Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Thursday Three



How about...




Three of my worst Pet Peeves






We all have them - the things that drive us totally up the wall. They can be innocent or petty or even unrecognizable to others, but they're still there. The term Pet Peeves is obviously open to interpretation, but I generally think of them as things that really aren't earth-shattering or a matter of life or death. They're just annoying as hell. And, like nails on a chalkboard, they can send your blood pressure sky high. And with some things it seems there's a lower threshold than others. It's all about the thresholds.



Let's go then.



#1. Bad Grammar. I admit it. I am the grammar police. I can't stand it when people say "ain't" when they should be saying "am not" or "isn't". My skin crawls when people say "don't" when they really mean "doesn't". Double negatives drive me batty and a lot of the popular culture speak leaves me scratching my head wondering what in the world they just said. And while I'm pretty sure I don't really want to know, it still bugs me.



My poor children have had this drilled into their heads since they were in utero. I don't care if they haven't showered today, I can live if their friends eat all my food, I am even okay with less than fabulous grades - but don't say ain't to your mother. The grief is not worth it.



And just to keep me from being fanatical on this issue - I present my Alabama grandmother, at whose feet I worshipped. She could make double negatives cry and had her own grammatical shorthand that sounded fine coming from her, but could have run into trouble in the general population. One cold day she said to me "Doll, you ain't not got no slippers?" and I was stone cold flummoxed. I got the gist. Something about cold feet and warm slippers. But twenty years later I'm still not completely sure what she said.



And I couldn't care less.




#2. Spitters. Of all the disgusting, vile, revolting habits in the world, this one tops my list. It's not just that spit is the one thing guaranteed to make me gag either. It's the absolute disregard for the poor schmo who has to watch it or step in it or listen to that noise when you hawk it all up. Ugh. The back of my throat is twitching just thinking about it.



And I don't have body function issues either. I have three boys, remember? I haven't sat on a dry toilet seat in fourteen years. In my house people say "Pull my finger" like we're asking what we're having for dessert. I've lost more perennials to boys having peeing contests in the yard than I'd like to admit. My poor hostas never had a chance. And, thanks to a fifteen year old boy who shall remain nameless, (jack) Surfer Dude can now belch the entire alphabet at surround sound volume. I can objectively say that I'm a pretty tough gross out.




But spitting does it. It's just unnecessary.Use a tissue for the love of god. And did I mention it's disgusting, vile and revolting? Just making sure.




#3. One Upsmanship. This is a tough call because I also don't care for overall rudeness, but in its own little passive aggressive way this is plenty rude too. I can't stand it when people feel a constant need to one up you. I don't care how much more money you make or how many people you beat out for that job or why the boss likes you the best. If my kid has the flu theirs has pneumonia. If I lose two pounds they lose four. If my husband gets a promotion their husband buys the company. Come on. Could you just relax a little? Doesn't it get a little tiring to always attempt to come out on top of every situation? Can't you just be the bug today instead of the windshield?


I have given myself a gift as I've gotten older and I've weeded this type out of my life as much as possible. They can just suck the joy right out of you. I had a dear "friend" who never let me forget it when I took almost ten years off of work to stay at home with my kids. In that period of time I lost count of how many of her sentences started with, "Well, of course I'd like to (fill in the blank) but I can't because I work". And it wasn't said in a "boy, do I envy you" tone either. It was flat out bitchy. To some degree these are the people you have to deal with in work, family and social situations, so it doesn't hurt to be able to blandly turn the other cheek and not rise to the bait. But the blander I look the more I internally boil. One day I'm going to blow like Mt. St. Helen's and let them have it. I may even spit.


See if they can top that.



Allright, now it's your turn. I want pet peeves, no matter how small or petty. Surely I'm not the only person who feels this way? Say it ain't so.

11 comments:

Jen said...

Wow, three pet peeves, I can almost smell the negative energy floating around in here LOL!

1. People who let their animals run around the neighbourhood. I have some lovely neighbours, I do. They've spent a lot of money on a Chihuahua, they even named her Princess. But one day, Princess is going to get run over because she can't stay in her yard, and is never supervised.

2. People who let their children run wild. Kids are kids, they're loud, they make noise, they break things. I get that. But if your kid is smacking my table every time they walk by for their 14th trip to the restaurant bathroom and you don't do anything about it, you've ticked me off.

3. People who can't just come out and say what they mean. I don't mean the grammar issue (although, that used to bother me). I mean people who beat around the bush and take fifteen minutes to tell me something that should have taken five. I know I'm impatient. However, if I've done something wrong, please tell me so I can fix it. I don't care about how your Grandma Agnes did something, just tell me what you want done!

Whew! I feel better now. With all that writing I should go get my own blog *grin*

laurie said...

three? you're limiting me to three???

oooh boy. ok.

1) cellphone-gabbing-mini-van-driving-passing-on-the-right-racing-through-the-yellow-light-ok-it's-really-red-by-now drivers. man i hate that.

2) liars. i cannot take being lied to. especially at work. about work things. where i will eventually find out the truth. it's not just counterproductive and wrong, it's dismissive and rude. am i thinking of a certain example right now? does it involve a design person who claimed to have assigned a designer to one of my projects but actually didn't? maybe.

