Three of my worst Pet Peeves
We all have them - the things that drive us totally up the wall. They can be innocent or petty or even unrecognizable to others, but they're still there. The term Pet Peeves is obviously open to interpretation, but I generally think of them as things that really aren't earth-shattering or a matter of life or death. They're just annoying as hell. And, like nails on a chalkboard, they can send your blood pressure sky high. And with some things it seems there's a lower threshold than others. It's all about the thresholds.
Let's go then.
#1. Bad Grammar. I admit it. I am the grammar police. I can't stand it when people say "ain't" when they should be saying "am not" or "isn't". My skin crawls when people say "don't" when they really mean "doesn't". Double negatives drive me batty and a lot of the popular culture speak leaves me scratching my head wondering what in the world they just said. And while I'm pretty sure I don't really want to know, it still bugs me.
My poor children have had this drilled into their heads since they were in utero. I don't care if they haven't showered today, I can live if their friends eat all my food, I am even okay with less than fabulous grades - but don't say ain't to your mother. The grief is not worth it.
And just to keep me from being fanatical on this issue - I present my Alabama grandmother, at whose feet I worshipped. She could make double negatives cry and had her own grammatical shorthand that sounded fine coming from her, but could have run into trouble in the general population. One cold day she said to me "Doll, you ain't not got no slippers?" and I was stone cold flummoxed. I got the gist. Something about cold feet and warm slippers. But twenty years later I'm still not completely sure what she said.
And I couldn't care less.
#2. Spitters. Of all the disgusting, vile, revolting habits in the world, this one tops my list. It's not just that spit is the one thing guaranteed to make me gag either. It's the absolute disregard for the poor schmo who has to watch it or step in it or listen to that noise when you hawk it all up. Ugh. The back of my throat is twitching just thinking about it.
And I don't have body function issues either. I have three boys, remember? I haven't sat on a dry toilet seat in fourteen years. In my house people say "Pull my finger" like we're asking what we're having for dessert. I've lost more perennials to boys having peeing contests in the yard than I'd like to admit. My poor hostas never had a chance. And, thanks to a fifteen year old boy who shall remain nameless, (jack) Surfer Dude can now belch the entire alphabet at surround sound volume. I can objectively say that I'm a pretty tough gross out.
But spitting does it. It's just unnecessary.Use a tissue for the love of god. And did I mention it's disgusting, vile and revolting? Just making sure.
#3. One Upsmanship. This is a tough call because I also don't care for overall rudeness, but in its own little passive aggressive way this is plenty rude too. I can't stand it when people feel a constant need to one up you. I don't care how much more money you make or how many people you beat out for that job or why the boss likes you the best. If my kid has the flu theirs has pneumonia. If I lose two pounds they lose four. If my husband gets a promotion their husband buys the company. Come on. Could you just relax a little? Doesn't it get a little tiring to always attempt to come out on top of every situation? Can't you just be the bug today instead of the windshield?
I have given myself a gift as I've gotten older and I've weeded this type out of my life as much as possible. They can just suck the joy right out of you. I had a dear "friend" who never let me forget it when I took almost ten years off of work to stay at home with my kids. In that period of time I lost count of how many of her sentences started with, "Well, of course I'd like to (fill in the blank) but I can't because I work". And it wasn't said in a "boy, do I envy you" tone either. It was flat out bitchy. To some degree these are the people you have to deal with in work, family and social situations, so it doesn't hurt to be able to blandly turn the other cheek and not rise to the bait. But the blander I look the more I internally boil. One day I'm going to blow like Mt. St. Helen's and let them have it. I may even spit.
See if they can top that.
Allright, now it's your turn. I want pet peeves, no matter how small or petty. Surely I'm not the only person who feels this way? Say it ain't so.