susie montana

Surfer Dude was filling me in on the soap opera goings on in his classroom.


"Well, Julia broke up with Connor today but then Daniel got her on the rebound," he explained. "She decided that she really wasn't so into the bad boys and wanted someone who could make a commitment."


I listened mutely, afraid to even open my mouth.


"It all worked out though," he continued. " She and Daniel went out for about four hours once over Spring Break, so it isn't like they have nothing in common."


I took the plunge.


"Do you have any thoughts on the whole girlfriend thing?" I asked warily, fingers crossed behind my back.


"Nah," he answered. "Life's too short to be tied down."


They're in the fifth grade.


This particular girl has been a thorn in Surfer Dude's side for years, and to add insult to injury lives across the street from us. (As I write this she's on the sidewalk shouting his name, hoping he'll rise to the bait and come outside). I've always kind of thought of her as the Susie Derkins to his Calvin, but she's all of sudden gone from ten to about sixteen. She's wearing lip gloss and tossing her hair and is always perfectly accessorized on the playground. She's a little Hannah Montana clone, with a horde of female followers mimicking her every move. The kid has always been high maintenance, but it's getting a little scary.


SD is laying on the sofa next to me, trying to lay his disgustingly filthy socks on my legs. He's (surprise!) clutching the remote and watching Man vs. Wild, as the guy on TV is cooking and eating a slow puff adder. His jealousy is palpable. Simultaneously, he's trying to figure out how to talk me into letting him go all summer without changing his clothes and planning a burp contest for his birthday party next week. He's ten going on six.


Thank god.