Tuesday, February 10, 2009

pencils down, papers to the front

It's Pop Quiz Time at RC Confesses. The time has come to prove just how well everyone pays attention when I babble on and on about work.


Pick the best option for all of the questions below.

#1. You've somehow managed to fall off the roof of a building, landing on your shoulder and head. You immediately

a. call 911
b. thank god you're still alive
c. go have a beer until the bleeding stops

#2. While sitting at the bar, you notice that one of your ears appears to be in about sixteen pieces. You immediately

a. order another beer
b. call all your friends over and say "Hey! Ain't this cool?"
c. wrap a bar towel around your neck so the blood doesn't stain your new Nascar T-shirt

#3. When your girlfriend squeals at the sight of said ear, you decide it's time to do something about it. You immediately

a. ponder your options over another beer
b. mosey on into your friendly ER
c. go to the Dollar General and buy some Super Glue

#4. Two tubes of $1 Super Glue in hand, you enlist several friends to help hold the pieces in place while you reattach them. You immediately

a. realize this is futile and seek prompt medical attention
b. decide the girl just isn't worth it
c. apply the Super Glue liberally, and then, just to be safe, put bandaids on top of it to make sure it holds

#5. Temporarily stymied when you inadvertently glue one of your fingers to your ear, you immediately

a. ponder your options over another beer
b. fumble one-handed for your keys to drive to the hospital
c. ask around to see if Jerry Springer is recruiting participants for his show

#6. On arrival to the ER, you immediately

a. really wish you had another beer
b. ask yourself What the hell was I thinking?
c. try to play it off as a stupid Frat Boy prank gone bad, even though you are clearly not a Frat Boy. Stupid is another story.

#7. When the kind doctor and the nice nurse try to help you, you immediately

a. tell them they can't come near you unless they give you certain narcotic medications first. Provide acceptable list.
b. look them in the eye and tell them you haven't had a beer in a year
c. remember that you're violently allergic to Super Glue

Pencils down. Papers to the front.

The grading starts now.


Devon said...

kWow! I always thought the midwest was a little more sane than California. It isn't the first time I was proved dead wrong!

ped crossing said...

You couldn't make this stuff up. So did you give him the narcs or what?

the rotten correspondent said...

Devon - as a Californian living in the midwest...it's no saner here. Trust me.

ped crossing - well, of course we did. Remember? KIND doctor and NICE nurse...

Maggie May said...

Its like watching a movie or something. So incredible.

lv4921391 said...

He must want in the TV business. What was that show ? Jacka**?

WT said...

Just a minor point, given that he survived, he's not eligible for a Darwin Award.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

The ER provides you with enough stories to one day write the Great American Novel. I hope you write it in my lifetime. I am getting up there.

the rotten correspondent said...

Maggie - I know. It's like slasher horror. With a little bit of Dumb and Dumber thrown in.

lv4921391 - yep. That's the show all right. And this was their guy. Oh, boy, was this their guy.

WT - I know. But I loved the graphic.

Irene - No one would believe it. They'd say I have an overactive imagination. (Which I don't).

Rudee said...

All answers are c-except 7 which is a. Now hopefully, you can have a beer and ponder the why of it all.

Kaytabug said...

I was going to say that #7's answer was D all of the above....I see you said A but I still wonder if it wasn't D! Also D for Dee-da-dee!

If you did write a book about all the stories from the ER they might make you call it a fiction, instead of the non-fiction it truly is. Crazy!!!

aims said...

See - see what Kaytabug says? Well?

Great idea RC.

And no - knew in a flash you couldn't make it up. You live in quite the place! (there's no place like home - there's no place like home) :0)

Daryl said...

Its a full moon. That's all that needs to be added to this list.

Katy said...

Classic. Just classic.

Pamela said...

you NEED to write a book

my two cents said...

That was very funny! Super glue? Huh, I never thought of that.

distracted by shiny objects said...

Two words...Job. Security.