Tuesday, January 15, 2008

nancy clue

I'm still a day out on the next thrilling installment of how I came to earn my paycheck, but since I've led people to expect a nursing story I feel I have to deliver. Sit tight, people, this is not your ordinary nursing story.

I collect old Nancy Drew mysteries. It's a guilty obsession that I've had most of my life and I have a fabulous collection to prove it. I also love Cherry Ames, the World War ll era nurse who only took care of patients who provided mysteries for her to solve as well. I guess in the 1940's and 50's they figured every little girl wanted to grow up to be a detective.

Last week a friend of mine gave me a Nancy Drew she had found in a thrift store. She didn't look at it closely, but, being a sweetheart of the first degree, always keeps an eye out for what her friends collect. We were at Bunco and the wine was flowing freely when she handed it to me. I looked carefully. I blinked. I looked again. This is what I saw -

The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse
A Gay Adventure!

When nurse Cherry Aimless lands in San Francisco in search of Nancy Clue and a flock of missing nuns, the earnestly whitegirl 50s meet the oh-so-queer 90s in a delightful parody of both girl detective novels and lesbian romantic fiction.

Or, as they put it, For everyone who knew all along that Nancy and her girlfriends had secrets all their own.

Here's the back cover -

The night air cut right through her silk dress. She pulled her wrap closer. "Don't do that," her companion whispered. "I like looking at you." The girl surveyed Cherry, looking her up and down. She whistled, a long, low appreciative whistle. Cherry dropped her coat. "It's a full moon," the girl said. "You never know what will happen." A shiver went down Cherry's back, for she was having that very same thought. Cherry began to wish she had worn panties. She had decided against them to preserve the line of her dress, but they would be a big help right now.

Okay, it's me again. The hilarious thing is that this book is designed exactly the same as a Nancy Drew. Same colors, same format, same line drawings - everything. You oughta see the drawing opposite the title page. Yowzah.

And the kicker? (Not that there aren't twenty kickers already). My buddy bought this at a church auxiliary store. Imagine how that book got there...

I see a doting aunt who buys a gift for the young girl in her life, thinking it's a beloved detective icon. Can you imagine the phone call from the kid's mom the next day?

Would you love to be a fly on that wall?

Surfer Dude got a speaking part! Yay!


my two cents said...

Congratulations, SD! Are you going to read the book or sell it on ebay?

Kaycie said...

That's hilarious. Who knew such a thing existed.

Congratulations, SD!

Sweet Irene said...

Congratulations, Surfer Dude.

I guess you are hanging on to that book for when you are really bored one day?

Willowtree said...

It's more likely that the priest was just cleaning out his porn cupboard.

PixelPi said...

OK, I can believe George, one of Nancy's friends I always believed to be of the L persuasion, would go out in a silk dress on a chilly SF night, but without bloomers? Nancy would NEVER leave home without her knickers, lesbian or not. That sounds absolutely hilarious!

So happy Surfer Dude got a speaking part....you're going to have a problem with this kid when he meets the Spears girls.

Willowtree--I agree. The priest has to have some porn lying about or he won't have real evidence when he preaches about it. And this combines several evil variations, without knickers.

Kimberly said...

Mildly disgusting, and so, so freakin' hilarious!

-Ann said...

Ha - especially if the aunt was of an age where gay meant happy.

Of course, it could be that there's a secret society of lesbians who run around planting books at church auxillaries to corrupt the youth. :)

Teresa said...

At a church Auxiliary Store: I am absolutely chortling! I have a few old Bobsey Twins books in my attic but nothing like this!

ped crossing said...

Can't help but chuckle. It was really thoughtful of her to give you a good laugh!

Way to go, SD!

ciara said...

i wanna read this book...i'm kinky like that lmao maybe someone had some major guilt and decided that the only way to be forgiven was to give the book up for charity.

woohoo, sd! rock on!

Thalia's Child said...

a) congrats SD!! Yay!!

b) I love Cherry Ames.

c) *snerk* *snort* *guffaw* I can't stop laughing long enough to remember what C was anymore!

Flowerpot said...


Anonymous said...

I loved Nancy Drew and still have a bunch of her books around here. I kept hoping my girls would get into them, but they did not. Anway, that is so funny, The Not So Nice Nurse. I couldn't stop laughing. You have to read it!

Congratulations to Surfer Dude! A speaking part is so exciting. How did his friend make out?

