Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Snooze 'R' Us

I'm not a morning person. I don't loathe them the way I used to, but if I had my druthers I'd not face the light of day until at least 8 am. 9 would be better. Going along with loathing them less is also the ability to function better. Used to be I would sit in a fuming pile, coffee clutched in hand and eyes unfocused until I felt able to start coping with the day. Now, lacking options, I just get up and get on with it. Growing up sucks.

I've thought about this recently because I've been picking up extra shifts at work and they've been of the crack of dawn variety. These require me to be pulling out of my driveway at 6:30 on the nose. And even this is better than my old nursing job, where I had to be on the road by 6 for a 45 minute drive. I was always relieved that I was awake by the time I got there, but I hate to think of my level of consciousness during the trip.

As a combination of these two factors - disliking mornings and years of early shifts - I've worked out a routine that is, if I do say so myself, a brilliant combination of procrastination and type A compulsiveness. The patent is pending, but I'm going to let you all have a look. I even have two versions - the washed and the unwashed. Ready?

Countdown to 6:30 driveway peel out:

5:45 am - Alarm goes off. Hit snooze and roll back over.

5:54 am - repeat.

6:03 am
- repeat the hit snooze part. But...if shower is needed, begin to wrap brain around the fact that when it goes off again it's time to get up. If no shower is on the agenda, roll back over and go to sleep.

(This snooze alarm part is very important to the schedule. It's vital to the plan that you've had the satisfaction of thumping the snooze button at least twice before your feet hit the ground. If you're really organized you could even put this on your daily To Do List. Hit snooze alarm twice. Done. See how efficient you are?)

6:12 am - Shower time? Get up. Try not to fall over solid black dog sleeping at top of stairs. Stand under hot stream and cuss blindly for at least a full minute to get bile out of system. Wash hair while cussing. Remember to cuss close-mouthed, because it takes an extra 30 seconds to rinse shampoo out of opened mouth. Every second is going to count here.

6:19 am
- Alarm will go off again. Shower is finished, or, if still in bed (thanks to pre-bedtime shower the night before), must now get up. Blindly grab clothes set out the night before and head downstairs.

6:20 am - Grab (set up the night before) coffee. From now until butt hits car seat, slam as much coffee as humanly possible. Let the dogs into the yard and head into the bathroom. Sit to do your business (ahem) and put on all clothes from the waist up at this time. Remember, busy is as busy does. Stand up and put on everything else except socks. (Don't cheat. This is important).

6:22 am
- Throw bagel or english muffin in toaster. Brush teeth, then put on moisturizer while walking to door to let dogs in. Apply foundation on the way back to bathroom.

6:23 am - Slap on some mascara and put on watch (always left in exactly the same place).

6:24 am - Collect already packed lunch box from the fridge, already packed backpack from the kitchen table and keys from the hook on the fridge where they always hang. Put everything on the kitchen table.Grab shoes from usual spot in the laundry room. Throw them under the kitchen table. Slop some peanut butter on carb of choice and wrap in foil. Throw in lunch box.

6:26 am - Go upstairs to make OCD-like kissing rounds of sleeping husband and children. Work from the back of the second floor toward the stairs. Pat dogs simultaneously.

6:28 am - Plop down at kitchen table and mainline as much coffee as possible while putting on socks and shoes. Savor 90 seconds of caffeinated solitude.

6:29:30 - Leave house and head to car.

6:30 - Peel out on schedule.

I feel it only fair to tell you that this is the extended version of my patented plan. It can actually be done in six minutes, although certain niceties may be eliminated. I eat my breakfast either in the car or at work, and, thanks to all the coffee, I actually remember the drive. It's a miracle.

I call it the You've Gotta Be Efficient To Be Lazy plan. Franchises are available.



ped crossing said...

I hear you loud and clear. In a perfect world....

My Mondays have a similar routine, but just a tad later. Works better if small child has not come in crying at 2 am and messed with a perfectly good nights sleep.

I would try to pick up later shifts.

Sorry I am fresh out of witty comments/solutions to any problems. I hope my witty comes back. Sleep might help.

Faye said...

Question: so should I assume that my attending nurse MAY not have had a shower that very day? I'm passing out hand sanitizer.

Observation: how do you hold your reading material while multi-tasking on the potty?

belle said...

Love it! Though have to say I favour the six minute version but am totally with you on the hit snooze button twice :o)

ciara said...

damn it! no wonder i'm such a cluttered mess lmfreakinao at least you're laziness is ORGANIZED. mine is just 'fly by the seat of your pants'...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Happy Birthday, RC's mom. We Cappies are supposed to be having a great year.

