Monday, September 3, 2007

dragon breath blues


























I stumbled downstairs in the dark Sunday morning to get ready for work. I am not a morning person. Not even close. A T-shirt I saw once said


To say I'm not a morning person doesn't even begin to cover it.



And that about covers it.

Anyway, I got into the bathroom to brush my teeth, but couldn't find my toothbrush anywhere. I looked all over the place, with no luck. It had been there the night before and had now vanished into thin air. I was running a little late and stood at the sink weighing my options. Realizing that I didn't have any, I said eenie meenie minie moe and grabbed a kid's toothbrush. It didn't really matter which kids' it was, since I didn't want any of them in my mouth. I think I've said before that I have spit issues and this grossed me out more than I can tell you. But it was that or go to work with swamp breath, so I bit the bullet and brushed.


When I went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee (to cancel out my newly fresh, if slightly grossed out breath) I noticed a whole pile of model parts drying on a towel on the counter. My Film Geek, Model Building Geek husband had obviously been working on his beloved hobby last night after everyone else went to sleep. (I have to mention that he also filled the house with fresh flowers yesterday while I was at work. Just to be nice. This is the only reason he's still alive). He had meticulously done whatever it is he does with tiny little pieces of plastic for hours on end - painting them and polishing them and...


...washing them? My toothbrush was in the sink. With model goop on it. Next to model geek debris. My toothbrush. Not his, which was safely in the upstairs bathroom. He came downstairs and I said...


"Why? Why did you use my toothbrush to clean your models?"


and he said...


"Oh. Was that your toothbrush? I thought it was a junky old one."


and I said...


"If it were a junky old one, do you think it would be in the TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER in the bathroom?"


and he said...


(wait for it...)


"Well, I didn't think it was yours. You weren't using it."


and I said...


"I WAS ASLEEP!!"


and he said...


"Oh. Well, you could still use it, you know. I was just cleaning dirt off the models. It wasn't anything bad."


and I said...


never mind what I said.

22 comments:

ciara said...

no one said that husbands were the brightest crayons in the box, now did they? lol it's funny how men are impervious to things..but hey, as long as it has NOTHING to do w them or NOT their things. trust me, i have some doozie husband stories, too...but there's some reason we keep em around lol

la bellina mammina said...

LOL! your last sentence had me laughing - we've all been in that situation haven't we?

Dumdad said...

I'm definitely a night owl, and therefore not a morning person.
A person's toothbrush should be sacrosanct. Period.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I have a fetish about toothbrushes too. Can't let anyone watch me clean my teeth and my daughter's just the same. But as for using your brush to clean models, well, he at least owes you a new toothbrush, made of gold, encrusted with diamonds.

Crystal xx

Jen said...

HAHAHAHA! Oh, that's awesome. Not the fact that he actually used your toothbrush, but just the fact that he seemed so clueless about it.

He owes you more than a new toothbrush, honey. Of course, you could just borrow his toothbrush to clean some grout or something. I don't even like touching other peoples' toothbrushes. I even get weirded out helping my child brush her teeth.

code word: hrqwj hork wedge? Must be a euphemism for toothbrush.

Sweet Irene said...

I think you let him off easy, no matter what you said, the bum. Of course he knew it was somebody's toothbrush that they were still using. He was just being very selfish. He needs to be grounded for a month!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Oh, how disgustingly gross!!! I think I would have thrown every flower at him and then used his toothbrush to clean out the toilet (and not told him). In fact you can still do that.

Akelamalu said...

Of course you'll be using his to clean the toilet now!

Flowerpot said...

how typically MALE! Butyes, cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush is a brilliant idea!

laurie said...

aw cmon tell us what you said.

this posting made me roar with laughter. i could see it coming...coming...like the train light in the tunnel....

ps this sounds like i'm really pristine, which i most definitely am not, but i keep a toothbrush at work, for similiar emergencies. (wel, maybe not similar. yours is definitely unique.)

not that you'd ever have time to brush your teeth while you're working in th ER

auntie barbie said...

LOL, I can so relate. My husband is always using something he shouldn't. His excuse is because its the first thing he could grab. I also loved the spit issue. I wouldn't let my kids drink out of my glass until they were grown-up. If they did I would throw the drink out. Back-wash and spit - yuck!

Amy said...

Aaack! That was just rude of him. I'm laughing and having a little gross-out fit.

I forgot my toothbrush once when I visited my sister. I went through the similar eeny-meeny in the morning before I could dash over to Target and get a new one. There were six brushes for only five mouths. Curious. So I picked the cleanest one and did my thing, hoping for the best.

When I told my sister I'd "borrowed" someone's toothbrush, she said, "I hope you didn't use the red one--that's the toilet brush."

I lied through my shining teeth when I said I hadn't used the red one. Eew.

The Rotten Correspondent said...

ciara - my husband is the prototype of the absent minded professor. bless his heart!

bella - I bet if we all swapped stories it would be pretty funny!

dumdad - I am with you. Keep your mitts off my toothbrush. Period.

crystal jigsaw - I too have a toothbrush fetish. I don't know why, but I do. And there better be a new toothbrush forthcoming.

jen - he's going out of town for two weeks Tuesday. He'd better take all of his toothbrushes with him.

sweet irene - since he's so good washing things he may end up on dishes and laundry duty!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee - well, they were really pretty flowers. no sense taking it out on them, you know. but he is in the doghouse. and knows it.

akelamalu - or worse. I could let the kids use it!

flowerpot- if he's wise he'll hide his toothbrush from me forever.

laurie - I actually do keep a toothbrush at work and even use it every now and then. And I don't consider myself fastidious either. I just like knowing it's there.

auntie barbie - eewwww...backwash. My stomach is churning at the thought. My worst baby phase was the drooling. Ewwww....

amy - and did you just want to ask why in the world the red toothbrush was kept with the others?? Ick!

Mya said...

Priceless!

You could always let the dogs use his toothbrush too.

Mya x

Kaycie said...

Still laughing! My husband would die before he would use my toothbrush on his teeth, let alone clean anything with it. He doesn't even want to use my sink. Talk about spit issues!

Diana said...

No. No one could possibly do that. The only thing in his favor is that he didn't get rid of the evidence, he just left it out for you to find.

I'm beyond flabbergasted.

Willowtree said...

Kill him.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

HEH HEH. There's something to be said for being a single mom and not having a husband using my stuff for things they arent meant to be used for. Heh. But then, that was kind of cute.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Eeeewww

I too have spit issues.

Oooo you've inspired me to write tonight's post.
I was struggling.

Hooray RC.

I love you.

CamiKaos said...

Your husband is SO lucky to be alive.

You aren't using it.

That would have caused me to say a thing or two about what he wasn't currently using...

thank you for sharing the morning hilarity.

Dee said...

This is hilarious!
And so typically male.

LiteralDan said...

I don't have spit issues, but let me just say, eww