Wednesday, May 9, 2007

It's only May!

Everyone in my house seems to already be in summer mode and it's killing me. I'm not kidding. I've been up for an hour and forty five minutes and I honestly believe I've been screaming the entire time. At least my raw throat thinks so. There are two weeks of school left and nobody seems to care about doing anything they need to do to get through them properly. All three of the kids are like little zombies, counting down the days. I'm about to blow sky high.

For starters, Sasquatach is pathologically incapable of getting to school on time. Here is a typical routine for the boy. My alarm goes off at 7 and I go into his room to give him a first call, so to speak. I fully understand the need to smack the snooze alarm a few times, so I give him the same consideration. He can't get himself up to his own alarm because he sleeps straight through it. We will be in our bed, one room over, wide awake and listening to his alarm going off for twenty straight minutes and he'll still be sound asleep. He's my father all over again. Once, when I was very small, I took a stick of butter out of the fridge and smeared it on my dad when he was asleep. I can't begin to tell you what posessed me, but the bottom line is that the man slept right through it. This is what I'm talking about.

When the kid finally gets up (at 7:36) it takes him twenty minutes in the shower and fifteen to dress, which adds up to it being 8:11 as I'm continuing to scream up the stairs for him to move his butt. The final bell is at 8:08. He could care less about detention because all the do is stick you in a room with a book. This is punishment? Then on the way to school he picks a fight because he wants me to write a note excusing his tardy. My comment basically boiled down to Excuse THIS, buddy. Note that I'm driving him, for starters. From the corner of our front yard you can see the junior high and I'm driving him??

The other two have it more together in the morning time wise. Their specialty is the early morning rumble. They fight over the most absurd things as a little morning pick me up. Adults have caffeine, they have brother brawls. For full impact you need the sound effects too. Surfer Dude bounces a soccer ball on the hardwood floor for the entire argument`just because it irritates everyone. Gumby smacks his breakfast as loud as he can while he debates his brother, simply because it's gross. By the time we leave they're in full out battle mode over something so stupid I don't even remember what it was and it was only thirty minutes ago. We head out to the car and have to make a minor pitstop at the wooden gate, which is stuck. It is so swollen from all the rain that the bottom is sticking. Getting through this gate looks like the DEA making a drug bust because you have to kick the bottom of it as hard as you can while somehow managing not to fall over.

Once we get in the car, I go into lecture mode, which makes them both so mad they get out of the car without a word. I'm pulling away as Surfer Dude comes running frantically back. Today he is student of the day and he's forgotten all of his stuff to put in the display case. The kids get to bring all their treasures from home and show them off to the other students. Not only has he forgotten his stuff, he's forgotten to even put it together. And the two Parents Of The Year have forgotten it too. I race back home (coming in the front door this time and avoiding the gate) and the Film Geek and I go into hyperdrive to collect anything we think he might consider a treasure. My husband hops back in the car and zips back to school to set up the display case. He gets back home and we both plop our already weary selves down.

Come to think of it, summer is looking pretty good.


my two cents said...

Wow, only two weeks left!! School isn't out here until June 21st. I can't even entertain thoughts of it yet, although others in my house don't feel the same way...I guess summer really is coming, as if the 97 degree temperatures weren't enough of a clue.

Happy in the Abyss said...

So, butter! Hmmm...I always knew you had an evil streak!

What treasures did you and your other, my brother, find???

Do tell!!!!