Today, RC, I perfected the Fuck I Forgot to Set the Alarm Gotta Get Everyone Dressed, Fed, and Out the Door in 10 Minutes method.

Flowerpot said...

I go on red alert when I know I have to get up early. But dont envy you those early starts.

PixelPi said...

I am not a morning person either....I mean 10 a.m. is fine by me. This is why I always work 2nd shift. Always.

Of course, working from home means I can roll out of bed, boot up PC and go fetch caffeine of choice. Do obligatory bathroom stuff (this does not include brushing my hair or teeth), and by then I'm logged in still in jammies or T-shirt and scrubs.

OK. You can hate me now. I just got up to feed the cats, but I'm going back to bed now!

Jen said...

I used to do something similar when working morning drive, it just starts around quarter of three instead of closer to six a.m.

Happy Birthday RC's Mom! (That is altaglow, right?)

Potty Mummy said...

But what happens if the car is iced up, RC? (Because I could be wrong but I got the impressions you guys had proper winters out there...)

laurie said...

jen takes the cake with her 2:45 a.m. commutes.

but yours is darned impressive, RC. you are the soul of efficiency.

we get up at 5:30 every morning, even weekends, because (a) we need the time before work to read the papers, check the web, walk the dogs, eat, and take turns showering, and (b) on weekends the dogs won't let us sleep in because they're so used to being fed at 5:45 every day.

i don't leave for work until 8:30, and even with three hours i'm always running late. go figure.

laurie said...

ps i thought you were a curlette?? no way i could ever leave the house without showering. NO WAY. i literally cannot comb or brush my hair when it's dry. it needs to be soaking wet. without a shower, i can't comb my hair, and if i don't comb my hair i look like a homeless person.

Kaycie said...

Now I know why you're so cool, RC. Your mama is a Capricorn, so you had a superior upbringing! Happy Birthday to RC's lovely Mom!

Your routine is quite impressive, RC. I have to say I do not miss the rush out the door in the mornings. I roll out of bed at 6:45am when I hear hubby turn his shower on. I go into the kitchen in my jammies, make his breakfast and pack his lunch, pour myself a glass of a cold caffeinated beverage (no coffee - yuck), and sit down with him while he eats. The older two kids take care of themselves and the munchkin doesn't have to get up until 8am. Unless it's my week for carpool, I don't even get dressed until I'm damn good and ready.

That is my absolute favorite thing about being a stay at home mom.

Diana said...

Absolutely! It's all about the organization and the schedule, especially the scheduled laziness.

(You must admit wearing scrubs to work does help with that getting dressed part.)

Happy Birthday to RC Mom!

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

I am right there with you with the snooze button....except I usually allow about 7 or 8 hits. And by some clever thought when we were installing plug sockets, I can dry my hair whilst sitting on the loo doing my ahem "business"! There is no part of my morning routine that involves me doing only one thing at a time!

Anonymous said...

ROFL! Our days and nights are sort of reversed here since hubs works nights. Rosie is up raring to go before daylight, and her dad is just pulling in the driveway. Me? I just try to walk the tightrope in between!

ped crossing said...


Those are sweetE's comments on the subject.

P.S. I can't use the snooze alarm more than once, then it just irritates me. I'd rather just sleep the extra nine minutes.

I'm with Laurie on the whole shower thing. Not because of my hair, just because I don't like to feel grungy all day and it is the only way I really wake up.

Kimberly said...

I'm so not telling you what my usual wake up time is. You'd hate me. =P

ciara said...

p.s. happy birthday, r.c.'s mom!

Mya said...

I feel touched, no honoured, that you choose to share with us your morning toilet routine! Thankyou so much RC... And happy birthday Altaglow.
Mornings suck.I'm a night owl by nature, dragged into the hell of dawn starts by darling Sproglet. What can you do?

