Thursday, October 16, 2008

locusts


My mother made a pot roast for dinner tonight. A four pound pot roast cooked in the dutch oven on top of the stove, surrounded by whole potatoes, carrot pieces and an ocean of beef gravy. I made a chicken and gnochi stew with shitake mushrooms, carrots and broccoli. For Gumby, I made the chicken stew with fake chicken, hold the mushrooms. The idea was that we would have food for lunches and dinner for the next couple of potential hell days. The reality was different.


Sasquatch and Surfer Dude polished off an entire four pound pot roast in about ten minutes. My mother, who claimed she wasn't hungry and wanted to wait a while, never had a chance. I hear a lot of complaints that I never make roasts for them to destroy, and this was why. My locusts had arrived. The two of them hoarded beef for lunches tomorrow, while at the same time pointing fingers as to who had eaten the most food for dinner. It was ugly.


As soon as I realized what happened, I made the boys pony up their lunch beef for their poor starved Nana. She declined, half incredulous and half gratified at the power of grandma food. I wasn't incredulous or gratified. I just kept walking around saying, "It was a four pound pot roast. Four pounds." This is why I put mushrooms in everything I want to eat. Locusts don't like mushrooms. At least my locusts don't. It doesn't taste so good when it's brownies I'm hoarding, but at least I know they'll be left alone.


My mom is now eating a bowl of my chicken and mushroom stew, and, fueled by a little pre-debate wine, looks up at me periodically and says, "They really ate the whole thing?"


I raise my own glass as I nod that yes, they did indeed eat the whole beefy thing.


Thank god for shitake mushrooms. I won't starve this week.

16 comments:

Devon said...

My kids are so picky right now. I made ricotta gnocci with wine, mushroom and proscutto sauce... DH and I were in heaven, the offsrping barely touched the meal!! Maybe it was the mushrooms!!

4 pounds? I better start saving money for when mine become teenagers!

laurie said...

that is truly amazing.

i bow to your sons.

Janie said...

How funny!

Iota said...

Where do they put it?

Kaycie said...

Boys. You gotta love 'em. I swear, if I cooked half a cow, they'd find a way to eat every last bit of it.

Just the title of this post made me laugh.

sharon said...

Lol! Mine have left home now but when the younger, now in his early twenties, comes for a visit, we use a large serving plate for his dinner! And, yes, he still finishes before us. FYI he's approx 6 ft tall and weighs less than 150 lbs! Hollow legs my grandmother always said.

sharon said...

PS he eats mushrooms too!

ped crossing said...

So you are telling me I should start saving now to feed them, not for their college education?

Rudee said...

Amazing! I'm afraid mine would have eaten all of the mushrooms.

Maggie May said...

Boys will be boys!
Congratulations to your Mum's cooking!

Irene said...

When I was a teenager, I ran track and field and I could put food away like that too without gaining an ounce.That ability lasted well into my thirties and then everything went to hell in a hand basket.I guess I should be running and jumping again. What do you think, at my age?

Akelamalu said...

They're growing! :)

aims said...

OMG!

or

Holy crap!

Cheryl said...

I love your mother. I want her to come to my house, please. Actually, before my mom died, she was an awesome cook, and would cook for an army. The food would always disappear, always. If we had left overs it was a bonus. I miss that. She had 3 boys and 2 girls, but we all were good eaters when it came to her cooking.

Having 3 brothers, I'm amazed you are able to keep food in the house at all.

XOXOXO

stepping over the junk said...

that's funny! I have to hide certain foods sometimes!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Well it must have been good. And that sign above is hilarious. Hope work goes fast and you have a lovely hat at the end of it.