Friday, May 29, 2009

the master plan


Like almost everyone else these days, my hospital is in the throes of cutting all kinds of "extra" costs. Our department, like all the others, has a census to meet, and if we don't see the number of patients we're budgeted to, then bad things may start happening - like not filling positions when staff leave and other things too awful to contemplate. It's a balancing act. How many people can you see on a daily basis and still have staff standing at the end of the shift?


It was a little slow at first today, which was a good thing for us but a bad thing for the census. My boss, whom I'm repeatedly on record as adoring, walked through the unit to take a peek. Not good. We needed people. Lots and lots of people. People crawling out of the woodwork. The sicker and needier the better. We needed to be overwhelmed, running for daylight, praying for our own deaths. And there was only one way to do it.


My boss approached the charge nurse and said the magic words.


"You need to put RC in triage."


Presto. The census was not only met...it was exceeded.


Such is the power of a shit magnet.

14 comments:

sharon said...

Well as long as you don't have to be the magnet too often - unless you get bonus points for staff absences due to stress related exhaustion ;-)

Southern Drawl said...

Oh, RC, that is so sad...but every unit has them! :)

my two cents said...

At least you know your job is safe!

Devon said...

Wow, I'm really getting to know you. Three sentences into this post I knew you needed to be in triage to save the day!

Cheer up RC, a shit magnet like you will always be assured of gainful emplyoment!!!

Maggie May said...

Oh dear. That is not good.
It is the same everywhere today. We have to be working flat out and rushed off our feet or we are not really worth the money! That's what it boils down to now. Money!

Frances said...

Hmm. notoriety. So you're a kind of business attraction. LOL

Having once been called 'the walking disaster area' because of the places I had lived till that time, I understand that feeling.

The Gossamer Woman said...

It's a shame that these are the kind of circumstances you find yourself under, but at least they need you. That's good, right?

Katy said...

How nice of you to help out!

Tians.sis said...

I'm so sorry you inherited my magnetism.

Marti said...

Now, that made me laugh, RC. Shit magnet...I will have to remember that. Glad you were able to help out your department! :)

Rudee said...

I just hope everyone you triaged had insurance.

Cheryl said...

That just sucks! I hope it doesn't keep happening!
At least it is never dull, or I would think not.
XXXXX

Akelamalu said...

You're such an asset you should be getting paid a whole lot more! ;)

lv4921391 said...

...it reminds me of a picture of a woman (zoo worker) collecting the droppings of an elephant, she was holding the bag...caption read...and i have a college degree for this ?...like others have said it's a job...