Sasquatch: Mom, can I have some money to go downtown? Can we go out to dinner instead of making it? Can't we just order a pizza? I'm tired of pasta (chili, stir-fry, soup) - I want meat. Lots and lots of meat. Can I have two people over to spend the night on Friday? Yes? Can I have three? Four? Five? Will you drive me to the comic book store so I can buy a pack of Magic cards? Will you give me the money to go to the comic book store so I can buy a pack of Magic cards? Will you drive to the ATM to get the money to give me so I can go to the comic book store and buy a pack of Magic cards? Whaddya mean it's nasty outside? It's not an actual blizzard. It's only fifteen below. I don't need a jacket. I have a hoodie. It's not even cold out there. You're such an alarmist. (and so on and so on and so on until I want to scream).
Gumby: So I'm building this alternate world in my computer game and I'm having trouble with the Derschnitzes. Whaddya mean you don't know what a Derschnitz is? I've told you a whole bunch of times. The Derschnitzes are the ones who exploded the universe and killed all the Hobblegangers before the fall of the Weebleblitzers. Whaddya mean you don't remember the Weebleblitzers? They're the ones who threw a flameball the size of Wyoming into the den of the Boobiebuckers until they finally gave in and brought them the head of the king of the Whosiewhatsis on a platter. Why do you have so much trouble keeping this all straight? It's really simple. Here, I'll explain it all from the beginning. (and so on and so on and so on as my eyes glaze over).
Surfer Dude: What would you rather do? Go without food for a year or not be allowed to go to the bathroom? How about this? Would you rather eat a maggot covered rotten banana or a live spider rolled in poop? Would you rather be locked in a trunk for a week or nailed in a closet? Would you rather have a finger or a toe chopped off? If you had to give one of us up for adoption which one of my brothers would it be? What's your favorite place you've ever been? Why? If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be? Why? What's the maddest you've ever been? Why? What's the best movie you've ever seen? Why? What's your favorite Beatles song? Why? Who was the best teacher you ever had? Why? Why do you have that look on your face? Does something hurt? (and so on and so on and so on until my head explodes).
I always said I wanted verbal kids.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Posted by the rotten correspondent at 12:02 AM