bloke in his fifties hobbling up to the desk wincing with every step. He puts down an ornamental china bell and says 'It's one of a pair, the other one's stuck ...'

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Yep, you get to see the cream of the crop of the gene pool that is humanity. I have all the respect in the world for you and all ER nurses and docs.

Flowerpot said...

some people ar eamazing arent they? I particularly liked the last one!!

Potty Mummy said...

Surely you're making this up, RC. Surely?

Crystal Jigsaw said...

What an amazing job. Think I'll stick to farming!

Crystal xx

Jen said...

I know RC is quite correct about the quality of some of the patients at an ER. Last time I went (rusty fish hook in my foot, long story), I was surrounded by drunks, a couple of people obviously on something a bit harder, and one woman who was in a slapping fight with her boyfriend over her newly aquired STD. The heartbreaking ones were the folks who were bringing in their sniffly kids, because they had no insurance.

I know my nurse probably high-fived someone after I left that day, but only because I fainted off the table when they gave me a tetanus shot. I did warn them!

Thanks for the laugh, RC!

laurie said...

i am pretty sure i could never have a job where i had to touch strangers. especially hostile weird unclean high on something strangers.

Lil Mouse said...

i know enough now not to say 'do people like that REALLY exist?' -- sigh! no wonder the nurse in the ER didnt know what to do with me when i went in for my appendix. i was calm, rational, and sat there repeating the facts over and over -- until she took my temp and it was over 104..

auntie barbie said...

I'm laughing but it really is a sad state isn't it?
You telling stories of the ER is almost like watching Springer.

Lisa said...

Wow. :o/

Mya said...

My nipples are hurting just reading that. Ouch!

Mya x

aims said...

Could tell us what it is that you like about your job?

my two cents said...

The more I think about it, the more I think that when people pierce parts of their bodies you and I might not consider they are inebriated and therefore don't feel the pain. When you rip off a piece of tape, they probably do feel it.

Tiggerlane said...

You're making me totally miss my husband's ER stories (now he works recovery in the OR - those knuckleheads are always asleep). Your stories are so fantastic, and a great view of what health professionals are expected to deal with on a daily basis! I could never do it - I'd rip out someone's nipple ring, with NO anesthesia!

Iota said...

You have to laugh, or else you'd go mad.

Akelamalu said...

OMG do you have a lot to put up with!!! :0

Corey~living and loving said...

oh my....that is just crazy. Those stories kill me. Fun post!

Kimberly said...

Funniest. Post. Of. The. Day.

Bwahahahahah!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee. RC, I love this. It is cold and windy here, and Mr B is away, and my mate Dez is off to NZ soon, and I am knackered, and you made me smile. Thanks. :D