Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Crisis Intervention

Am I the only person who sees the humor in the name of the class I'm attending today? It's called Crisis Intervention in the Workplace, and it's designed to teach ER workers how to de-escalate potentially violent situations before they get bad. Or really bad. I'm sure it's a very useful class, but come on. I have boys. Three of them. I de-escalate on an hourly basis. For this I need a class?

I'll admit that our clientele can be a little, uh, colorful, but for the most part they've got nothing on my kids. Here are things I've never heard a patient say:

Nurse! I want to watch something else on this waiting room TV and this guy won't let me. He knows I don't like SpongeBob!

Nurse! He got three shots and I only got one! That's not fair!

Nurse! He's been on the cardiac monitor for fifteen minutes and I haven't had a turn yet. Why does he always get his way?

Nurse! Ha! You think that's bleeding? I can bleed worse than that. Here, let me show you!

You see what I mean? And at home all the negotiating and de-escalating happens unmedicated. The whole better living through pharmaceuticals theory doesn't extend to the family hearth. (The hearth where, coincidentally, two brothers are pummeling each other, kicking and screaming over the Game Cube). If this happened at work there would most likely be a loaded syringe on the second level. Or at the very least a blue uniform.

Should be an interesting class...

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