Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I hear you talking...


Not the Film Geek...

RC: What do you want for dinner?
FG: What do we have?
RC: I have a pound of hamburger and it needs to be used. You can have burgers or tacos or meatloaf or spaghetti and meatballs. Your choice, I just have to use the hamburger.
FG: Chicken would be good.

Not Sasquatch...

SQ: Can I stay home from school the day Halo 3 comes out?
RC: No.
SQ: Please? A bunch of my friends might be.
RC: No.
SQ: I don't see why I can't. This is stupid. What's the problem with missing one day of school?
RC: No.
Irate phone call from my friend Stacey, mother of one of SQ's friends: Jules, what's this I hear about you letting Sasquatch stay home from school the day Halo 3 comes out?

Not Gumby...

RC: WHY is there a half eaten plate of food on your bookshelf?
Gumby: Uh....
RC: Have we not talked about that you aren't allowed to eat upstairs?
Gumby: Uh...
RC: How many times do I have to say it? No. Eating. Food. Upstairs.
Gumby: Well, it wasn't really food for us. We weren't eating it.We were just trying to see how many bugs we could catch.

Not Surfer Dude...

RC (watching him practice his "knife skills" on a basket of strawberries): Please don't use that entire basket of strawberries.
SD: Okay.
RC: And please don't load the whole bowl of strawberries up with the powdered sugar.
SD: Okay.
RC (on being presented with the whole basket of cut strawberries completely covered in sugar): Did I tell you not to do this?
SD (holding up a lone mushy uncut strawberry): I didn't use the whole basket, and besides that's brown sugar, not powdered.

Not the dogs...

RC (ready to go to sleep, walks in to find three dogs sprawled on bed)

RC: You all need to move.
Dogs: snore
RC: You all need to move now.
Dogs: snore louder. feign deafness.
Dogs (wounded, disbelieving, lazy): get up and move about three inches each before flopping back down again, exhausted from the effort.
RC (slides into six inch space between a dog butt and the edge of the bed, but still can't get the covers away from them): Damn.

And people wonder why I blog.


ciara said...

oh my gosh, r.c. how i can relate. i tell steve things all the time like..the dishes in the dishwasher are clean then i get asked like 2 or 3 times if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean. there's other little tidbits like that. then there's my stepson who's told many times to not eat food in his room...he's had an ant prob a cpl of times. he even sneaks snacks and i keep taking snack time away..but it doesn't matter. then there's the girls who i tell to clean their room...they sit and sit. there are prob many more examples, but why bother lol all i can say is i feel your frustration!

willowtree said...

The last one I'm totally familiar with.

Mya said...

What was that? Do you mind repeating it - I was just reading the back of my cereal packet.

Mya x (ducking quickly!)

Flowerpot said...

oh yes i know it well - though my dog is always up and raring to go!

Mid-lifer said...

Needless to say, I have the same problem, but have to confess I also suffer from 'not listening properly' myself.

How often have I asked someone a question and NOT listened to the answer? Even when I want to know the answer? It's the weirdest thing - i really don't know what happens to my brain, but it goes somewhere else (hmmm...doughnuts!) - it flits even when I want it to stay focused.

sigh - now what was I meant to be doing?

Jen said...

Ah, RC we'll listen to you. Well, maybe Mya won't, but I will.

But then, I don't have to decided what you're having for dinner, I don't care about Halo 3, I don't have an upstairs in your house, and I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna be flopped out on your bed.

So talk away, dear, say anything you want. I'll listen. *grin*

code: tsrptzau sounds like a rather exotic kind of chai.

auntie barbie said...

As a medical professional you should know that your family suffers from the dreaded selective hearing disease. Its harmless to the patient, but debilitating to significant others, parents, teachers, etc. Unfortunately there is no cure, except some type of therapy, & not for the patient. There is no proof, but I believe its genetic.

laurie said...

numbers one and five (or whatever number the dogs was): TOTALLY MY LIFE.

Amy said...

Well put.

K: Can I have some milk?

Me: That's your milk right there.

K: Oh, duh. (She doesn't even reach for it. Several minutes pass. She looks at her glass.) Is this my milk?

Jo Beaufoix said...

RC I'm hearing you sweetie.

Both Miss M and Miss E have selective hearing.

Generally this happens at bed time, tidy up time, and if I want E to help lay the table.

It's the worst.

And as for the gerbil...

itucxe - it you sexy??

la bellina mammina said...

FG sounds like GAP when I ask him what he would like for dinner. Are men programmed to have the same answers??!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

ciara - I don't get it. I really don't. How hard is it to just listen????

willowtree - I had a feeling you would be.

mya - you'd have to duck pretty quickly. remember I have "three boy reflexes"

flowerpot - yes, but Bussie rules the roost.

mid-lifer - welcome! I'm having the same issues myself in that I don't always track as well as I used to. But I still track better than anyone else in my house.

jen- I think we all see how mya is. It's too bad you don't care about Halo 3 since a bunch of us were going to get it for you as a pre-baby gift. Drat. Back to the drawing board.

auntie barbie - that is exactly what it is and it is genetic - it all comes from my husband. Darn chromosome.

laurie - oh, do you have absent minded husband stories, too? I kind of figured you were on board with #5.

amy - oh my god. fifty times a day. how do they survive??

jo - my kids will hear me if I'm whispering a secret four rooms away, but if I stand a foot away and ask them to pick up their stuff...no response. Aargh.

bella - and if they are programmed that way how do we REprogram them?? Now that's a program I want.

Akelamalu said...

I often used to scream "Is there anybody there, can anyone hear me?" they didn't. :(

Gemini Girl said...

Kids can be so funny. Cant wait to hear what comes out of my little girls' mouths

Kaycie said...

My middle one is the one that never hears me. Just last night:

Me: Please empty the dishwasher, put up the leftovers and clean the kitchen.

I see: Empty dishwasher, spoiled leftovers, and dirty kitchen.

Me: I told you to clean the kitchen.

Son #1: No you didn't

Me: Yes I did.

Son #1: No you didn't.

Me: Head explodes.

Diana said...

Actually, I don't wonder why you blog, I wonder why you are neither in prison for multiple murder nor in a persistant vegetative state from the large, burst aneurysm in your brain.

You have the constitution and the patience of a saint.

Iota said...

So how many more years have I got of "don't leave your shoes and socks in the middle of the sitting room floor please?" I've been doing it daily for about 8 years, and I was kind of hoping another 2 or 3 would do it. But the oldest is only 10...

Why don't you get one of those police loud-hailers?

PixelPi said...

I knew the honeymoon was officially over when Mr. Pi developed the Bobblehead Husband method of paying attention to me. He has this intermittent nod and occasional "uh huh" and he thinks I don't notice. I just love to get eye contact and ask him, "What did I just ask you?" and watch the sheepish blush from the collar up. He still squirms after 20 years.

About the dogs. Well, all I can say is we have cats. And they don't listen to anything but the can opener.

Swearing Mother said...

At least we're listening to you R.C. and very enjoyable it is too!

my two cents said...

The hamburger story is one of my favorites!!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I cant stop laughing at the hamburger one...my kids do the same thing, yet it is more like "You can have strawberries, yogurt or cheese for snack" and they're like "can we have CHIP!!!!????" and I'm like "noooo" and then repeat myself and they're like "can we have FRUIT SNACKS!!!?" and that's when I walk out of the room and leave them starving. (okay, not really, thats the part where I tear my hair out)

laurie said...

well, i can't really blame doug for tuning me out. he's norwegian. and i talk a lot. i mean, a LOT.