Saturday, March 15, 2008

and I live in a small town...



This was a Bunco week, but to tell the truth I wasn't too excited about it. I wasn't thrilled about breaking my news to the eight out of eleven other gals who didn't know. We go way back, but I'm finding that there is no real casual way to let this particular cat out of the bag. It's like when you're pregnant and dying to tell someone, but the right moment doesn't come. ("Will that be cash or charge?" "Why yes, thanks, I am pregnant!")


The situation was complicated because we were breaking tradition and not playing at someone's house, due to a home remodeling project gone wild. We were meeting at the local bowling alley instead to do a kind of Lebowski Bunco, which is a horrifying thought in itself and I need to get it out of my head as fast as possible. The thought of standing up in a loud and boisterous bowling alley full of frat boys and spilling my guts didn't do a lot for me, so I decided ahead of time not to. I would catch up with them all later somehow and bring them up to speed. That was the plan, anyway. I should have known better.


When four separate people asked me what the hell was wrong with me, I almost caved. But I didn't. After the bowling most everyone headed to the attached bar. I ducked out and went home, arriving just in time to watch everything in my bedroom that didn't belong to me move out. Do I know how to party or what?


It's taken me the better part of today to put together the pieces of what happened in the bar after I left, but I've finally got it all figured out. All it took was five phone calls and a lot of non-lice head scratching. But here's what took place after I went home - taking my "secret" with me. One of the gals left to go meet someone else in another restaurant. My good buddy Elly Mae, who knows more about this whole situation than any decent human should have to, was having a drink and minding her own business when another of our bunch leaned back on her stool and mouthed "oh, my god, are they getting a divorce??" and EM was left open mouthed and wondering where the hell that came from.


I'll tell you where that came from. The friend who left to go the other restaurant was sitting with a friend there when an acquaintance of hers came up to the table and started chatting. The acquaintance said Hey, don't you know RC? and my friend said Sure do, and the acquaintance, who works with the FG, said Did you hear they're getting a divorce? and my friend said No way and the acquaintance said Way and then my friend picked up her blackberry and texted her best friend in the Bunco bar and said Oh my god, are they getting a divorce?, at which point that friend collared Elly Mae knowing that she would have the full scoop of dirt, and nailed her squirming little body to the wall.


(It kind of reminded me of that college party I was at all those years ago where a guy I'd never met before was telling me all about this couple he had been on a ski trip with who were embarrassing the rest of the group with their, uh, nocturnal noises. I'm not sure which of us was more horrified when we both realized the vocal man in question was my boyfriend at the time who had told me he was going skiing with "the guys". Oops).


There are no secrets in a small town. And that's something this LA girl is learning fast.

27 comments:

ped crossing said...

At least the cat is out of the bag? I hope they all immediately sent you love and support.

I call these things small world moments. And they happen way too often to be coincidence.

Hang in there.

ciara said...

omgosh, r.c. i just how shit gets around in a small town. some people really ought to mind their own business. it would have been better if you could have told them. and yikes on the old bf thing.

i know this must be hard for you, but just hang in there. we all love you, and if i were there, i'd have to give some of those nosy nellies a piece of my mind!

Carolyn said...

Damn technology! Blackberries, cell phones, texting... Back in the day you actually had to go find a carrier pigeon (or at least a phone) before you could tell anyone anything, and by that time you'd probably moved onto someone else's gossip.

Sorry all of this sucks bad. In the meantime, go buy a really expensive pair of jeans that make your ass look fabulous. It always works for me.

Thalia's Child said...

Miranda Lambert released a song called 'famous in a small town' last summer(?). Upon moving back to Hometown, it became my anthem. There were just so many people who knew me - and knew everything about me from when I was a kid.


I'm going to loan it to you for a while.

It sucks when people can't respect your privacy. Particularly for the big stuff you'd rather keep private.

Corey~living and loving said...

and so it begins. sigh....
hang in there. Hopefully, most of what was said, was said with kindness in their hearts.

Stacie said...

The whole small town thing boggles my mind, too, because wow. That was quick. As ped crossing said, at least it is out of the bag now. It wasn't in the way you expected, but nothing happens the way we expect a lot of the time. It's crappy but true.

I do hope that your friends will be there to love you through the days ahead (as I am sure they will be).

Hugs to you.

Mya said...

It sounds quite surreal - a Lebowski Bunco Night at the bowling alley? You couldn't make it up.
Why does bad news spread faster than good? I've never worked that one out.

Get some rest.

Mya x

belle said...

I'm sorry things aren't dancing to the tune you're trying to pipe. Not fair. Not fair at all.

Akelamalu said...

The grapevine does the job every time doesn't it? :(

Anyway everyone knows now so you don't have to say anything do you. You have a difficult time ahead but you'll get through. xx

softinthehead said...

