Saturday, May 31, 2008

also on my list...


One of our ER docs is a woman who is relatively new to our hospital. She is, in a word, a dream. Never gets flustered, always respectful of those around her, thorough, conscientious, smart...the list goes on. She's a born teacher, sharing her thought processes out loud with us so that every time I have one of her patients I learn something I didn't know before. A native of our neighboring "rival" state of Missouri, she wears her home colors proudly and was even known, once or twice, to roll her eyes during our recent sports successes- just a little. Not being a native Kansan, this is a rivalry I tend to stay out of (don't get me started on USC/UCLA or Michigan/Ohio State, though), but I had to respect the way she held her ground - in spite of considerable provocation. She looks like a cream puff. My gut tells me this is a facade.


Her husband is also a doctor. They've been married a while, with three kids and probably ten or twelve years under their belts. I don't know a lot about him, but on the surface he appears to be yin to her yang. He seems like a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but he's intense, doesn't talk a lot more than he needs to, looks to be more an action oriented type. (He is a surgeon, so this is no big surprise). He's only on our unit to consult or take patients to the OR, so when we see him it tends to be higher pressure situations where time is a real factor. They share the same focus. They are both amazingly good with the people they are caring for. They just go about it in very different ways.


I remember perfectly the first time I saw them together. She was racing around taking care of her patients. He was running to consult on a possible surgical candidate. And as their paths collided right in front of the unit secretary's desk, they stopped. I could feel the connection from across the room. He touched her on the arm, she looked him in the eye. They had a fast, private conversation that no one overheard, but when they quickly continued on with their tasks, both were smiling. They had touched base. Connection was made.


I've watched them do this several times, watched with a longing that gets stronger each time I see it. This is not a first stirrings of infatuation situation, it's a real, live adult relationship. And I want that. I want to have that feeling of connectedness, want to have that feeling of wanting to see my other half during the day. I want those stolen moments of perfect propriety that let you see afresh this person you share a life with. Because I don't know when the last time I had that was, or (frighteningly) if I've ever really had it at all. It seems like such a waste to go through life and never experience that feeling.


I want it with all my heart. Could we just change the surgeon part?

21 comments:

Wisewebwoman said...

Oh, I'm with you, RC. I've witnessed that once or twice and had it myself once. I know exactly whereof you speak.....and the longing can bring tears to the eyes.
XO
WWW

Rudee said...

And it's wonderful when it does happen. It will if you allow it-just keep your heart and mind open. If it's a surgeon, so what? It obviously works for her.

Be open to the proverb: "when one door closes, another one opens."

WT said...

You're kidding right? He touches his wife in public? What a moron.

Oh, and Rudee, I believe the proverb is "when one door closes, watch out it doesn't smack you on the ass."

the planet of janet said...

hang in there, kiddo. and don't listen to that known curmudgeon, wt.

hugs

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

You and me both RC, you and me both.

Maggie May said...

The grass always looks greener on the other side! Nothing is THAT perfect!
Am I cynical? Well maybe! I s'pect he leaves his underpants all over the place, just like any other man!

Carolyn said...

Sigh. I understand this post. I suppose I've had this, but it's faded. I wonder how you rekindle it after it's gone?

Anyway... I understand your longing for such a meaningful connection. I think the way you get it is to not settle. Don't get so anxious for something that you settle for anything. You deserve exactly what you want, but you may have to be patient to get it. Hope it happens for you.

Rose said...

Yes, I remember that longing; it's a palpable feeling, almost painful when you're on the outside looking in. But keep that desire in your mind so when you do start looking, you'll have a clear idea of what you want/need from your next relationship. It can happen.

Rose said...

P.S. That longing was one of the earliest signs my first marriage was dying/dead. And it took me 5 more years to get out.

Rudee said...

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. I think WT's miffed I picked up on his only flaw in his rant yesterday: he has cankles. Sorry WT. I take it back.

laurie said...

bet they fight like hyenas.

Kaycie said...

Laughing at Laurie.

I've been meaning to tell you this so that WT can make fun of me:

Every end brings a new beginning.

aims said...

One day to go RC.

Now - perhaps after tomorrow you'll find just that. Keep saying you will and you will!

Thinking of you.

Jenn And The City said...

Never settle. Hang in there!

Swearing Mother said...

Don't be fooled. The bastard is probably screwing the secretary.

C'mon RC, we both work in hospitals. We know what the on-call room is really for.

And it ain't for catching up on correspondence, if you know what I mean.

:0)

PixelPi said...

You hang in there....you never know when you'll meet someone who will be just the perfect match. According to Mr. Pi, we first met at a summer party when I came home from Philly & grad school for summer break. I do not remember it at all.

When I moved back home when grad school was done, he was one of the group of friends and acquaintances who helped unload my U-Haul. His feelings were very hurt when I didn't have any idea who he was--but something clicked between us.

I came home alone because my then husband of 7 years had left me...he couldn't "handle" living in a big city. My mother-in-law the attorney did our divorce papers, and I began seeing Mr. Pi seriously after that.

This year will be our 20th anniversary....and even with the ups and downs, fights and love, different interests, we have managed to keep our love afloat.

So you never know when someone will walk into your life, even if you've met them before and don't remember them. Take heart and keep hope.

Stacie said...

I believe you'll find that magic sooner rather than later.

Nora said...

I still have that with my husband and yet I am divorcing him, so don't be deceived by what you see. We have many connecting loving moments like that, but still we must part. Nobody will believe it, because they witness those moments all the time. Yet part we will and there are no magic relationships.

CrazyCath said...

I'm with you on this - and hang in there. Don't settle for anything other than what you are happy with.

It's great to see a couple communicate effectively - but even if they don't (connect) publicly it doesn't mean they don't connect at all. And just because we see people connect publicly (especially in a place of work) doesn't mean they actually DO connect....

pursegirl said...

Couldn't have said it better... I love you. Never say never, by the way.

Sandy said...

I always thought the quote was - when a door closes, a window opens and it's down a very, very, very long dark tortuous hallway inhabited by ghosties and ghoulies and things that go bump in the night.

Make it through the hallway, kiddo and it's all good. OK, maybe it's not all good but it's different anyway.