Thursday, August 21, 2008

mindfulness


I plopped down on my bed, picked up my laptop, and got ready to pull a post out of my, uh, behind. This whole work twelve hours and then try to be creative thing has got to go. It just doesn't work so well, as much as I might want to think it does. My blogger dashboard had barely flickered on the screen when Gumby crawled in next to me and said,


"Can we snuggle?"


Well duh. Of course we can. My precious middlest kid, the boy who has had his finger on my heart since the day he was born, the one spot of calm in my existence...snuggle away. Name your time...I'll be there.



He laid down and I curled up around him. My mind was racing, as usual. What to post? Should I take those extra hours at work tomorrow? Did the dogs need to go outside? Is the bathroom floor sinking even more than usual? Have I gotten all the mice? Why am I not getting to the gym? Can you let out underwear? And so on and so on and so on....



It's never ending.


But then I thought about something I'm trying to work on. Mindfulness. Making sure that you appreciate and savor every moment of your life. Being in the "now" instead of the past or the later. Appreciating what you have and making the effort to wring every drop of joy out of the smallest things.


And so I did. I curled up against his back and held him for all I was worth. I spooned my own kid. He rested his head on my shoulder and I brushed his hair off of his face. I focused totally on the moment. The rise and fall of his chest. The fine dew of sweat on his lip. The sweet feeling of his face on my arm. The way his body, drunk with sleep, grew heavier and heavier against me, reminiscent of when he was a baby and would nurse until he would fall back in glutted delight. I held my boy, the one who has such a difficult position in the family - the middle - and thought once again of how much I absolutely adore this particular child. My middlest, my peacemaker. I remember clearly when he was born, and I held him and I said


You may not always have the biggest house on the block, or the biggest car, but we're going to give you the best life ever. It's all going to be okay. You're going to have a good life. Because we love you silly.


I spend a lot of time running in mental circles. My brain never seems to shut down, even when it clearly should. But as I lay there - in the moment - kissing my sleeping child, I was really grateful for...


the now.

17 comments:

the planet of janet said...

beautiful. it's so important to remember this...

Frances said...

This child is just so great. Long may he continue to know what he wants and to be able to express his emotions. He got through to you - again - a moment of not having to work, organise, do and cope. Even strong women need these breaks. Thanks for sharing this and spreading your kid's wisdom. We all forget to express our love sometimes and the day to day busyness gets in the way of what is really important, that we express love to our kids and family.

kitten said...

Thank you for sharing. We all need to remember this!

TZT said...

Lovely. What came so naturally in those baby days is something I have to make sure I remember to do now. Thanks for the reminder.

Marti said...

What a wonderful post and you know I think the world of Gumby. He truly is special. But the apple does not fall far from the tree.

And thanks for the reminder of what we all should be doing, but oftentimes forget.

Lil Mouse said...

I agree with everything except for the middle kid having a harder time. My parents fell into that trap and my brother has become a manipulative arse because of it, he gets whatever he wants, money, a piece of their property, and basically they ended up paying him to set up his own future with a nice little nest egg. still not sure how that happened. and he hasn't grown out of it. dont buy into the hype of things being 'easier' or 'harder' because of birth position. its just not true. any more than your kid will be scarred for life if you take away the bottle too soon or too late. (not comparing your situation to my family, just saying, that its a dangerous thing to just throw out there like fact-I know way too many spoiled middle kids whose parents were scared they'd feel left out--and way too many older and younger kids who got the short end of the stick for no damn good reason other than their parents believed the hype)...

Simply Jenn said...

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting lately, I'm in some sort of negative suck mode. I totally understand about "the cuddly one". My youngest son can calm me down and quiet my soul like no one else on earth. I don't know the mechanism of this, but I'm glad you have one too!

Anonymous said...

I agree about Gumby, I think he & Lu will forever be friends. He is one nice kid, we have always enjoyed having him here with Lu and Wm really likes him also and made those plans including Gumby. KCGinny

Akelamalu said...

The important things. x

Altaglow said...

I would have liked to be part of that puppy pile. Love

Autumn said...

Thank you for sharing that moment. I needed to hear that today.

ped crossing said...

Makes me want to go hug the boys and kiss their heads.

Kaycie said...

That time is beyond precious. My middle child is my angel and has been most of his life. The middle is a hard spot to inhabit. I think for that reason middle kids are blessed with extra sweetness.

Good for you, enjoying him like that. I know how hard it is to do.

Irene said...

Good for you RC, for having that moment and I hope you will remember it forever and will have many more moments like it. remember mindfulness a lot. It is bigger and better than blogging and you do have a busy life, so these precious moments are worth really something. Thank you for sharing it.

Maggie May said...

Oh, that is so lovely!

Devon said...

Not only did you have a great moment in the present with the middle one, but you came up with a damn good post as well!

Living a life of quiet is much more challenging than having a litany of must do's and busy schedules.

How great for your son to have a mom who can slow down and let him know he matters!

ExpatKat said...

Beautiful post, RC. I'm working on this one too right now - being in the 'now' and valuing what I have.