OMG - chin up - so know everyone knows - keep moving forward. As Carolyn said spoil yourself and if she could let me know where to buy those magic jeans!!

laurie said...

this would have happened in L.A., too.

when i got divorced years ago from Scott Baio, i didn't know how to tell people,either.

so i wrote them letters. that included my parents, who lived one mile from me. i just couldn't face saying those words out loud, over and over again, and then having to deal with people's reactions. again and again.

a letter might seem rather Victorian, but it worked for me.

Rudee said...

You know the old adage that misery loves company. Small town or not, people like to wallow in the misery of others; it takes the focus off their own. It won't be long until the focus falls on someone else. As the proverb says, this too shall pass.

Eileen said...

Why do people love to gossip, and get into other people's business? To keep the focus off their own crap? Hold your head high and don't get on their level. You can't control what they say, you can control how you react to it. Staying on the high road, isn't always easy, but in the end, it is the best. Focus on yourself and your boys, the rest is just crap.
Love you.

aims said...

In the end - it doesn't matter who knows.

Do you really care if they know? Does it change your life if everyone knows?

Not one little bit. Not right at this moment. But in the end it will. Eventually sides will be taken - which is a tragedy in itself - but you will find out who your real friends are - and just how strong you really are. Which might amaze you - but it won't amaze us.

You're going to be okay - really.

Kaycie said...

When I divorced I had just started working for the local school district. When I filed, I just used our initials. Tulsa is such a big place and our last name was not uncommon. I held my breath and believe it or not, it went under the radar. Of course, I ended up telling those I worked with, but it was nice not to have to discuss it with our patrons who'd seen my name in the paper.

Back in our home town, though, everyone knew before I ever set foot in the place. The ex MIL has a nickname: newspaper. Yep. It sucked and I know just how you feel.

Sandy said...

I do hope that all of your friends remain your friends. At least now, when you go out in public looking like carp (not that you ever would), people will know why and not assume that you have an incurable disease. Of course, they will say, "ah, that's why".

Just kidding.

MarmiteToasty said...

When my X walked out on me and his 4 sons without a backward glance... I couldnt tell anyone for weeks and weeks... it was actually 2 months before anyone knew he was no longer a part of our lives, when I think back I wonder how I kept it all together, what with 4 kids and a job.... I was surprised living in this nosey little village that no one realised earlier.... I for some reason just felt so ashamed.. I know now I had nuffin to be ashamed of :) it was he that should be ashamed....

You will get through this, this is the start of just a different chapter in your book....

Lean on your true friends, they are the ones that will always be there for you and not just fair weather friends....

((((((((((RC)))))))))) OXO

Maggie May said...

RC ..... I am so sorry. I'm sure you will get through this. You sound a strong person. Shame about the gossips but they are probably really concerned about you. Let it ride over you. I'm sure they will be there for you.

ExpatKat said...

Small town gossip - spreads faster than a brush fire. When we told the kids we were moving from our small town in Norway to America, DD2 was devastated. She called her best friend to tell her. 2 hrs later I dropped the girls at their regular dance class and everyone knew our plans!
Take care RC. It's a tough time but we're all rooting for you.
xx

the mother of this lot said...

I know you would have liked it to go at your pace. It's just something new to talk about. It won't last long.

Nearlydawn said...

So sorry you got "outted" before you were ready. I can imagine though, that if you are anything like me, it is easier this way. You didn't have to endure all the gossipy-crap, and the re-hashing of all the reasons and painful points.

I hope you are OK.

I've thought of you often lately... With the new baby, our first, I am a little scared of the rest of my life. Quite a few times I have thought of you, your ability to raise 3 boys, hold down your kick-ass job, and then I think, "If she can do all that, I can do this." Seeing that you have made it has really helped me get through the first few days of my little boy's life.

Hang in there. Big hugs.

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Nothing travels a fast as bad news does it?

Marti said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Faye said...

Any sane person would hope to be able to work through something this painful in privacy. The jungle drums deny us this right. At least you can now meet it head on, deciding how much to reveal to different friends and acquaintences. You will soon see who your true friends are--and this might be surprising.

Frances said...

Saves you having to find the right time. I just hope you don't get false sympathy from people trying to get gossip fodder from you. It is VERY hard to take, believe me.
I don't know how you are feeling about this, hope it is your choice and that you aren't hurting bad as well as having to cope with prurient interest.
Keep strong honey - at least you are going to find out who your friends are and who is just an acquaintance.

Swearing Mother said...

That's annoying, I know you would have wanted this news to break in your own way. But at least it's out there now and you can just let them all discuss it until something new comes up.

Just take care of yourself, RC.

Jo Beaufoix said...

I suppose it's good people know, and hopefully their motives are well intentioned, but I'm sure it's still pretty tough. I'm thinking of you.