Saturday, July 14, 2007

do not START with me

This is the standard pain scale we use...




Note that it stops at 10.





If you tell us your pain is higher than 10, we automatically think that you're...






FOS - full of shit. This could be literal (you don't want to know) or figurative. You could, for example, be trying to con the nice nurse out of narcotics by exaggerating your pain. Do not think for a second that your nurse does not have direct input into the type and amount of painkiller you get. Critical Care nurses have enough of the doc's respect that they ask what we think. Do not think for a second that we don't tell them. Your med will reflect this. Every. Single. Time. So don't try and convince me you're not a drug seeker when I have a computer screen right in front of me that tells me you are. Tylenol for you, buddy. And yeah, I'd be happy to take this outside. I've been here for eleven long hours and would love to blow a little steam off somehow. Another possiblilty is that you could be suffering from...


Status Dramaticus - especially prevalent when hovering family members are present. Known by many names, the majority unprintable on this family friendly blog. This is the patient who screams and wails when we are in the room and then sends a relative out for fast food as soon as we leave. Rule #1. If you are well enough to eat you need to get out of that bed. I need it for someone sick. Rule #2. If you rate your pain at a 10 I'd better see a butcher knife sticking out of your head. On both sides. Or you might need to be in...




The Scrotum - these are our two attached mental health rooms. So called because the nurse is at the desk in between two nuts. I don't make these things up, folks, I just report them. I'll take a nut job any day of the week over a hungry drama queen with a backache. I have a huge amount of empathy for the nut jobs and none at all for the drama queens. You could also check out...


The ER nurse mission statement.




Can you tell I've been working too much lately??

6 comments:

Iota said...

A nurse asked a friend of mine who she was admitting for appendicitis whether she had children. She then added a point to the figure my friend gave. Women who've been through childbirth have a different scale and never give themselves 10, she said. (She also mentioned that men give themselves 10 a whole lot more often than women.)

Jo Beaufoix said...

RC, never mind your curly hair, flat feet and BS-ometer,(I could never do your job, you're all amazing), come over to my place for your award, and I've also tagged you today, though if you've not got time I understand.

Jen said...

Good grief, RC, sounds like it's been a mite rough the last couple of days. You have my respect for doing a job I know I couldn't do.

I have a blogging friend who's a cancer survivor and suffers from fibromyalgia. She also has a morphine pump to help with her pain. Unfortunately sometimes she gets lumped in with the drug seekers when she needs help. It sucks there's addicts out there who are making it tough on people who need help.

Sheesh, woman, you're a saint.

Iota said...

You're not only a saint, but also a Rockin' Blogger. Come on over to Not wrong, just different to collect your award.

pursegirl said...

The camp director here has a very philosophical way of dealing with the "I don't want to go on program b/c hiking is hard" campers. He says there is a difference in "sick" and "uncomfortable". If you are sick, go see the nurse. If you are uncomfortable, suck it up and go hike.
I appreciate this philosophy very much. Perhaps you can borrow it. I will admit that once I went to the ER with tooth pain that I thought woudl kill me. When asked about the level of pain, I told the nurse I wished I was in hard labor instead of this. I'm not sure how much she snickered when she left the room, but I did get a pretty good dose of something. Tooth pain, in my opinion, as well as migraines, deserve all and any drugs available. Unless, of course, your tooth pain is due to some activity involving the phrase, "Hold my beer and watch this!".

pursegirl said...

The camp director here has a very philosophical way of dealing with the "I don't want to go on program b/c hiking is hard" campers. He says there is a difference in "sick" and "uncomfortable". If you are sick, go see the nurse. If you are uncomfortable, suck it up and go hike.
I appreciate this philosophy very much. Perhaps you can borrow it. I will admit that once I went to the ER with tooth pain that I thought woudl kill me. When asked about the level of pain, I told the nurse I wished I was in hard labor instead of this. I'm not sure how much she snickered when she left the room, but I did get a pretty good dose of something. Tooth pain, in my opinion, as well as migraines, deserve all and any drugs available. Unless, of course, your tooth pain is due to some activity involving the phrase, "Hold my beer and watch this!".