Monday, April 13, 2009

one-two-three

You know how people will say to you "I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?" It's an interesting psychological question, much like the glass being half full or half empty. The one you pick says so much about you.


Me myself, I prefer the bad news first. Sucker punch me, but then finish it with something good. End on a high note. Give me some hope, some illusion. That's all I ask.


So in that vein, I have a question for you. Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news? No preference? Well, alright then...


The Bad News: I'm inches away from giving up this blog. Seriously. The reasons I started it for originally have changed hugely, and I think it's more than fair to say that this blog - and the wonderful friends who follow it - have been a huge part in my getting through this last year. But things have obviously gotten weird. I don't trust the FX to remember his name from day to day and I seem to have picked up a reader who knows me but doesn't want to admit they know me and blah blah blah blah. It just feels weird. And for something that has felt so good, has brought me so much joy...I just don't know. I just don't know.


Then there's the other factor. Ideally, all this "spew" out of my mouth should go in the book. Truly. Today alone was a chapter. The things that came out of my children's mouths-all of them- when they came home from their "dad" weekend blew me out of the water. And not in a good way. The fact that he continues to not see when they are putting on a good face absolutely astounds me. I've run interference for years. It's not my job anymore. It seems instead that my job is to pick up the pieces when they get home. Thank god, I'm up to that.


And on the subject of a book? Well. I don't always have the highest opinion of my abilities, and that's a given. But the FX knows about this whole book idea, and all he could say was " Knowing the way you write...could you at least dedicate it to me? And thank me for my contribution? " Because here's the thing. I'm finding revenge to be the best motivator in the world. Don't get mad. Get even. Living well is the best revenge. Just do it. You may call them cliches. At the moment I just call them incentive.


The Good News: I'm not ready to leave all of you yet. You are all too dear to me. I've just got to figure out a way to make it happen. You may not see this as good news. But for those of you still reading...I'm working on it.


And in a side note: Anonymous, I'm 90% sure I know who you are. And if my hunch is right, the fact that the FX gave you my blog site is particularly funny considering what happened next. I don't consider that you are looking to screw me, since you could have done that long ago. And you seem, in your own convoluted way, to be ever so sympathetic. So. What is the real motivation? Hmmm. I have my own ideas. But. Let's start with this. I never really thought you were the girlfriend, because even someone as fucking stupid as the FX would never in a million years give the gf any insight into his neurotic tendencies. He needs to be the star, remember? I don't exactly give him that billing, and with really good reason. So I don't think he'll ever be passing my blog address along to her, although, since she seems to be a genuinely nice person, I'm a little tempted myself. Facebook, you know. You can find anyone. It's amazing. Save her a lot of heartbreak. And here's a thought. I understand that you may not want to go public with this, but you could email me. rottencorrespondent@gmail.com. Man up. Or woman up. It doesn't have to be for public consumption. I would really like to know who you are. Stop hiding behind anonymous.


Because in the end, doesn't that lower you to his level?


Oh, and PS. Peter. I know you're still pissed at me, but isn't this what friends are all about? I could really use some help here. Trust me on this.

27 comments:

Thalia's Child said...

Oh, RC, I hope you don't give up the blog. That said, if you decide to give up the blog, I will be forced to break my code of anonymity and request that we exchange real world info so we can facebook one another.

the planet of janet said...

no. no. no.

don't let that jerk drive you away from the community you know and love and who knows and loves you.

disable the anonymous option and forge ahead, my friend. forge ahead.

ped crossing said...

Do what you gotta do, I've got Facebook baby! And you are a friend. :)

Of course, I love the blog and would be sad to see it go, but do what you gotta do.

The Gossamer Woman said...

Just make sure no anonymous commenters can comment here anymore. That's not too hard to do, is it? And don't give up your blog! Move it if you have to and let us know where you are. By us, I mean your regular readers.

lv4921391 said...

RC, I ditto Gossamer Woman...the 4921391 is my U.S. Navy serial number.

Aoj and The Hounds said...

Yep, do the anonymous thing...and if you are concerned about them still reading your blog - go private.

Frances said...

