Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sunday Slacker

Just because I'm the laziest blogger in the world, I'm posting a rerun. Hopefully, most of you haven't read this one from last June.

Working in an Emergency Room and before that in a trauma ICU, I'm on a first name basis with Some Dude. Much like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, he's everywhere, at all times, but unlike these postive icons Some Dude seems to have a more nefarious agenda.

Let me give you a scenario.

Patient comes into the ER with three gunshot wounds and a pocket full of cash. Lots of cash. More cash than I'll be seeing this pay period.

ER Doc: What happened?

Patient: I don't (deleted) know what the (deleted) happened. I was just (deleted) hangin' with my (deleted) boys.

ER Doc: And...

Patient: And then Some Dude (deleted) shot me. Shot me in the (deleted) (fill in the blank). I wasn't doin' a (deleted) thing.

ER Doc: Why do you have all this money in your pockets?

Patient: What (deleted) money are you talkin' about? (deleted) Some Dude must've been tryin' to (deleted) set me up. Make me look bad to my (deleted) boys. Only thing I had in my (deleted) pocket before was my grandma's (deleted) bible and now it's (deleted) gone.

Here's another example...

Guy comes in with an alcohol level off the charts and he's just been jumped. Reeks to the heavens and belligerent to boot.

ER Nurse: What happened?

Belligerent guy: What the (deleted) are you talkin' about (deleted)? I was on my way to (deleted) prayer group and Some Dude jumped on me and kicked my (deleted) (deleted).

ER Nurse: Was it someone you know?

Belligerent guy: (deleted), I never saw the dude in my (deleted) life. He just came out of (deleted) nowhere and (deleted) me up. And you know what else he did? He (deleted) stole my brand new bottle of Vicodin I just (deleted) got filled. Guess you need to (deleted) give me a new one, (deleted).

Not only is Some Dude everywhere, but he has a big family, too. This Dude gets around, as does That Bitch. Often they travel as a gang to prey on the unsuspecting innocent walking to church at three in the morning with one pocket full of cash and the other full of crack, meth or ammunition. As in, "I was mindin' my own business when Some Dude kicked me in the head and then This Dude took my money and then That Bitch drove off."

If you see any of these people I'd advise you to steer clear. Evidently, they're capable of anything. Whatever you do, protect your Bibles and your Vicodin.


ped crossing said...

I bet they are related to "nobody." Or maybe "nobody" grows up to be "some dude." Or possibly "not me."

As in "Who colored on the walls?" "Not me" or "Nobody."

-Ann said...

Thanks for reposting that. I'd somehow missed it the first time around, but I really enjoyed it.

Mya said...

I remember thinking this was great the first time I read it - and it stands the test of time. It's a cracking post.

Why not recycle more of your old stuff for some of your new readers? Now, would be a good time to cut yourself some slack. I've told you before, but I really loved that post you wrote about not having a daughter - I thought it was beautifully written and really poignant.

Mya x

Sweet Irene said...

That's great! I hope I never have to mess with that bitch over some dude!

the mother of this lot said...

I agree with ped crossing. 'Not me' gets about a bit as well.

Akelamalu said...

Are they any relation to Mr Nobody?

Kaycie said...

I think they've all got to be related to Mr. Nobody. He lived at my house when I was a kid though no one ever saw him. And according to my children, he's followed me here.

Rudee said...

I think Some Dude and That Bitch have been in the neighborhood near the hospital I work at too. Must be a huge nationwide gang of them.

Marti said...

I read this to Mike and he agress with me that you should be writing a book or at least a compiliation of your blog writings. You are very gifted and funny to boot.

I never saw this blog, as I have not become a 'faithful' reader of your blog site until recently.

Frances said...

Hah! so funny. Thanks I need laughs. No reason, I just need them and you sure provide them. I'm wondering if I need to watch out for That Bitch and Some Dude if I don't have any Bible or Vicodin? LOL

my two cents said...

Classic RC. Just as funny the second time around.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, I loved this the first time and it's just as good. I'm with Mya, do some recycling and have a break. Your posts are fab and I bet there are some even we haven't read yet. xx

Stacie said...

Loved it the first time and still do. Great post for a repeat.

Have I been reading you that long? Wow. I guess I had no idea! You are so good that it doesn't seem that way! ;-)

Carolyn said...

Great stuff. I never saw it the first time, so I'm happy for the rerun. Thanks!