Tuesday, December 23, 2008

older and wiser?

Well, let me see.

There was the time I tore a ligament in my foot doing Jane Fonda aerobics and refused to not finish the class. I ended up on crutches for weeks, and I swear I can sometimes feel that very same ligament twinge. That one I can chalk up to being young and stupid.

Then there was the time I tried to slice my thumb off while cutting up food for my then pet parrot. Several hours of microsurgery and hundreds of stitches later, my "reward" is a scar on my left hand that is quite the attention grabber. I can blame that one on handling carbon steel knives without enough caffeine running through my system. And being young and stupid.

I once waded through a flooded house and grabbed at the handle of a still plugged in fridge. Bad idea. (Young and really stupid). At my dad's house, I turned the gas up too high on the gas grill and ended up burning off my left eyebrow and all of my eyelashes when it ignited on me. (Young, stupid and funny looking). This was the same grill, now that I think about it, where I once absent-mindedly flipped a steak over onto my other hand and gave myself second degree burns. This happened the day before I was going home to California, so I spent the entire plane flight with my hand stuck in a big cup of ice water. (Young, stupid and clumsy).

There was the great Entertainment Center Throwdown of 2007, which left me with a scar on my shinbone from knee to ankle. And the time I got dragged half a block by a German Shepard on a cat finding expedition, taking all the skin off both knees. And the time the above mentioned parrot tried to stop himself from falling off of my shoulder by grabbing onto my nose with his beak. That wasn't pretty. Who knew a nose could make a noise like that? I could go on, but I think I've made my point. You could sell tickets to a guided tour of the scars on my body.

But I'm making a lot of changes in my life, and not repeating past mistakes, so I thought I'd try something new this time. This time I figured I'd hurt myself and not leave a permanent mark. I wanted to lay the Young and Stupid mantle to rest and start working on Older and Wiser. This may be a very long process.

Today - two weeks and four days after Dee Dee the wonder dog knocked me down the stairs, eight twelve hour shifts under the bridge, many Christmas shopping trips finished, three quarters of a bottle of Lortabs and countless Ibuprofens later - I finally went to the doctor. It took a co-worker picking up the phone and dialing the number for me (and then standing there while I actually made the appointment). If stupidity was a sport, I'd be a gold medallist.

My ankle is fractured. Distal fibula, to be exact. It's not a huge break - both the ER doc and the radiologist missed it, probably because of the swelling. But it's damn clear now. The good news is that it's a break that can heal even when bearing weight, as long as it's supported by my lovely ankle boot. The bad news is that the ortho doc sat across from me with a work release form and said "Tell me what you want and I'll write it. Do you want off work for the next six weeks? Do you want to work half-shifts? Quarter? Name it and it's yours."

And I said, "Oh, it's okay. I'll be all right working."

Old and stupid? You be the judge.


Rudee said...

LMAO about the parrot who beaked you.

As for LOA, you know you should just take the rest of the year off and REST/ELEVATE/ENJOY. I'm not shouting. Really, I'm not. But I am still wiping the tears from my eyes.

Thanks for the good laugh. I hope you feel better soon.

my two cents said...

I reserve all judgment. Hope it feels better soon. Maybe something will arrive in the mail that is guaranteed to make you feel better.

Maggie May said...

I see you in a different light as from today...... all covered in scars. LOL! The parrot story needs to be elaborated on.
You had the choice of six weeks off!
Not stupid....... dedicated?!

laurie said...

has anyone ever tied you to a table and then you saw a squirrel and you ran off, dragging the table behind you?

sorry, you remind me somehow of Marley and Me.

well, at least you know you're not wimpy for complaining about the pain.

and now you can make those boys wait on you.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

For goodness sake, woman, why didn't you take some time off? It's not like the hospital is going to come to a grinding halt without you, as indispensable as you are. You sure are a stubborn woman.

Marti said...

I would have taken some time off...what am I saying...I would have done the same thing you did.

When I had my appendix out, the doctor told me I had to stay home for a few days and then I could go back to work...I looked at him and said so, I can be back at work on Wednesday? (this was a saturday) He looked at me and then the nurse and said, "Oh, we have one of those." Then proceeded to tell me that after I saw him (more than a week later) I could think about going back to work!

Sorry about the ankle. It looks like we are simbiotic. Sounds like the same break I just recovered from!

Wishing you feel better! And thanks for the laugh

Frances said...

not surprised.
but yes, you are really really silly not to be resting that DAMN LEG!
We have all been yelling across continents and oceans telling you to TAKE IT EASY - so no, I would say, the problem may be deafness. LOL

So work over Christmas and New Year and drag yourself around moaning in agony and exhaustion, it's your choice, you're all growned up and that's what you want to do - or is it your bad angel again... ;-)

Akelamalu said...

Which God did you piss off?????

Tell me you're kidding about going into work!

Whatever you do I hope you have a Wonderful Christmas and may the New Year bring you Health and Happiness m'dear. x

softinthehead said...

From that description of you with all the scars, you would make a great wanted poster - glad you are still here to tell us all the tale though. Did the fact that it is Christmas not make you feel you deserved a few days off - what a saint. Have a very merry and SAFE Christmas with your boys. All the best.

Pamela said...

I'm never coming to your house to play.

Good heavens!

Anonymous said...

old, stupid, honest. You're a woman. And a mom. And a nurse. There's nothing else you could be but old, stupid, and honest.

Tiggerlane said...

OMG...this post made me laugh until I nearly peed my pants.

You sound a lot like me - UNSTOPPABLE, even with a semi-crippling injury.

Heal, woman!

Jo Beaufoix said...

OMG they should make a film about you. And the last one just mad me shout noooooo.

Hope it gets better soon.