Wednesday, August 27, 2008

bachelor #2


The thirty-something heavily tattooed man with a world-class mullet who got third degree burns on his fingers in his own backyard meth lab.


The forty-something man who was brought in completely naked, with a blood alcohol level five times the legal limit -three times in one week. Two of those times he was so intoxicated that he had to be put on a vent because he couldn't seem to breathe on his own.


The fifty-something man who has not (by choice) gotten out of bed in a year, but is content to lie there while his (disabled) sister takes care of his every need. When he snapped his fingers at me to clean up the mess he had just made in the bed, he didn't care much for my response. His sister, he explained, thought it was a privilege just to take care of him.


I've had a string of paramedic students this summer. The poor souls get to follow me around and learn how to do everything the wrong way. One guy has been with me a whole bunch of times, and has sort of followed along vicariously as my summer of upheaval has unfolded. He started out meek and trying to fade into the woodwork, but then, guided by the other reprobates I work with, he started to get a little mouthy. That was fine. I like 'em mouthy.


Until we were dealing with patient number two - the frequently intubated one with the Guinness Book of World Records blood alcohol level. My student looked at me evilly and said,


"Quit your bitchin'. You're better off than most single women. At least you get to meet a lot of eligible men at work. "

17 comments:

Altaglow said...

What a hoot!!! Love it!!

Sandy said...

Perfect, just perfect!

Devon said...

I worked on an ambulance until I went through nursing school, then I did ER and burn unit work. I am a stay at home mom now and whenever I think that I miss the excitement, I just read your blog!

Thanks for keeping it real!

P.S. If you were to marry any of these brilliant men, you could take out a large insurance policy and be independently wealthy within 2 years! Just something to think about.

pursegirl said...

I can't even start to comment on this...

I wish I could have seen the look you shot him after this was said!!

Pamela said...

you know he was talking bout himself.

ciara said...

omg lmao i needed this laugh after i just been attacked by a miss-know-it-all in our community's forum.

belle said...

would love to have heard your response :)

Akelamalu said...

I think he fancies you! ;)

Jo Beaufoix said...

Just wanted to say hello. Hope you're doing ok hon, and your new room sounds gorgeous.

Amy said...

Eligible, huh? Eligible for what I'm not sure.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Before any of you gals get the wrong idea, this particular paramedic student is young enough to be my...very young nephew. And is happily married with his second kid on the way. Tsk. I'm far more resistable than you give me props for.

And I had no smart answer for him. I was too busy laughing. Clearly, he had learned something this summer.


Hi, Jo!! Long time no see!

Irene said...

What a mouth on that one! Did you let him get away with that? Or was it all in good fun? I am confused, but it has been a long day. God forbid you should hitch up with someone like that. Excuse me while I wretch.

Marti said...

Gotta love co-workder who can give as well as take it!

That was brilliant!

aims said...

OMG! Aren't they just God's gifts!

Eurghhhhh!

Potty Mummy said...

Well, I thought it was funny...

Jettie said...

OOHH crimmines!!! what a choice you have to pick from!!!
And you know what mouthy in your line of work is better!!!

Kaycie said...

You reap what you sow, darlin. Sounds like you did good.