Friday, March 21, 2008

hard sell

The Realtor is coming today.


Coming to walk through my house and give her educated opinion on whether we have a chance in hell of selling it in this terrible market. Coming to go from room to room making notes on windows and crown moulding and hard wood floors. Coming to examine comps on houses that have sold in the neighborhood, looking at square footage and lot size and number of bedrooms and bathrooms.


We have a history with her. She helped us buy and sell our very first house, a house I thought we'd never see. Now she's coming to play her unwilling part in our cliched little story, hopefully able to help us sell this, our second house - the house I thought I'd never leave.


And I don't even know where to start as far as what I feel about this. I don't want to leave this house. It's my dream house. I can't get out of this house fast enough. It's been totally ruined for me. I'll find some way to keep it. I can't keep it up on my own. It's too big for me and the boys. It's not fair to ask the boys to move again. Back and forth, over and over...like a metronome gone mad.


I'm going to be very limited in options as far as where we'll live. I'll need to buy, what with three kids and three big dogs. We'll need to stay right in the same neighborhood, smack in the middle of the three schools the kids will go to next year. I'll be back working full-time. They'll have to get themselves to and from school. A lot will change.


There's a little bungalow for sale two blocks away. I've gone to look at it and dragged friends with me for second opinions. It's smaller, but it's perfect. It's been on the market for a couple of months, with the price continuing to drop. Finally, it went up for lease. I drove by it several times a day, bargaining with the fates. If the house was still available when we sold ours, it would be an omen of sorts. A very small sign that things were maybe going to look up even slightly.


Thursday I went from room to room in our house, cleaning and rearranging things, trying to make the house look its best. I walked through, trying to see it from an impartial person's view, trying to get some idea of what she would see.


But all I could think of was what she wouldn't see. The landscaping I've planned for two years that I was going to start this spring. The Painted Lady paint job that I have pictured in my head, right down to the smallest trim color. The mosaic tile on the fireplace that I've imagined since the first day we saw the house. A happy family eating dinner out on the sun porch. She wouldn't see any of these things. But I would. In my head. Forever.


When I couldn't take it anymore I took the kids to see a movie. On the way home we drove past the bungalow.


There's a sale pending sign in the yard.

36 comments:

ped crossing said...

Gosh, RC. I am so sorry. I know how much you love that house. And from the pictures I've seen I love that house.

I'm also sorry that you have to go back to work full time. That is going to be an adjustment. Change is always so hard. And these are big changes.

Somehow it will all work out. Hang in there. Lots of hugs flying your way.

PixelPi said...

Oh RC, too bad about the house. If it's any consolation, it took me 20 years to get into my dream house. I'll die in this house, because we could never afford to move to anything better. It's also too bad about work full time in the ER. That's another double-edged sword...more money, less sanity, etc.

Is there child support in your future? That might help in your new house search...or allow you to stay where you are.

Love, Pixel

Nearlydawn said...

I know what you mean about the "just so" touches you'd add to your house. I see the pictures in my head for our home. I can imagine it is painful to imagine loosing those dreams.

I sure hate it that you are feeling the need to move quickly on the house sale. I'm sure you have thought about it enough to know it needs to happen now though.

Also, I sure wish I could have brought you those peanut butter cookies you needed the other night. I'm a sucker for a friend in need. I would have even helped you eat them - I'm that good a friend! :)

ciara said...

oh ((((r.c.))))i'm so sorry. i know how hard it is...the flip-flopping of feelings. i, too, had the sell the house that my ex and i had just bought, 2 years previous to his leaving, after years of renting. things won't seem rosy right now, but you have a career and your kids. i had no real career, no money, and no job after he left. well, i had a part time job where my x mil worked, but when they fired her, they got rid of me, too. it took me several months to find a job, and i ended up going back to something i wanted to get away from (i was going to school while working part time)...a casino job. it sucked, but i did what i had to.

Rudee said...

I'm so very sorry for your situation right now. You know deep within you are a resilient person. You will find you have the skills and strength to deal with your problems. Full time won't be so bad in our profession. You'll still have more days off than most people do in a week as long as you're working 12s. Keep your chin up.

Carolyn said...

This post almost broke my heart. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I had something smart or thoughful to say that could make you feel just an insie bit better, but I'm young and stupid. What do I know?

The metronome metaphor was a good one.

Does that help?

Hope things brighten up soon.

Eileen said...

RC, I am so sorry to hear about the possibility of moving. I know you have posted about how much you have loved your house, and it seems so unfair and wrong for you, the boys and the dogs to be the ones to have to move. I so wish it could be different.

Keep the faith RC, it will all work itself out, one way or another. It may not seem like it now, but it really will. I believe that with all my heart.
Sending you lots of love and light.
Wish I could send or do more.
XOXOX

Sweet Irene said...

I am sorry, that's so awfully sad. It must be very difficult to go through all of this and yet you are somehow keeping your head above water and I admire you very much for it.

I hope this all has the best possible outcome and that you and the kids will find a good place to live.

I am glad that you have a good job and that you will be able to support yourself. That is one blessing, isn't it?

Stacie said...

Oh, RC, I am sorry. I am having trouble coming up with something to say here, so I just want to tell you that I am sending you a big, giant hug. Hang in there.

Maggie May said...

RC, It is heartbreaking to have to sell a house you love. I can imagine only too well how I'd feel. Also having to work full time, too.
I really hope you get that little bungalow, some how or other, if that is what you want and think that it would suit your purpose.
Things do tend to work out eventually & you seem to be so level headed even with this awful thing hanging over you.
Hope things brighten up for you very soon.