3) hard to winnow down a third. people who walk on the bike path and refuse to move when i'm biking up behind them? nah, that seems too minor. people who roller-blade on the bike path while holding hands and wearing i-pods so they can't hear me coming up behind them and i can't get past them? naaah, too specific. that's only happened a handful of times.

how about people who don't pick up after their dogs? hmmmmm. that's a good one. can't stand someone else's dog turds. (i happily pick up after my own. but somehow someone else's anonymous cold turds.....ok this comment is veering toward gross.)

micromanagers? that's another work one. can't stand that.

hmmm. i'll have to come back later with no. 3. i just can't pick one!

look forward to everyone else's.

auntie barbie said...

This was an easy one.

1. Automated phone systems. I hate trying to have a conversation with a machine who is not programmed to know what I'm talking about so its reply is to say "Thank you for calling, have a nice day" and hang up. GRRRRRRRRRRR.

2. People who don't hold doors for others. People, it just takes a second to look behind you to see if someone is there before you let the door slam in someones face. I'm guessing these are the same folks that change lanes without looking or signaling while driving.

3. People who say "Well, you are middle age now" What the hell does that mean? So I'm 45, so what? I thought I had another 5 years til middle age. I hate being labeled.

I guess its obvious that I've had a week of peeves. Thanks so much for letting me vent. I feel much better now. :)

pursegirl said...

Well, I used to hate it when people left up their Christmas lights all year long, but that was before I saw the brilliance in it. So, not to beat a dead horse...

1. Bad Grammar. Man Child and I have a long running feud over whether or not "anyways" is grammatically correct. I say it just sounds wrong, while he insists the dictionary does not lie. I'm not into "ain't" and I especially hate it when people add an S to words that don't require one, like "Wal Marts". Just wear a badge saying "I'm a dumb hillbilly." (since I am a hillbilly, I can call others this)

2. When people do not replace the toilet paper ON the roll. I understand that getting a new roll and placing it on the back of the toilet does, indeed, make it accessible, however, is the 45 seconds it would take (Yes, I've timed it) to put it on the dispenser really too much to ask? I actually brought my entire family into the bathroom once and had a tutorial on how to replace it. That was 3 years ago. It made no difference. Some of you may remember this line from "The Story of Us"... I'm paraphrasing... I do not want to french kiss someone who cannot even put the toilet paper back on the roll. Do they not see it? Do they not see it?
Enough said.

3. When people do not replace the cap to a 2-liter of soda all the way. Do they not know it goes flat? Do they not care that the fizzy joy of coke zero is what I need to make my day successful? Don't they know I will eventually catch them in the act and kill them? Who am I kidding, it's Chef Boy Dumbass who does it. He clearly does not want me to be happy.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Darn it, Jen, I am trying to work through my negative energy. Can't you tell??* grin* I do feel a lot better now, although you ladies have listed things I had totally forgotten about but wholeheartedly agree with.

Jen- I agree with all of yours. Sometimes I want to say to people Just SPIT it out. Get it? Spit? tee hee

Laurie - Welcome! And I'm completely in agreement about being lied to. That's a huge hot button for me. And cold strange turds don't do much for me either.

auntie barbie - automated phone systems? AARGH!! My husband tells me that he read somewhere that if you cuss on the voice activated systems that they automatically put you through to a person. I may inadvertently try that one day. Never on purpose of course.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Uh oh pursegirl. Trouble in camping paradise? Will Chef Boy make it home? Man Child and I have had the same argument about "anyways" and I too have been defeated by a hormonal lawyer in the making.

And just because last year's Halloween Lights are still on my porch (unplugged, of course) ...what's your point? Hmmm??

bellevelma said...

1. People chatting on cell phones while driving. The same ones who never notice the light has turned green and they can GO ALREADY.

2. The gas station near me that asks me, every. single. time. I fill up the tak, even in the freezing cold winter if I want a car wash.

3. My dog who pees on the floor.

auntie barbie said...

FYI. I did swear at the machine profusely. This did not work. What did work was me pounding on the zero button of my phone about 20 times.

Happy in the Abyss said...

Now, you know I would rather walk on my own lips than talk badly about somebody...

PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SIT STILL! My husband is figgity...not sure that is how to spell that. He is always shaking his leg, bobbing his head or something. Come on, babe. Love can only take us so far! STOP!

SPELLING ERRORS! Which is hillarious since I mispelled a word in my earlier response. I am the one they send things to for proofing here at work. Our Christmas card, without my help, was a disaster.

PEOPLE WHO PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING THEY AREN'T. Two words....older sister! Enough said, right Jules???

LOVE YOU

The Rotten Correspondent said...

bellevelma- thanks for stopping by. Cell phoners drive me nuts too.

auntie barbie - damn it! I was looking forward to trying that.

HITA - I was getting all ticked off until I realized that you weren't talking about me. Whew!
(and did you notice that you mis-spelled hilarious?) :)

Jo Beaufoix said...

Sorry I'm late. Early night last night due to knackeredness.

Three Pet Peeves...

1. People slurping when they drink.
I know sometimes we all do the odd one by mistake, but I hate being somewhere with grown ups where there is someone slurping away to their hearts content oblivious to the grossness of their drinking habit
There's jusy no need. Stop iy Stop it now.


2. Dog poo.
I agree with Laurie.
I have had dogs. I always picked up after them, so why can't other people do the same?

I especially hate it if it's outside my house. It feels like a personal affront (maybe it is) and I get so mad.

What's even worse is having to clean it off shoes. Eughhhw.

3. People who don't say thank you.
If I've held a door, waited so you can get past in your car, picked up the purse you dropped, given up my seat for you, I'd like a thank you, or atleast a smile, some kind of acknowledgement. Otherwise you're just being rude.

oooo rant over.
That felt good.