Monday, November 19, 2007

Fun Monday #4

Fun Monday is being hosted this week by Karisma and this is her assignment:

"I want you to take a trip down memory lane, and keep right on going, right back to your childhood. And I want to hear "THAT STORY". You remember the one? Yes, you do! The one your parents, siblings, extended family or friends, would never let you forget, live down or get over!"


I can do that.


My dad was an incredibly sound sleeper. Family lore said that if
a freight train tore through his bedroom he would sleep right through it. Maybe I had heard this said and wanted to test it, or maybe I was just almost two and didn't have a lot of sense. It's a tough call.

I was in the kitchen with my mom and when she turned away from doing something I was gone. She came looking for me and found me hunched over my dad, who was sound asleep. The only parts of his body that weren't wrapped in the covers were his head and his neck. And for reasons known to no one...

I had buttered him. Taken a stick of butter out of the fridge and greased up his head and neck with the whole thing. He had chunks of butter up his nose and in his ears and stuck in his eyelashes...and he had slept through the whole thing. You've never seen anyone wake up more baffled than he did, if you listen to my mother.

And every time I've heard that story my whole life, it always ends with

Who could have guessed that one stick of butter would go that far?

44 comments:

Kaycie said...

Gawd, you're funny.

And now we know you always were.

Kimberly said...

I am going to be laughing all night about this! Gah! Seriously laughing out loud and getting weird looks from Neil...

karisma said...

Ha ha! Maybe, you thought he was toast?
Great post! Thanks for playing.

Serina Hope said...

LOL
I love it. I wonder what you were thinking. This is my favorite so far.
Happy Monday!

ped crossing said...

I have tears in my eyes. Beware the two year olds. They cause havoc.

Willowtree said...

I'm actually LOLing

Altaglow said...

You're dad never had any clue on why this happened. Nor do I actually. Love,

Pamela said...

you were paying him back for all those nights he never woke up when you cried - and your mom always had to get up!!!

This is a gREAT story.

WendyB said...

LOL!!!!

ciara said...

i'll never look at butter the same way again lol

susan said...

OMG I started to choke because I was laughing to hard. I'll be telling people about you for a while now! I love this story!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee
RC you are a one off sweetie. That was hilarious. I'll be giggling all day. I needed that. :D

LIBSMOM said...

HA HA HA!!! Now that is some sound sleeping! We're you trying to baste him like a turkey or grease him like a muffin tin?
Oh if only you had a picture!!

Flowerpot said...

what an amazing thing to do - canyou remember why???!

Potty Mummy said...

And why the hell not? Very funny RC. My story involves a pair of folding scissors and the dining room curtains. 'Nuff said?

laurie said...

please tell me that nobody said a word when he woke up.

what a great story. i can just see it.... earnest and weird little you.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Puts a whole new twist on the line "Hand me the butter" out of that Marlon Brando porno movie.

kathy said...

the kids are getting ready for school and I had to read it to them, Jack is still laughing.

Hootin'Anni said...

OMG----that's a hoot! A greased daddy. Too too funny.

Bren said...

I'm laughing so hard at your story! The best one I've read today!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

kaycie - somehow I don't think my dad thought so.

kimberly - my husband is always giving me weird looks, too. What is THAT about?

karisma - and thanks to you for hosting!

serina hope - I wonder what I was thinking, too. I really do.

ped crossing - well, you just know that my own two year olds paid me back many times over.

willowtree - good lord. THAT'S a first for me.

altaglow - probably a good thing, don't you think?

pamela - that's a good idea. He never did get up with me, so it would definitely work.

wendyb - welcome!

ciara - just one more reason why olive oil is better for you.

susan - thank you. As long as you're laughing with me...

jo - are you trying to say that my craziness started early? hmm??

libsmom - he really could sleep through anything. it was amazing.(and my 15 year old is exactly like him).

flowerpot - I honestly can't. I don't remember the episode at all, so I'm sure my mother is shamelessly exaggerating it.

