Tuesday, December 16, 2008

talk is cheap


Sasquatch: Mom, can I have some money to go downtown? Can we go out to dinner instead of making it? Can't we just order a pizza? I'm tired of pasta (chili, stir-fry, soup) - I want meat. Lots and lots of meat. Can I have two people over to spend the night on Friday? Yes? Can I have three? Four? Five? Will you drive me to the comic book store so I can buy a pack of Magic cards? Will you give me the money to go to the comic book store so I can buy a pack of Magic cards? Will you drive to the ATM to get the money to give me so I can go to the comic book store and buy a pack of Magic cards? Whaddya mean it's nasty outside? It's not an actual blizzard. It's only fifteen below. I don't need a jacket. I have a hoodie. It's not even cold out there. You're such an alarmist. (and so on and so on and so on until I want to scream).



Gumby: So I'm building this alternate world in my computer game and I'm having trouble with the Derschnitzes. Whaddya mean you don't know what a Derschnitz is? I've told you a whole bunch of times. The Derschnitzes are the ones who exploded the universe and killed all the Hobblegangers before the fall of the Weebleblitzers. Whaddya mean you don't remember the Weebleblitzers? They're the ones who threw a flameball the size of Wyoming into the den of the Boobiebuckers until they finally gave in and brought them the head of the king of the Whosiewhatsis on a platter. Why do you have so much trouble keeping this all straight? It's really simple. Here, I'll explain it all from the beginning. (and so on and so on and so on as my eyes glaze over).



Surfer Dude: What would you rather do? Go without food for a year or not be allowed to go to the bathroom? How about this? Would you rather eat a maggot covered rotten banana or a live spider rolled in poop? Would you rather be locked in a trunk for a week or nailed in a closet? Would you rather have a finger or a toe chopped off? If you had to give one of us up for adoption which one of my brothers would it be? What's your favorite place you've ever been? Why? If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be? Why? What's the maddest you've ever been? Why? What's the best movie you've ever seen? Why? What's your favorite Beatles song? Why? Who was the best teacher you ever had? Why? Why do you have that look on your face? Does something hurt? (and so on and so on and so on until my head explodes).


I always said I wanted verbal kids.


Why?

17 comments:

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

If they were girls, I would tel you to send them all to the convent where the vow of silence is imposed. maybe they have something like that for boys too.

my two cents said...

I almost died laughing - my husband came in from the other room to see what was going on. I can hear each of them which makes it all that much funnier. Brilliant! What would we do without you?

Maggie May said...

I did enjoy that post! Well done!

Anonymous said...

sounds at least like surfer dude is really interested in you as a person. :-)

Aoj and The Lurchers said...

*snorts with laughter*

Be careful what you wish for!!

softinthehead said...

LOL That was great RC I could hear my sons in each one of yours at various stages of life. I loved the computer world one, been there for sure - my only comparison in my own childhood is being totally wrapped in all the Enid Blyton worlds, Mallory Towers, Faraway Tree, Secret Seven - I can remember how real it all was for me. Great post.

luos said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Frances said...

And you also get a chatty spammer. LOL - I have never seen such an extensive spam. The only redeeming point is that at least they are so different that the spouts are varied. Can you imagine if they were all talking about the same thing?? LOL I only have one, so it is different for me, but I can see my Mum glazing over as she tells us in detail about what people said and how she reacted and what people did and .... and you have to listen because advice will be asked at some unexpected moment, usually the advice is wrong, upsetting to a teenager, or shows I haven't really been listening.
BUT - laughs and earache apart, at least those channels are still OPEN.
hugs.

kathy said...

omg, they haven't changed a bit!

ciara said...

i didn't know there were boys around who could talk as much as my girls! i feel for ya.

Wisewebwoman said...

One of my girls was an incessant talker, too, RC, and would just run on and on, now and again interrupting a flow to say" You're not looking at me!!" and then resuming non-stop for what seemed like hours until I wanted to fall down and whimper.
I miss it.
You will too.
XO
WWW

Amy said...

When we were in Florida, there was an Irish family sitting behind us on the bus. This little girl of about 11 was going on and on with the would-you-rathers. I was in stitches after a while, listening to that lilting voice saying, "Would you rather cut off all your toes with a rusty knife or eat your flip flop? ... Would you rather poke yourself in the eye with a needle or eat your flip flop? ..." She had a thing for eating flip flops. And toenails. Gross.

Akelamalu said...

Endless, endless questions! Why do they do it? ;)

Ladybird World Mother said...

That was funny. LOL moment. Especially the first one... I have one like that!
Love your blog and will be back. Oh, and just read previous post about moments of peace. So nice. Get those too. sometimes.Good, arent they!

Marti said...

That was great, RC! I can hear each one of them right now.

LOL

Iota said...

That is SO funny.

When you ask them about school, do they continue that great boy tradition of saying "can't remember", or do you get equal verbiage?

Jo Beaufoix said...

Heh heh, I'd gag 'em.