Monday, June 2, 2008

night moves

I guess I had built June 1st up in my head a little too much, because at 2 am my body decided to get a head start on the day. Apparently the one hour of sleep I had gotten after I'd finally been able to drift off was enough, because I woke up to a just bubbling under the surface anxiety attack that kept me up for the rest of the night. I'd like to report that it minded its manners and stayed under the surface, but unfortunately I can't.

Then it was off to a truly bizarre day at work. Bizarre, unfortunately, in a sad and unbelievable way rather than funny and wacko. I had one patient twice. Came in, got treated, got sent home, came back in, got admitted, and, as my shift was ending, got an emergency transfer to the big city specialty hospital. I was so stunned to see the transfer team come through with my patient on the gurney that I ran after them into the ambulance bay and cried, "What happened?"

They told me. I'll be up all night worrying about this one. And it's a kid, for god's sake. A little kid. With a couple of stupid, screwy connections to us in a really weird way that just creeps me out.

Probably just as well I'll be up all night, because the on-call shift I signed up for tomorrow is already a given, which means that as I'm writing this right after work, I'll be back in there in seven and a half hours. And I'm wide awake and wired. At least it's a really short shift.

I'm sorry. I've bitched enough. I'm done now.

Sweet dreams.


ped crossing said...

Gosh I hate that. We don't tell our kids about events sometimes for that very reason. Take a nap when you get home tomorrow. Hope you get some peace of mind soon.

Carolyn said...

Ugh. Ped said exactly what I wanted to say. Hope you get some peace of mind some. And some sleep. Sorry life isn't going according to plan for you right now... hugs.

Maggie May said...

Its a difficult job, keeping all the drama of work at bay out of working hours. You're bound to get attached to patients and worry about them from time to time.If you had no feelings, I suppose you wouldn't be wasting your time there.
Hope the next shift goes really quickly and that you will get all the sleep you need when you return.

ciara said...

i'm sorry you're going through all this right now....hope everything is alright w the kid. anytime a kid is sick or injured it just really gets to me. :(

PixelPi said...

Nothing worse than a sick's hoping the kid is getting the best treatment at the outside facility.

I really hope you manage to get some rest after your next shift. Sleep deprivation is awful (at least it makes me feel awful). Hugs to you, RC.

Frances said...


laurie said...

i said it before, i'll say it again:

when this calms down, it's going to be a great summer. you'll see.

but you have to quit signing up for all those on-call shifts.

Rose said...

I agree with Laurie, plus you may want to get a little medication to tide you over. I had some anxiety issues as well during the rotten time and it didn't hurt to have a little chemical help.

Kaycie said...

So, you said you could use me for a weekend. I'm guessing you meant for landscaping, but I think you deserve someone to take care of you for a few days. Call a friend, call a relative or call me. Get some relief, girl. Take care of yourself.

aims said...

I'm with Laurie and Rose on this RC.

You need to take a little bit of time for yourself. The bills and the boys will work themselves out. It may take just a tad bit longer - but if you burn out it is going to be worse than it is now.

Take some time - for you -

F-O-R Y-O-U !!

Rudee said...

At my age, I'd like some sweet dreams. With hot flashes all night long, just substitute sweat for sweet.

I hope your peds patient was OK but with a transfer out to a "big city hospital," it probably isn't so good. Perhaps, he or she is in a better place to get the help he/she needs. Peds patients make me nervous-whether I know them or not. By the time they demonstrate really bad signs, whatever made them ill has been cooking for a really LONG time.

the planet of janet said...

ugh. i'm with the rest of the crowd. you really do need some YOU time.


Akelamalu said...

Sick kids must be so hard to deal with, but when there's a connection with you it must be 100% more difficult. Hope you get peace of mind today. x

Swearing Mother said...

Warm bath, candles, deep breathing and sleep if you can.

Sending soothing vibes to you RC.