Mya x

The Rotten Correspondent said...

there are not enough hours in the day lately...

ped crossing - Sleep always helps. Some people seem okay with a chronic sleep deficit, but not me. I can go about two days with not enough sleep and then it gets ugly.

faye - reading is, unfortunately, one of the things that falls by the wayside on these mornings. So I still have free hands while multi-tasking.

belle- yeah, I'm kind of fond of the 6 minute version myself. It's like performance art in its perfectness.

ciara - like I always tell my kids - if you're going to lay in bed until the last minute you'd better be really fast when you get up.

wakeup - I've done that one, too! It's better than caffeine, isn't it??

flowerpot - I can't stand them. The plus is that I'm at least an hour into my day before I'm awake.

pixelpi - humph. Maybe I could open an ER in my dining room. I normally go in at 10 - perfect.

jen - that makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. Why even bother going to sleep?

potty mummy - oh, the ice jacks everything up. Everything. Then I have to add in scrape time and warm up the car time and cussing time. But the plus here is no traffic. My commute doesn't vary by more than 30 seconds each day.

laurie - I am a curlette. Totally. But I think we go about it in different ways. I can't remember the last time I brushed or combed my hair wet, and to be totally honest I usually don't do it when my hair is dry either. I use the old finger comb method because anything else makes me look like Rosanne Rosannadanna. And my hair gal (who is also a friend) made me read this book called Curly Girl, which is a long story all in itself but the bottom line is that I don't wash every day.

No ones called me homeless. Yet.

kaycie - that's what I do on my days off for the most part. I'm still sluggish in the morning.

diana - there's an idea. I could wear my scrubs to bed and shave a minute off my time. Hmm...

aoj - absolutely! It's all about doing at least two things at once. And, like you, I could hit the snooze button 20 times and never get tired of it. Buzz. Smack. Buzz. Smack. Aaahhh.

lisa - that's hard when it's reversed. I wouldn't know exactly when to cuss.

ped crossing - well thank you, SweetE! On the shower front I'm okay with one right before I go to sleep. Morning is better and does help me wake up, but I'm perfectly clean and barely even smell bad at all if I take one at night.

kimberly - oh, come on! we won't hate you (and I don't have my fingers crossed behind my back).

mya - just wait. The post about my personal hygiene will be next week.

Corey~living and loving said...

oh man...I am so with you on most of this. I always only have 30 minutes from sheets to streets. but...I shower at night always....and dont' drink coffee. I use those minutes to get my 3 year old out of bed, dress and in the carseat. WOW!

I push the snooze 2-3 times each morning as well. Hubby doesn't understand why I don't just set it for the real time I need to get up....that wouldn't give me enough time to roll around and whine about having to get out of bed, now would it? duh!

Anonymous said...

RC, Our routines are very similar, including avoiding the sleeping dog!! I have to be out of the house by 7:00am, on a good day, I can do it. Since Hannah switched to that private school, she is now my car buddy. Now I have to wait for her.
Happy Birthday to your mom. Hope it was a great day.

laurie said...

yah, i know that curly girl book. i had to review it for the paper when it first came out.

a) just using conditioner and no shampoo does not work for me. it doesn't permeate my hair. consequently, my hair is fuzzier than ever.

b) if you comb your hair while it's soaking wet and then LEAVE IT ALONE you will not look like rosanne rosanadanna. you will have ringlets.

c) i cannot stand the feeling of going without combing my hair. my scalp requires the scrape of a comb. otherwise it feels itchy and yucky.

i guess we're still twins. even twins aren't identical.

Sweet Irene said...

I get up very early, because apparently I am a morning person. But, unlike you, I really don't have to be anywhere. It would probably upset me if I did, because I do like my quiet contemplation time. Other than that, it does seem nice to have such a good goal so early in the morning. What a way to get the day started!

Akelamalu said...

No, no, no, no. I need at the very least one and three quarter hours! :(

But well done you!

Devon said...

You are an organized Goddess! Why is it that all nursing jobs start at the crack of dawn? My hubby is a firefighter and gone over night until around 9am. I want to go back to work part time but can't find a schedule that would fit my family.

My kids are young and I don't want to do before school daycare. Any suggestions?

Nearlydawn said...

I am so with you on this routine... Of course, I don't have little ones (yet, just give me about another month and a half). My hubby is always amazed that I can be up, showered, coiffed, and gone in 30 mins or less. It really doesn't matter if this is after sleep-time or during the day/evening.

He, however, needs 1 hr minimum. I've never actually figured out why. I mean really, how can it possibly take him LONGER to do LESS?!?! LOL

Laura McIntyre said...

I can not imagine, im always up early but leaving the house before noon!!!!!! Does't happen

elizabethm said...

I hate mornings too and am so impressed with your routine to get out. I would still be groaning at 6.23am

-Ann said...

I have to confess that I don't understand the purpose of the snooze button. Perhaps because I'm snooze-button-proof. When the alarm goes off, I'm awake. Doesn't matter if I want to be or not.
I love your systems of pre-packing and laying out clothes - I do the same thing. It's a holdover from our childhood routines.