Take care!

laurie said...

i am pretty sure that i have never before read the line, "cherry was beginning to wish she had worn panties."

i think that's absolutely hilarious that your friend gave that to you as a straight gift (so to speak).

nancy drew was my secret vice when i was a kid--secret not because she was gay, but because my father (an english professor) saw the books as examples of poor writing. i knew they were. i was ashamed to like poor writing.

but dammit, i wanted a roadster exactly the same color as MY eyes.

Potty Mummy said...

So now that SD is on the road to stardom are you going to change your name to Stage Door Mommy?

You should auction that book on E-bay; you'ld probably make a fortune!

auntie barbie said...

Too frickin funny! Your gonna read the book, I know you are.

Congrats to Surfer Dude. Theres no stopping him now.

Mya said...

Who will be having a gay adventure next? The Famous Fivesome? Noddy in Bondage? Where will it all end??
Congrats to SD!

Mya x

Anonymous said...


(Congrats to Surfer Dude.)

LCM said...

Hey, have you read Sue Barton? I love her books and hunted them on Ebay.

aims said...

What a laugh - I know just the person to give it to!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

my two cents - read it, of course! After the back cover blurb how could I not?

kaycie - there was evidently another one in the same vein. My friend was kicking herself that she didn't get it, too.

sweet irene - or when I need a really good laugh.

willowtree - a priest with lesbian porn would certainly be a man with issues.

pixelpi - well, George was always the "tomboy" of the bunch. Athletic and with a short hairdo. You know what that means. At least her name wasn't Butch.

kimberly - I wish I could figure out a way to scan the inside line drawing.

ann - heh. Hadn't thought about an aunt with a different view of the word gay.

teresa - a Catholic church store. The most conservative church in town.

ped crossing - this friend is awesome. Her gifts are always spot on. I don't have that talent myself, darn it.

ciara - google the title and there are some excerpts on the authors website. too funny.

thalia's child - I'm a huge Cherry Ames fan,too. Or should I say Cherry Aimless?

flowerpot - well, it puts the niche in niche market, don't you think?

eileen - his friend did make it in too! They were thrilled. It's a production of Tom Sawyer and they are both town boys - not a huge number of lines but enough for a first time out. His friend also got to be Huck Finn's understudy, which he was thrilled about. (The friend's sister didn't get a part, which was awful for the mom - one kid jumping up and down screaming and one crying her eyes out). And the third boy in SD's little clique didn't get a part either. Bittersweet.

laurie - yeah, the roadster was something else. And the housekeeper. And the ability to speak any language and play any sport and master any skill.

The roadster was the only attainable thing she had.

potty mummy - I looked and you can actually buy the book (and a second one in the series) on Amazon. I may have to get the other one. For research, you know.

auntie barbie - well, sure I'm going to read the book. How else could I tell you all how it ends?
(Honestly, the things I do for you all...)

mya - how about The Hardly Boys? If that's not a gay porn inside joke I don't know what is.

lisa - yeah, that's pretty much what I said!

lcm - I do love Sue Barton. They're hard to find, though. And how about Vickie Barr? She was a stewardess who also (surprise!) solved mysteries.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

aims - so far it's been quite, uh, entertaining.

Akelamalu said...

LOL I bet it's worth a bob or two!
Well done SD!

Amy said...

Heh, heh. It's like the unofficial Star Trek novels where Spock is in a mating frenzy and the only person around is Kirk. Fascinating.

Congrats to your young thespian. Fun stuff.

So, um, can I borrow that book when you're done?

Anonymous said...

Fabulous, I wonder if I could get some ideas for my book..!

Crystal xx

Diana said...

That's just brilliant!

(Both the book and the speaking part.)

MarmiteToasty said...

I expect the local vicar has had it under his pillow all these years LMFAO


Lil Mouse said...

AH AH HA HAH AHAHAHHA . i didnt know it would have existed. awesome. i want to read it out of spite.. he he he...

Rose said...

OMG!! That's so funny!! I loved Cherry Ames even more than Nancy Drew when I was growing up and wanted to be a nurse because of her. At least until I did a summer as a candystriper and realized, NO WAY!! Thanks for sharing! And congrats to the Surfer Dude!

Corey~living and loving said...

THAT is hysterical. :) thanks for sharing it.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh my God that was so funny. I bet you all giggled about it for the rest of the night. And yay Surfer Dude. He did so well. :D

Laura McIntyre said...

Thats so great, who would write something like that and manage to get it published - so need to review it when done