Saturday, May 3, 2008

turning pro

Oh, you poor misguided people. While I thank you all for your generous spirits (most of you anyway, willowtree) in telling me that my whining isn't as bad as it could be, I had to laugh at those of you who inferred that I'm an amateur. So - because the stars have aligned in both blogville and real world-ville - stick around. I'm turning pro.

Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

I'm so damn tired I can't see straight. I've worked nine out of the last ten days. I have Saturday off and then I go back for two more days. I'm on call virtually every day I'm not already scheduled for the next three weeks and I just found out that there's a music program at school that no one told me about that takes place smack in the middle of a shift I picked up. I'm tired of drug seekers and charting and coming home with my feet throbbing so bad that I can feel my pulse in my toes for hours after work. Does anyone have a primary care doctor anymore? Because I'm sick to death of running like a dog all day to take care of people who have colds or need a prescription refill or think it's cheaper to go to the ER than to pay their clinic co-pay. It's called an EMERGENCY Department. I believe you when you say it hurts, but a hangnail is not an emergency. For every person that comes in I have to do a full body assessment (and chart it) and a full list of all of the medications they take ( and chart them) plus an entire medical and surgical history (and chart it). And if you come in and we tell you not to drink or smoke or keep shooting up or to make sure you take your meds and then you do none of the things we say, do not call me foul names and snap your fingers at me when you ask me for something to "take the edge off". I got your damned edge right here.

I slept so hard last night that I completely missed a severe storm that whipped through in the middle of the night. I didn't even know about it until my mom emailed me at work to make sure we were okay. I mean I knew there was a storm. I woke up in the middle of it.(It's hard to sleep with three quaking dogs on your bed). I just kind of missed the part that a lot of people seem to think was a tornado. The trees in the road driving to work should have tipped me off. Although in hindsight, the eighty mile an hour winds should have also been a clue. How can I take the kids to the Silence of the Lambs basement if I don't even wake up?

I' m tired of coming home and seeing dishes and trash and dirty laundry everywhere. Why am I the only person in the damned house who ever empties the trash cans? And which kid is it who unrolls a bunch of toilet paper every time he sits on the pot, so that when he gets up there is a pile of TP coiled up in front of (certainly not in) the trash can? Have they priced toilet paper lately? Not that it matters, since Trixie loves nothing more than to chew TP, leaving big gloppy clumps of it everywhere. Why do all of my children confuse the bathroom with the library? I wouldn't really care except that when they're done they leave their reading material laying on the floor in front of the toilet and apparently think the magazine or book is clever enough to put itself away. And how old will they be when they flush? Or turn off the light? Or the TV when they leave the room? And why does every TV in the damned house have to be on at all times?

I walked in the door tonight and within fifteen seconds Gumby was hitting me up for a sleepover and SD was wanting to go out running around the neighborhood with a kid who I think has some issues. It didn't take ten minutes before they were fighting and squalling over something stupid that involved a hidden soccer ball and a head lock. Sasquatch is out at a movie but I have no idea how he got there or when he's coming home. I would just call him on the kid's cell phone but it's broken and Verizon won't give me a new phone unless I pay them a hundred and something dollars because I still have a year on my contract and you can't get a cheap phone without a new contract. So I've been giving the kids my cell phone but I couldn't do that today because I was on call and I needed my phone in case I got called in, which of course I did.

It's not like I don't need the money. We found out there are foundation issues in the house, which will set us back thousands. The FG is moving out June 1st and there will certainly be money involved in that. We still have to have the roof looked at, although if these storms keep up it's anyone's guess what will happen to the roof. Maybe a big tree will come through in a part no one is sleeping in and we can just collect the insurance money. We have ants in the downstairs bathroom and I frickin' hate ants. With a passion. We have wasps on the sunporch and I frickin' hate wasps. With a passion. We may still have mice in the laundry room but I'm not sure. They've either gotten sneakier or they've moved up to our bedrooms. I frickin' hate mice. With a...never mind.

SD has an 8 am soccer game, which means we have to be up at practically the crack of dawn, or maybe it just feels that way since I want to sleep until noon. Gumby has a play in a class where I've already paid a boatload for him to be in it, but now have to pay for the performance tickets to boot. And the two of them tried out for a local summer production that is costing an arm and a leg, and even though everyone had to "audition", anyone who tried out got a part, because god forbid they'd turn anyone away at those prices. So for the equivalent of all the household utilities for the month (or a tank of gas), I'm the proud parent of two Oompah Loompahs.

