Thursday, January 22, 2009

This is MY opinion, okay? I'm not putting any words in YOUR mouth. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??

Sasquatch and I have had a day.

From the moment he bellowed in my still sleeping ear this morning that he was running really late for the bus and would I drive him until ten minutes ago when he shrieked at me that he couldn't possibly turn off all the lights downstairs before he came up because that would leave him down there... alone, in the dark, we've gone round and round. It's all been stupid stuff, but there's been a lot of it, and it seems like it has gone on for hours, even though I know it hasn't. Today, we've simply been on different planets.

Once again, he's ducking and dodging, diverting any responsibility or blame onto someone other than himself (aka Me), while skating blithely through the mess he's just created almost single-handedly. He's left a string of unanswered questions in his wake. Why is it that he manages to make the bus just fine on the mornings I work and can't possibly drive him? Why is it that he can walk home in the dark from downtown - past a big shadowy park - but can't turn off all the lights downstairs because "then it will be dark"?? Why does he not understand that two t-shirts and a sock is not a full load of laundry? And that if you climb in the shower while your "load" of laundry is going, the water temperature is going to fluctuate big time.

Was that a scream I just heard from the bathroom?

And here's the really weird part. I'm kind of out of practice with this, because he's been a lot better about stuff lately. He's trying - in his half-assed teenaged way - to be more responsible and reliable, and for the most part it's working. I have to try - in my half-assed motherly way - to avoid some of the landmines that I know are there. The personal responsibility issue is enormous for me, and unfortunately for the poor kid, genetics were not kind to him in that respect. His instinctive response is to deny, and if that doesn't work, move on to deflect.

Case in point: Right before Christmas, he threw a "load" of laundry into the washer and then went to school. After I had moved everything into the dryer, there was an awful noise coming from the laundry room...clunk clunk WHAM clunk clunk WHAM. The answer to the noise was found in the pocket of a pair of his cargo pants - a great big silver serving spoon...that wasn't mine. I asked him about it when he got home. Oh, he said, I must've gotten that when I spent the night at Evan's house. But why, I asked, is there a serving spoon in your pocket? And he said (wait for it) I don't know. I didn't put it there. I pursued it, since I was frankly baffled. (Not as baffled as my friend Stacey, Evan's mom, who said Am I going to have to check your son's pockets for valuables when he leaves my house?) He thought about it for a minute and then remembered some dorky game they had been playing that somehow involved the spoon. But why, I pressed, did you bring it home in your pocket?

And, the denial avenue being closed, he went straight for his number two weapon and said Evan must've put it in there.

Let's just go with that.


The Finely Tuned Woman said...

This can't be a lot of fun for you and I don't envy you the task of raising this one. Some kids are naturally evasive and just don't seem to understand that it is better to tell the truth. That it will get them into less trouble. They seem to imagine all sorts of horrible consequences if they do. Maybe somehow you can get through to him that he won't be drawn and quartered if he just tells you what happened and why he thinks he is afraid of the dark etc.

Maggie May said...

Lack of communication seems to be a man thing.
Not at all surprised by any of it. It all seems to fit into the strange world of being a teenager and being the Mum of one! LOL

Daryl said...

May I say that its posts like these that make me glad we dont have kids ... and at the same time make me remember being a kid ...

No idea why kids lie, I dont think its a conscious decision or maybe it is and they(the lying ones) dont realize it.

Wisewebwoman said...

I was the lying kid. Backed into a corner and kept at it barefaced. Punishments (abusive) were given whether caught in the lie or not. Lying became a kind of game to me. Hard to explain. A kind of power trip over the enraged father. Something to call my own.
Does this make sense?
and no I don't lie today, it took me a long time to break the habit.

Marti said...

That is enough to bang your head. My brother was a liar...even when the truth would have been better. Now, he has become brutally honest...go figure.

Good Luck RC!

aims said...


Anonymous said...

Teenage boys are mind boggling. Your posts give me a chuckle and the strength to go round 2 with my own.

He never fibbed much when he was younger- it seems he saved it all up for now. I am so confused.

kl crab

Tiggerlane said...

I am SO glad I am not alone...raising a teenager is sheer hell. And the logic is baffling.

I don't ever remember being as sly as they are now...

I'm going to check my daughter's pockets for spoons now.

Anonymous said...

4. YOU WILL MISS THEM (yeah really)

my two cents said...

I am listening and I hear you and your opinions are ok with me.

The spoon thing is just funny. Maybe if a spoon can magically appear in his pocket the cell phone lost at Zuma can, too.

As for the dark thing...Get a basket of cheap flashlights for downstairs so he can use one to find his way around. Make one a mag light, they are heavy and make a good weapon. The kid is 6' something and with a mag light he should be able to conquer anything that tries to find him in the dark.

sistawhodownunder said...

My son did a similair thing why....he could never tell me...I just put it down to a boy thing. He's 30 now and still won't discus it with me.

Frances said...

I don't know your boy, but I can tell you that I finally learnt that whenever my daughter is playing up and seems unbearable, she is generally suffering in silence about something. Usually something she doesn't want to actually say out loud because she will cry or worry me... I used to react badly to her when she behaved unbearably, then I remembered that when she was tiny she had her first real crazy tantrum for no apparent reason and a couple of hours later I found out (once I thought straight!) that her best friend was bullying her at school and getting other kids to join in with the bullying.
Nowadays it is more likely something with her father who is somewhat insensitive on the rare occasions they have contact over the phone.
Just a thought.