Thursday, January 29, 2009

analyze this




Hot on the heels of yesterday's Aricept moment, I'm solidly in the middle of a Gemini moment. Remember Gemini? The Twins? Like the Good Gemini/Bad Gemini graphics above demonstrates so well, we can cover a lot of territory in a very short period of time. Sometimes that's good. Today is not one of those days. I'm having myself a little crisis, and it all boils down to this:


I don't know what I'm doing, people. I am a woman without a clue.



Contradictions in my thoughts processes are not unknown to me, but usually I can untangle them if I give myself enough time. At the moment, every knot I unravel turns into another snag almost immediately. Consider the spaghetti pile of dilemmas in my head -


I am shocked (amazed, befuddled, bewildered, gratified) by how much I like not being married. And this only happened because the FX upset the apple cart, pulling the plug on something that I personally had never had the balls to walk away from. In a weird way, I should send him a Thank You card. But yet...


I'm still really angry at him.



Or how about this one -


Neither of my two date proposals seem to understand the word no. Or maybe I didn't put it right. Or maybe (god forbid), my stupid act isn't as good as I think it is. (Any bets on what Willowtree is going to do with that statement??) Whatever the reason, they're both still persuing their cause. And I'm still playing stupid. I have absolutely no intention of caving in and saying yes, and think it would be nice if they could just forget this all ever happened. But yet...


I'm kind of enjoying it. In a purely scientific, collecting research for my book sort of way, of course.


Third one's the charm -


I know that it's a cold and lonely world out there in the romance department, with perfectly lovely people struggling to find a partner, no matter how badly they want one. I know that the longer it takes me to dip back into the dating game, the higher the probability that I'll end up without a mate. I also know that I don't want one. Not now, anyway. But yet...


I'm almost having fun with this. I had honestly forgotten what it felt like to get this kind of attention. And at an age where I'm smart enough to see it for the bullshit it is, and not fall into a trap like a wide eyed twenty year old. I've got nothing to lose.


Is it the Gemini pull? Or am I finally going round the bend?

16 comments:

WT said...

Come on, that's way too easy! However I'll hazard a guess as to why they are still pursuing you. The toilet on the third floor says that you can't say no, so the young guy may just think he just misheard you, and the older guy probably thinks that stupid = easy.

WT said...

PS. I told you that you'd enjoy not being married.

Maggie May said...

I wouldn't be in a rush to get tied down again. Give it a while and I am sure MR Perfect will be out there. (Perfect for you, that is) Take it easy.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

I like living on my own too and I am glad that I am, but that doesn't mean that I can't be angry at the Exfactor for the way he treated me. There are numerous ways to walk out of a marriage and he certainly doesn't get any points for the way he attempted to walk out of ours. He left it up to me, after all. He didn't have the courage to walk away for the right reasons and cheated on me instead and broke my trust in him. That's foul play. I don't forgive him for that and the pain he caused, even though I am happy on my own.

Aoj and The Lurchers said...

You are not a woman without a clue.

You are a recently single woman with, due to the circumstances of you being recently single, a somewhat crushed ego. Attention from a man is therefore extremely enjoyable. Even if your head and your heart don't want the attention, nor to start dating again, your hormones do. Hormones rule!

Trust me on this. You and I are living parallel lives at the moment so I know exactly what you're going through. My advice is relax and enjoy it and whatever happens happens, or doesn't happen as the case may be!

softinthehead said...

For "acting stupid" I am just going to read "playing hard to get"..... enjoy it :)

laurie said...

i dunno...doesn't seem contradictory to me. i liked being single, too, but i still wanted to slash the tires of the dough head who dumped me and put me in that single state.

my anger at him had nothing to do with how much i liked or didn't like my life.

and as for the other, well, if you'd quit being so ALL OR NOTHING, so BLACK OR WHITE you might see that (a) turning down your first offer of a date doesn't mean you'll be single forever, and (b) accepting a date doesn't mean you have to marry the guy.

the rotten correspondent said...

Peter - toilets? Say what? And yes, you did indeed tell me that I'd enjoy being single. I just didn't believe you.

Maggie May - oh, I'm not in any rush. and the only Mr. Perfect I can think of has four legs and bad gas.

Irene - you nailed it, hon. That's EXACTLY my same anger. It isn't that he left me - it's the way he did it. He had to take me apart piece by piece because he had to make it my fault. Less guilt for him if he could convince himself that I was a castrating, stifling bitch. And now he wants to be friends. Well, why would anyone want to be friends with a castrating, stifling bitch? Nope. no anger here.If he'd just man up and accept the fact that he played a part, too, I might possibly forgive him.

Angela - I know. We are leading parallel lives, so I was really curious as to what you might say. I guess you never can rule out those pesky hormones. Shouldn't I be too old for those little buggers??

softinthehead - me? Hard to get? Pshaw. I just think men can't handle genuine disinterest.(And I like both of these guys. I really do.In a friendly type way).

laurie - I'm not at all black and white. I know that turning down the first offer doesn't mean I'll be single forever. I get that. What worries me is that I have absolutely zero desire to get back in the game. And who decides what an appropriate time frame is? Is there some neon light over my head that says She's Ready!! Or Not!!??

I also get that going out is a very casual thing and doesn't mean squat. But here's the problem? What if I like it??

Kaycie said...

What if you like it?!? The horror!

For such a smart lady, sometimes you are unbelievably thick headed. Stay away from the kid unless you're looking to be someone's Mrs. Robinson. The older guy, though, I'd let him buy me dinner. Adult male company is a good thing. If you like it, you can do it again. If you don't, at least when you turn him down, he'll know you're familiar with what you're saying no to, and will probably leave you alone.

the rotten correspondent said...

kaycie - who you calling thick headed?? I'm not the Mrs. Robinson type, although it does amaze me the things that come out of his mouth. And I have plenty of adult male company. I'm surrounded by them.

Thanks for the "smart lady" bit though. Now if I could only act like it.

Aoj and The Lurchers said...

Unfortunately, you are never too old for hormones!

Daryl said...

You are thinking too much, what's the point of trying to second or even third guess yourself ... you're happy, YES you are happy about being single so stop trying to find a reason not to be, you're enjoying the attention of two male creatures .. no one said you have to get involved with either or both .. why not just enjoy it .. think of it like a spa day .. feels good, doesnt last but while it does why not go with it .. go with the flow ..

Devon said...

I think contentment and confidence are really attractive. You are probably coming across as happy and confident and this is making the men around you sit up and take notice. I'm sure it has nothing to do with bathroom graffiti!

I wouldn't worry about the opposing ideas. Frankly I'm always a little scared of people who see things only in black and white!

the rotten correspondent said...

Angela - that's what I was afraid of!

Daryl - well, sure I'm overthinking it. That's what I do. And you know, my new year's resolution for 2008 was to be more of a go with the flow kind of gal...and look where that got me. I'm still working on that.

Devon - thank you for finally clarifying what the hell WT was talking about. I've been walking around all day saying "toilets??"

Akelamalu said...

Well if you're sure you don't want to cave in, there's nothing wrong in just enjoying it! :)

Pamela said...

I think the thought processes make a lot of sense.

I don't have those particular thoughts going through my head, but I sure jump the fence often on many other processes.