I have a few friends who are totally pissed off at me because they're tired of my hiding out and not returning their phone calls. Some of them have taken to just hunting me down like a rat and dragging me out of the house kicking and screaming. Now that word has gotten around work about what's going on with me, I've started getting invitations to do things after work, which, being me, I totally blow off, which makes people either pissed or more determined. I've even heard the dreaded words "I have a friend who would be perfect for you." Cool. A blind date at some point in the distant future. That sounds great. As soon as I finish chewing my own foot off I'll get back to you.

Well, that's a start. Damn. That felt good.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't call that whining, I'd call it venting. It does feel pretty damn good to get it out doesn't it?

auntie barbie

WT said...

Geeze Louise! I've got three dogs that sleep on my bed and are scared of storms too, but you never hear me complaining!

ped crossing said...

Okay, so they never learn to flush, but do they learn to aim?

Ever want to climb under a rock? Now might be a good time.

I'll admit it, that might have been whining, but it was well deserved. And I use my primary care physician, so some people still do. Go to sleep, you need it.

Kaycie said...

Oh honey, that's not whining. That is world class venting. I'm thinking you need some help. When those well meaning friends ask you to go out, just invite them on over to empty your trash and cook a meal. Hey, they want to help! Let them. Seriously.

I had a girlfriend who would NOT leave me alone when I went through my divorce. We were close, so she knew all my tricks. I decided if I couldn't avoid her, I'd just let her in. Somehow, she always seemed to end up vacuuming.

(I'll be there in a few hours if you'll let me do laundry. Oh, and babysit the boys while you sleep.)

Nearlydawn said...

I KNOW you think you can't afford it right now, but you really, really should look at getting a house cleaning company to come by and do a deep clean on your house. NOTHING makes you feel more de-stressed than having your house right itself. I've done this one for myself when my world had been for one too many spin cycles - it worked wonders. That, my dear, is my Rx for you.

ciara said...

r.c.-it's good to let it all out. can you imagine if you had to keep that crap bottled up inside. it is NOT a good feeling. when i was going through my div i had no one to vent sucked.

as far as the phone issue...if the sim card is still good in their phone, you can always buy a prepaid (verizon) phone (similar to att's go phone) and put it in there. not sure if best buy, target, etc., sell verizon ones. tmobile and att for sure though.

Metamorphic Sweet Wood Irene said...

Good for you, sweetheart. You tell it like it really is, no need to hold up a fake facade that you are hiding behind making us think that you are just fine and not all shook up. My goodness, as if life is something you just do casually in between grocery shopping.

You have legitimate reasons to vent your anger and frustrations, my god woman, is anybody helping you get through all of this shit?

I hope FG is taking some responsibility on his shoulders too, or is he just walking away from it all?

Here is one enormous big hug for you. SQUEEZE!

Carolyn said...

Damn girl. When you turn pro you do it in style. Standing O from over here.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... wish I was closer. I'd come over and empty your garbage cans for you. And maybe all that testosterone would rub off on me and help with the egg production, so it could be a win-win situation.

Keep on truckin'. It seriously can't last like this forever. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

Oh. And I wouldn't touch that blind date with a ten-foot pole. With your luck it would be with your Vicodin friend/fiend...

Rudee said...

Oh my! That wasn't whining, it was venting. How about printing this post and placing it where the slackers can read it? You need to start divvying up the chores around there. Privileges have a price and should be earned.

And call someone to get the (unwanted) critters out of the house.

Akelamalu said...

Definitely a vent not a whine!

You need to sit your kids down and give them all a chore each in return for all the running around you do for them and so you don't have to face it when you get home honey. They're never to young to do their little bit and every little bit helps. If you don't do this you're gonna burn out and who'll look after them then?

Chin up gal. xx

softinthehead said...

I agree with Nearlydawn, it does help me mentally to know my house is in order, so if you can't afford to pay someone, take an extra day off and DIY and when you have finished sit down and put your feet up and enjoy the sense of achieving something from start to finish. What I am sensing is that you feel a complete lack of control over your life, family house etc. at the moment. Try and take one part of your life back - not the job that seems to stress you out too much at the moment. I know you need the money but you also need your peace of mind. Good luck :) Can you imagine if we all turned up on your doorstep, you would have a very clean house - sorry we are all so far away. But definitely with you in spirit.

laurie said...


for gods sake.

i hear you, on all of this. but you cannot work 11 out of 12 days, have one day off, and then go do it again.

for the love of god.

five days. two days off.

you might have to get a new foundation and a new roof but, it's not going to do you any good if you're in the loony bin.

you don't see FG working 12 days in a row, do you?'
please. listen. to. me. your surrogate therapist.


you SHOULD not work every single available shift there is.

laurie said...

i like nearlydawn's suggestion, too. it's not THAT expensive.

cheaper than getting the boys a new phone.

