Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Natural


While Dee Dee the Wonder Dog could keep a full-time publicist busy doing damage control, she's inadvertently stumbled into a pot of gold. Movie gold. Also known as Marley and Me. All of a sudden, it's become quite chic to have a completely out of control 500 pound Lab. Trust me on this. I'm living proof.


I think it's fair to say that there are a lot of people going to see the movie who didn't read the book. I'm the opposite, although I'd like to see the movie at some point. And I don't know if they cleaned up Marley's behavior in the film, but in the book he was a real piece of work. In the book he listened to no one and took no prisoners. In the book...he reminded me a lot of Dee Dee. A four legged shark who chewed, inhaled and destroyed everything in his path.



Up until the movie came out, most people had the same response when they heard how my ankle got broken, and it was usually some variation on what did I do to the dog afterwards? Now the questioners look at me with this goofy expression on their faces and say, "Oh! Was it a Lab?"and when I allow that yes, it was, they invariably say, "Oh! How cute."


Cute, my ankle. And other parts of my body, too. Tonight as I crawled up the stairs after work (two days down, one to go. Friday I rejoin the land of the living), I noticed that she had made giant strides on her favorite chew toy - the upstairs sofa. Then I walked into my bedroom to find that someone who shall remain nameless dragged all the blankets off my bed onto the floor and then kicked a tear in my California King fitted sheet (ka-ching!!) from the head of the bed to the foot. I'll let you imagine the next five minutes in your heads. Can we just say that it wasn't pretty?


But I suppose if there was hope for Marley, there's hope for Dee Dee. Maybe I could hire her out to the movies. I hear they're in production for Jaws 17 now.


She'd be a natural.

20 comments:

Rudee said...

I dog sat a lab once. He chewed an entire mattress. That was one long weekend. Your dog still has a pulse, right?

Thalia's Child said...

oh no!!!!

the rotten correspondent said...

rudee - pulse, yes. sense, no.

thalia's child - oh yes!!!! aargh.

Pamela said...

probably someone has already suggested "its me or the dog."

I'd love to see you on tv.

WT said...

Ha! I have no sympathy for you. You are way better off than me, a beagle is just a lab with shorter legs, longer ears and fewer brains.

PS. I've lost sheets that way too. but at least he piles my blankets up on the bed.

ped crossing said...

Oh, dogs. Velcro is the exact right height and enough weight to trip to kill. In the morning when he thinks you are going to feed him, you take your life in your hands on the stairs. We have ordered an auto feeder for him so he can pounce on that instead of one of us.

In answer to your comment, yes I have good meds, but they have limits on frequency. So I was hoping that I wouldn't need one today.

Stacie said...

Look at how innocent she looks in that picture! How could she possibly be such a terror? HeHe...this is a case of looks are deceiving right?

Hoping you both manage to survive the rest of the week until you get to blessed Friday. :-)

Maggie May said...

I don't think I could put up with bad doggie behaviour these days, though I have had pets in the past ....... of the miniature type! Yorkies!

-Ann said...

I've got a friend with a giant yellow lab like Marley. His name is Thor - his owners are a former mental hospital nurse and a mental hospital administrator, so Thor is short for Thorazine. Thor could use some of his namesake medication. Or some Valium or something!

Marti said...

Oh RC! Not the sheets...I would seriously think about closing your bedroom door so she can't get in there and ruin your place of comfort.

Keeping you in my thoughts!

Kaytabug said...

Yes I know this pain, well not your ankle pain, but my Luke is a yellow lab. His Dad is the BIGGEST LAB I have ever seen. I totally need a picture of that big lug. Dee Dee is a doll! I'm sorry about your sheets.
I gave my hubby the Marley and me book for Christmas. I bought it way before the movie came out(I didn't even know it was going to be a movie) I need to read it now!

Jenn And The City said...

I'll put a six-month old whippet puppy up against a lab any day. Disemboweled an entire leather ottoman. Chewed the hinge pins off the kitchen door. And then there was the day he lit the burners on the gas stove....

Amy said...

Not the sheets! Our rats chewed holes in my favorite (and expensive) sheets. I thought we'd be able to just live with the hole, but my daughter and her friend saw it and decided to make it bigger for the play they were writing.

I'm with Marti--keep your door shut. We've started doing that because of the rabbits--they chew everything, including cords, which are a real pain to fix.

Akelamalu said...

LOL I'm imagining the scene! :0

distracted by shiny objects said...

Where's Cruella Deville when you need her??

Devon said...

My Black lab, whom I named Marley 2 years before the book came out, is adorable and doesn't destroy anything in my house. But he does like to eat butter!

I refuse to read the book. For two years I had a totally cool and unique dog name, now it is worse than Max!!!!!!!

my two cents said...

Hiring DeeDee out to the movies is a great idea. I guess that means you'll be moving back to the area?

laurie said...

oh i hated that book. your dog cannot be in the same category as Marley, RC. marley was completely and thoroughly untrained in every regard. i rolled my eyes through the book and shouted at the writer: if you have not trained your dog to stay, you should not bring him to an outdoor restaurant and then tie his leash to a small table!

unless, of course, you're collecting material for a book. or a movie.

poor dog was never trained....

oh, sorry, where were we?

the rotten correspondent said...

When I came home tonight she was sprawled across my bed like the Queen of frickin' Sheba. This dog is going to kill me.

I think she's the reason the FX moved into a No Animals rental.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Heh heh, I read that book ad it didn't make me want a lab. Neither did the two and a half years running a boardng kennels. Snort. Lovely dogs, but crazy. We're hoping for a pup this year though, hopefully a bedlington x so it's coat will not effect my families skin. I am so excited.