JaniceNW said...

I know your heartbreak of selling houses because one must finacially. I've had to do it twice. I'll pray for the cute bungelow! I'm sorry you have to go through all this!

Hugsfrom Eileen's friend Janice

MarmiteToasty said...

Things look all tits up and upside down right now and your head must be buzzing like a hive of bees..... things will pan out.... you WILL survive whatever is thrown at you.... because you have no choice.....

I was left on the shitpile of life when my X walked away from me and our 4 sons without a backward glance..... but Im still here.....

hugz to you.... as sad as this all seems and the change and upheavel... you have life and kids and dogs and love......and friends

x

Jen said...

The one bright spot, RC, is that the housing market is so shaky, that a sale pending sign doesn't mean what it used to. That sale could fall through, or another perfect house may be waiting for you around the corner.

Okay, for some reason, I can't muster funny or clever in this comment, so I'll quit now.

laurie said...

i'm so pissed at the FG right now i can't even type anything else. and in my head F does not stand for film. believe me.

PISSED.

Akelamalu said...

All this must be so hard for you RC. Is there no way you could buy out FG's share and stay in the house - you've invested such a lot in it? I really feel for you honey, I'm sending Reiki to your situation for a positive outcome. xxx

Anonymous said...

I wish I had something brilliant to say to you except Hugs.

Kaycie said...

I know firsthand how difficult this is for you and the children.

I kept my house. It was hard. I kept it for the kids. It was good, and it was bad, and it was indifferent. Sometimes I think it would have been better if I'd moved.

Whatever happens, you'll handle it with grace and take care of the boys' needs. I am sure of it.

the mother of this lot said...

God, it's torture reading this.

I'm good at praying. I'll pray.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

This reminds me of my mother selling my childhood home when my dad left her. Don't be too hasty is my advice. And take the sale pending sign as a good omen. The market is looking up. You wrote previously about the need for change in your life. As much as you love this house, you'll be able to love another. A house is just a house. It's the people in it who make it a home.

Sandy said...

The metronome metaphor? Absolutely brilliant. The rest of the post? Absolutely heart-breaking. But you already knew that, it's your heart.

I am so sorry for your pain. You and the boys are in my prayers.

Dumdad said...

It is heart-breaking to leave a house you've loved. Good luck in the coming weeks/months...

Diana said...

My heart is breaking for you. It's all just so unbelievably sad. All you and your family have been through and will go through and to have to sell your fabulous house, too.

I have no good words for this but am glad you are sharing this. Change is hard under the best of circumstances. I know things could be worse but they sure could be a lot better.

aims said...

Oh RC....all I can through my tears is - nothing. I am at a loss for words as everything you said touched my heart so deeply and made me just want to stand beside you and look about and share your pain so you wouldn't have to carry it all on your own.

Iota said...

I'm so sorry. A house is a home, and a home is a repository of hopes and dreams and all kinds of emotions. You write it all so beautifully. You touch me.

Happy in the Abyss said...

Wow. That is one of the best things you have ever written and at the same time, I wished that I had never read it. I am sorry that dreams end, love is lost and lives are shattered in an instant. I know that your version of "The Money Pit" is something that, although you can't be there anymore, is what you long for...but I pray for you and the boys every night that you will find peace...and a rich Doctor! LOVE YOU BUNCHES

Swearing Mother said...

OH RC, life's tough for you at the moment. I can't say anything more than everyone else has already said.

So I'm just sending you lots of love.

kathy said...

My heart is breaking for you. I think about you every day and I wonder how you are coping especially about the house. We are both house junkies, so I feel your pain.

Just think, maybe the boys could help pick the next house. Your oldest is 6'4" right? He could earn video game time by painting and fixing the house. With 3 boys you could have quite a crew!

Dave Coulter said...

RC,

(Found your blog via David McMahon's site) With all the good thoughts coming your way it's bound to sort itself out!

Mya said...

RC,
It's so sad reading this post.I'm really sorry you have to sell the house that you love so much.I'm praying for a rich doctor to come and sweep you off your feet, pronto.

Mya x

Corey~living and loving said...

oh me oh my....feeling so inadequate to be of any help to you. Just know I am thinking of you....and hoping a ray of sunshine is working it's way to you.

janet said...

oh, hon, i'm sorry. i know this is hard.

hang in there.

Wisewebwoman said...

I admire you so much for taking such quick action on everything, I imagine you must have crunched numbers along with the squashing of dreams.
I was where you're at and looking back, oddly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
It didn't seem so at the time though, it was all pain.
I am hoping for the same for you.XO

Rose said...

Wow, I know what you mean. I still get a weird feeling when I go into my old house (my ex still lives there) to pick up one of the girls. It's bittersweet for sure, remembering the good times and hope but also all the pain and loss. My thoughts are with you.

Jo Beaufoix said...

So sorry RC. I know you love that house. And things will change, but you've still got three boys who love you loads, daft mutts to knock you over and leave hair all over your furniture, and hundreds if not thousands of people here who think you're amazing. I'm sure working full time in ER will be tough, but once the dust has settled a bit maybe you can think about what YOU want, and make some changes. You still have choices hon. I know you're at the back of the queue right now, but there will be a time when you can make some choices for you. Love you loads.

Lil Mouse said...

i'm howling for you. i hope that you find something great and that your house sells. hug!

Jettie said...

oohh Iam sorry. so many things for you and your family to go threw. I will be thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome!!