Hot on the heels of yesterday's Aricept moment, I'm solidly in the middle of a Gemini moment. Remember Gemini? The Twins? Like the Good Gemini/Bad Gemini graphics above demonstrates so well, we can cover a lot of territory in a very short period of time. Sometimes that's good. Today is not one of those days. I'm having myself a little crisis, and it all boils down to this:
I don't know what I'm doing, people. I am a woman without a clue.
Contradictions in my thoughts processes are not unknown to me, but usually I can untangle them if I give myself enough time. At the moment, every knot I unravel turns into another snag almost immediately. Consider the spaghetti pile of dilemmas in my head -
I am shocked (amazed, befuddled, bewildered, gratified) by how much I like not being married. And this only happened because the FX upset the apple cart, pulling the plug on something that I personally had never had the balls to walk away from. In a weird way, I should send him a Thank You card. But yet...
I'm still really angry at him.
Or how about this one -
Neither of my two date proposals seem to understand the word no. Or maybe I didn't put it right. Or maybe (god forbid), my stupid act isn't as good as I think it is. (Any bets on what Willowtree is going to do with that statement??) Whatever the reason, they're both still persuing their cause. And I'm still playing stupid. I have absolutely no intention of caving in and saying yes, and think it would be nice if they could just forget this all ever happened. But yet...
I'm kind of enjoying it. In a purely scientific, collecting research for my book sort of way, of course.
Third one's the charm -
I know that it's a cold and lonely world out there in the romance department, with perfectly lovely people struggling to find a partner, no matter how badly they want one. I know that the longer it takes me to dip back into the dating game, the higher the probability that I'll end up without a mate. I also know that I don't want one. Not now, anyway. But yet...
I'm almost having fun with this. I had honestly forgotten what it felt like to get this kind of attention. And at an age where I'm smart enough to see it for the bullshit it is, and not fall into a trap like a wide eyed twenty year old. I've got nothing to lose.
Is it the Gemini pull? Or am I finally going round the bend?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Posted by the rotten correspondent at 12:02 AM