one-two-three

You know how people will say to you "I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?" It's an interesting psychological question, much like the glass being half full or half empty. The one you pick says so much about you.


Me myself, I prefer the bad news first. Sucker punch me, but then finish it with something good. End on a high note. Give me some hope, some illusion. That's all I ask.


So in that vein, I have a question for you. Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news? No preference? Well, alright then...


The Bad News: I'm inches away from giving up this blog. Seriously. The reasons I started it for originally have changed hugely, and I think it's more than fair to say that this blog - and the wonderful friends who follow it - have been a huge part in my getting through this last year. But things have obviously gotten weird. I don't trust the FX to remember his name from day to day and I seem to have picked up a reader who knows me but doesn't want to admit they know me and blah blah blah blah. It just feels weird. And for something that has felt so good, has brought me so much joy...I just don't know. I just don't know.


Then there's the other factor. Ideally, all this "spew" out of my mouth should go in the book. Truly. Today alone was a chapter. The things that came out of my children's mouths-all of them- when they came home from their "dad" weekend blew me out of the water. And not in a good way. The fact that he continues to not see when they are putting on a good face absolutely astounds me. I've run interference for years. It's not my job anymore. It seems instead that my job is to pick up the pieces when they get home. Thank god, I'm up to that.


And on the subject of a book? Well. I don't always have the highest opinion of my abilities, and that's a given. But the FX knows about this whole book idea, and all he could say was " Knowing the way you write...could you at least dedicate it to me? And thank me for my contribution? " Because here's the thing. I'm finding revenge to be the best motivator in the world. Don't get mad. Get even. Living well is the best revenge. Just do it. You may call them cliches. At the moment I just call them incentive.


The Good News: I'm not ready to leave all of you yet. You are all too dear to me. I've just got to figure out a way to make it happen. You may not see this as good news. But for those of you still reading...I'm working on it.


And in a side note: Anonymous, I'm 90% sure I know who you are. And if my hunch is right, the fact that the FX gave you my blog site is particularly funny considering what happened next. I don't consider that you are looking to screw me, since you could have done that long ago. And you seem, in your own convoluted way, to be ever so sympathetic. So. What is the real motivation? Hmmm. I have my own ideas. But. Let's start with this. I never really thought you were the girlfriend, because even someone as fucking stupid as the FX would never in a million years give the gf any insight into his neurotic tendencies. He needs to be the star, remember? I don't exactly give him that billing, and with really good reason. So I don't think he'll ever be passing my blog address along to her, although, since she seems to be a genuinely nice person, I'm a little tempted myself. Facebook, you know. You can find anyone. It's amazing. Save her a lot of heartbreak. And here's a thought. I understand that you may not want to go public with this, but you could email me. rottencorrespondent@gmail.com. Man up. Or woman up. It doesn't have to be for public consumption. I would really like to know who you are. Stop hiding behind anonymous.


Because in the end, doesn't that lower you to his level?


Oh, and PS. Peter. I know you're still pissed at me, but isn't this what friends are all about? I could really use some help here. Trust me on this.