I plopped down on my bed, picked up my laptop, and got ready to pull a post out of my, uh, behind. This whole work twelve hours and then try to be creative thing has got to go. It just doesn't work so well, as much as I might want to think it does. My blogger dashboard had barely flickered on the screen when Gumby crawled in next to me and said,
"Can we snuggle?"
Well duh. Of course we can. My precious middlest kid, the boy who has had his finger on my heart since the day he was born, the one spot of calm in my existence...snuggle away. Name your time...I'll be there.
He laid down and I curled up around him. My mind was racing, as usual. What to post? Should I take those extra hours at work tomorrow? Did the dogs need to go outside? Is the bathroom floor sinking even more than usual? Have I gotten all the mice? Why am I not getting to the gym? Can you let out underwear? And so on and so on and so on....
It's never ending.
But then I thought about something I'm trying to work on. Mindfulness. Making sure that you appreciate and savor every moment of your life. Being in the "now" instead of the past or the later. Appreciating what you have and making the effort to wring every drop of joy out of the smallest things.
And so I did. I curled up against his back and held him for all I was worth. I spooned my own kid. He rested his head on my shoulder and I brushed his hair off of his face. I focused totally on the moment. The rise and fall of his chest. The fine dew of sweat on his lip. The sweet feeling of his face on my arm. The way his body, drunk with sleep, grew heavier and heavier against me, reminiscent of when he was a baby and would nurse until he would fall back in glutted delight. I held my boy, the one who has such a difficult position in the family - the middle - and thought once again of how much I absolutely adore this particular child. My middlest, my peacemaker. I remember clearly when he was born, and I held him and I said
You may not always have the biggest house on the block, or the biggest car, but we're going to give you the best life ever. It's all going to be okay. You're going to have a good life. Because we love you silly.
I spend a lot of time running in mental circles. My brain never seems to shut down, even when it clearly should. But as I lay there - in the moment - kissing my sleeping child, I was really grateful for...