If one of my kids did it I'd automatically go over to the dark side and wonder what in the world an adult was doing to them with a stick of butter in bed, if you get my drift. Paranoid, that's me.But there was never any of that toward me from my dad, so your guess is as good as mine!

potty mummy - damn straight - why not! I'd love to hear your story, btw, although I have a sick feeling that I know what's going to happen.

laurie - well, I don't remember this, but I do know that I only have one memory of my dad ever even yelling at me, and I had just kicked him in the crotch (accidentally) in front of a bunch of his friends. I guess I have to cut him some slack for that.

wakeup - I was thinking of that scene myself. No connection, thank god.

kathy - well, I can always be used as a bad example!

hootin' anni - I think my mom and I were quite amused.

bren - well, thank you very much!

kitten said...

Okay! I was wrong! Yours is the funniest today! I really needed a laugh for the day.! Thanks!

Tiggerlane said...

Remind me to never fall asleep around you - I can't believe BUTTER UP THE NOSE? Hysterical!

Kaycie said...

Hey, RC, did I mention that I have now slathered chicken poop on my lips?

Thanks, it's great stuff!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

kitten - thank you! I'm always relieved when someone besides me thinks it's funny!

tiggerlane - well, I'd like to think I have more self control as I've gotten older. Heh.

kaycie - oh, do you like it? I'm SO glad!

Akelamalu said...

Crikey, sounds like you were ready to cook him!

What a coincidence I've posted about childhood memories today too. :)

Sauntering Soul said...

Holy cow that was funny! I would love to know what went through your little mind while you were "buttering dad". I'm cracking up!!

thefoodsnob said...

Lol! Good information to tuck away, 'just in case!'

Lisa

Robocop said...

That's one way to butter up your daddy.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, my! It's like that camp moment with honey gone wrong. Wow. And, he slept through it? That is certainly one sound sleeper.

Robin said...

Can you hear me? Cause I'm laughing OUT LOUD...

Short, but oh, so sweet! Hee lair!!

Gosh, the only difference if this happened "today", your mom would've taken digital pictures and we could've SEEN THE MESS YOU MADE!

This was a story that has been waiting to be told...:)

Swearing Mother said...

That is SO funny! I cannot imagine ever doing anything like that to my Dad, he would have freaked.

What a good sport :o)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Excellent!

Robinella said...

That's so funny. My mom once placed matched between my dad's toes and lit them. He did wake up, but not until his toes got hot!

Sandy said...

OMG, laughing out loud! That is such a great story!

Corey~living and loving said...

That is a truly fabulous story. how funny is that. I just can not imagine sleeping thru something like that. :)

Karmyn R said...

What a hoot! I love it - I can't believe your dad would sleep through getting butter shoved up his nose. Too funny.

my two cents said...

That actually explains a lot about your relationship with your father.

Emma in Canada said...

Oh that was hilarious! My father would have killed me.

-Ann said...

That is seriously one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Your poor daddy! My father fell asleep in his big comfy chair one day after he'd partaken of a few snifters in our village pub. He was bald on top and it was the perfect place for me to draw a face on his head from behind the chair with my mothers make up bag contents. I used eyeliner, lipstick, eyeshadow and blusher to draw a face on his head. I went out to play and forgot about it but later on my father woke up, went back to the pub for a game of snooker with his best pals and when he bent down to take his shot everyone started laughing their pants off at the perectly drawn ladies face on his head!

He wasn't too happy at all when he got home but he eventually saw the funny side of it! Thank God.

Nearlydawn said...

That is entirely too funny! I'll have to try that on my Dad. Do you think it would be a cute, having a 34 yr old butter you up? LOL

Nearlydawn said...

BTW - I just HAD to write my own post on this topic... Have fun reading it if you get a minute. :)

Alta said...

Thank you for the great laugh! I peed my pants reading it!