Jen said...

RC, I know I haven't been commenting here a whole lot, but I have been reading (which I 'm sure your stat counter has told you!)...that being said, vent, whine, rage, cause a kerfuffle or anything else that helps you get through everything you're going through.

As my gran used to say "Better out, than in!" Although, I'm pretty sure she was referencing a different kind of shit...the principle still applies. *grin* And I know you need the money, but I think I agree with need to take a day or two. If you don't something bad will happen.

Shubhajit said...

I love to read all of ur story...interesting...

Iota said...

That's MUCH better (although I think it's venting not whining, technically speaking). Makes a great read, if you want to know.

I think you should cut out the odd shift. You don't have to run quite so hard (or is it easier to keep running than to stop?) Sorry - none of my business.

I like Nearlydawn's suggestion of a house clean. Do it (yes, I know, it means you'll have to tidy first and that's a big task in itself, but get a few of those big tubs, throw the stuff in, forget about it for a while). A clean house does make a difference.

Dumdad said...

Hey, it's your blog and you'll cry if you want to! And rant and whine and whatever. But I hope you soon have really good days and you'll let us know.

Bonne chance!

girl with the mask said...

Did it help?

Flowerpot said...

have a good blow RC and hope you feel better - you need to!

aims said...

I bet you feel much better now.

Swearing Mother said...

Hell's teeth, that's a list. Maybe instead of getting pissed off with you because you're too busy to return calls, you could hint to your friends (and kids) that


and I don't mean in the chemical cosh type of way.

Think it's time to own up that although very very close to it, you are not in fact SUPERWOMAN and unless other folk step up to the mark and give you a bit of help, the SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN.

You can't do it all any more. Make it plain to all of the people who expect too much of you, and of course yourself.

Even kids can pick up toilet paper. They can do the dishes. Your friends could give you a break and get some shopping in for you. I am sure they would love to, but if you are anything like me, you just can't bring yourself to ask. You think you can cope.

Well, RC, you can't. Ask for help before you GO OFF BANG.

Here endeth a rant according to Swearing Mother.

Maggie May said...

The toilet thing is a boy/man thing. Why do they have to read on the loo?
You are definitely not whining! Every one needs to rant. I know I've done it enough!

ped crossing said...

I hope your day off refreshed your spirit at least a little.

Rest, rest, rest. Delegate, delegate, delegate. You will make it.

Anonymous said...

I wish things were not so stressful for your right now. I think venting is healthy, and God knows you have every right to do it.
Wish I could do more or say something that would help. Just know that things definately will get better, this I really believe. Hang in there when the tough days hit and get as much rest as you can. Alone time right now is not such a bad thing, your still on the phone, blogging etc.
Sending love and friendship.

Potty Mummy said...

It may be more trouble than it's worth but how about kill or cure with the boys: anything left around the house goes straight in the trash. I know it still means you have to pick it up in the first place, but once it's gone, it's gone. And you never know - it might teach them a lesson... (and if you don't have the heart to actually throw it, just dump the bags in the basement and let them think you've done your worst until you decide to relent?). And just for fun, you could include FG's belongings in this experiment too. I have a friend who does this with any spare change her husband leaves lying around, for example. If it's unclaimed, it's hers...

the mother of this lot said...

Actually, it SOUNDED quite good too!

Pamela said...

you needed to let it out.
We need to remind you to take better care of yourself.

I agree with potty mommy.
Get a sack and start taking those things and hiding them

Corey~living and loving said...

hugs. Sometimes we just need to let it all out. I'm thinking of you.

Jettie said...

There is just something about your writting that captavates could be that except for going threw some of the things you are kids are constantly fighting and will not pick up a darn which i will be driving to town today to get garbage bage to show them how darn serious I am about picking things up!!! and the one thing i thought of was i so am sick of my kids NOT cleaning out the sink after brushing there tonight Iam gonna inform them I used one of one of there toothbrushes to clean it out for them and I'll laugh inside at the look on their faces!!! I hope you have a better day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the planet of janet said...

ok, NOW you're talkin'!!!!!!!

my solution: stop working so damned hard.

there. wasn't that easy?

Kaytabug said...

WAY TO GO GIRL! That was a most fabulous vent! I think probably a very long overdue one!!

Jo Beaufoix said...

That was fabulous. You should do that more. Hugs sweetie. Just catching up. x