Greener Pastures

Well, it's mid-afternoon on a fine day in May and I am officially the parent of an incoming high-schooler. Excuse me while I sit down and put my head between my knees. How did we celebrate this milestone? He came home with a bunch of his friends, picked up his video gaming equipment and hit the road for greener gaming pastures. Any minute now the phone will ring and he'll be asking me if he can have a sleepover to celebrate the last day of junior high. His friends will be laughing and shouting in the background, giddy with anticipation.

And what will I say? It will be something along the lines of That sounds like fun for you guys. Go ahead and spend the night with your friends. I totally understand. Have a great time and call me later if you get a chance. I love you.

Here's what I want to say. Please come home so we can celebrate with you. Please give me this moment while it's fresh and still exciting for you. Please let me be a part of it. Please let me believe for just one more night that you have any desire whatsoever to be around your family, in spite of all my instincts that tell me you don't. I know this is what you're supposed to do, but I don't understand. When did I become a pit stop on the way to better times and endless sleepovers? Why do I feel so left out? I love you.

Or, in a nutshell, When did I stop being the mom you needed and start being the mom you just needed to take you where you wanted to be?