Most of us are actually anonymous - as Thalia's Child points out.
Many commenters don't have a blog, just a blogger identity they have invented, in order to be able to comment on blogs that don't accept anonymous comments. So why choose the Anonymous option? Interesting to think that the anonymous commenter may be one of your regular readers - some people don't like to criticise openly, for fear of losing a friendship.
As for blogging or publishing, depends why you're doing it. Depends whether you want sympathy and support with the given risk of a few saying what they really think, or wide publicity and maybe fame. At least a blog has more chance of protecting your kids from wide adverse publicity. You could always write a book about something non-personal....

softinthehead said...

I can understand that you feel freaked out by it all but it would be very sad for all of us if you disappeared. Do what you need to do, but please bring your faithful followers with you:)

Flutterby said...

Hang in there. I don't want to lose you either. It would be too bad if the anonymous commenter(s) drove you away. That gives him/her/them way too much influence in your life.

belle said...

Always reading but rarely commenting these days, RC, but I would seriously miss your writing. I understand your discomfort. I have blogs within blogs under layers of layers. Paranoid? Yeah, maybe ... but that's me. I can pass on privacy tips if you want any - my emails available via my blog - the public one ;)

Cath said...

Oh RC - as your last post title says - "This just keeps getting better".

So glad you are not going yet. I would hate to lose you at any time, but I would love to see the conclusion of this little bit first. :) Try and find a way round it. I love coming here. You;re a friend. Don't want to lose you.

I am realising that my blog does not update or let you know on google reader when I have posted. So pop by from time to time. I have posted, it just doesn't show.

laurie said...

i'm not quite sure why you'd pull the plug instead of making it private...making it private is no more work for you. and clearly you love writing the blog, and clearly a whole lot of people love reading it...

but i'm with ped. do what you gotta do.

laurie said...

and why is peter pissed at you? you diss one of his dogs?

Rudee said...

Because you do what you do for a living, you may need to consider taking this private and change your comments to disallow anonymous comments.

Katy said...

We are all pulling for you in this stressful situation. I would really miss reading your blog, but do what is best for you.

aims said...

You know how I feel RC.

auntiegwen said...

Sending you some love xx

Akelamalu said...

I don't always comment but I do read and would miss your blog so much - so please don't give it up.

Potty Mummy said...

Too many wonderful Bloggers go this way and give up. I hope you don't - but will understand if a bit of distance is what you need. We love you, RC!

MarmiteToasty said...

Please dont go, like Ake I read every few days but rarely comment.... I would miss your blob so very much.....

x

Devon said...

RC, I would so miss reading your blog. I hope you choose to go private. Of course, you have to let me in!!!!

I don't agree with the comments made by anonymous. You don't come here to get supportive fluff. Many of us have given different perspectives openly and honestly. Just because we don't spew our disagreements with nasty childish vulgarities doesen't mean we are useless 'yes men'.

I gave up my blog a year ago because I had an uncomfortable commenter. I miss it more than I thought I would. In hindsight, I would have made it invitation only. Hope you do the same.

Out of morbid curiosity, what's up between you and the Howard Stern of the blogsphere(aka: Peter)?

Iota said...

How would I contact you if I come to your home town again, if there's no blog?

I think your blog has changed over time, and maybe you need to make it two blogs. You could have a public one, full of ER stories and general reflections on life. Then you could have a private one, with your emotional stuff on it. You'd have to be very selective of who you allowed in to that one. Remember how easy it is to set up a Blogger account. Two minutes. It's as easy as being anonymous. You might find, over time, that the need for 2 blogs disappeared, and then you could return to one. But don't give up on this one just yet. Please. (But I'll understand if you do.)

the rotten correspondent said...

I would never diss Peter's dogs. They're far too cute. We had a stupid fight about Facebook that was pretty much all my fault. I was a little mean to him, believe it or not.

I apologized, he accepted...but it just hasn't been the same...

Miriam said...

Can't you do a "this blog does not allow anonymous comments"?
People should not comment anonymously- have the decency and courage to add your name please! mimi

Rositta said...

Take it private, just don't forget to invite your friends...ciao

WT said...

Ok ok, I am anonymous.

Swearing Mother said...

Woah Momma, I've been gone too long!! Sounds like you're having some fun my friend.

Know what you mean about giving up the blog, but in your case DON'T DO IT!! Your writing is way too good for us to be denied it.

Just have a rest for a bit and then come back when refreshed. Don't want to lose touch with you, you are way too funny.