Gyno-Fest

I'm sure this was supposed to be a one day thing and I've missed it, but...


Jen at A Snowball's Chance... posted this yesterday, and being the way I am I thought I'd crash the party. You really cannot take me anywhere. My social skills leave a lot to be desired and my blog archives prove it.


Brillig, over at Twas Brillig, and Amy from The Butrfly Garden, are the hosts of this little round table that they've dubbed The Gyno-Fest. The idea is that we share our horror stories about our OB/GYNs and the heinous things they may have done to us. Go over to their sites, and you can sign up if you wish to participate. (Or you could be too late like I most likely am). Oh well, it's a post.


First off, allow me to say that any males reading this needn't be getting their testes in a twist, as, unlike my work stories, I don't have any really graphic OB/GYN tales.Or personal bad ones, for that matter. For the most part I've had fabulous OBs. Of course there was the one when my wonderful doctor assured me after the birth of Gumby that my childbearing days were indeed over. When I got pregnant with Surfer Dude seven months later, after what I remain convinced was an Immaculate Conception, all she could say was "Oops." Four years of college, four years of medical school, seven years of residency and untold years of practice and that's the best she could do? Oops?


Actually my favorite OB/GYN horror story doesn't involve me at all, except as an interested bystander. It was during my labor and delivery rotation in nursing school, a rotation I had been dreading since the day I got my acceptance letter. ER nurses typically don't have much nice to say about L& D. I can't tell you why this is, but on the occasions some poor crowning pregnant woman shows up on our doorstep we can't get her upstairs fast enough. Maybe all those happy people vibes get on our nerves and mess with our doom and gloom aura.


Anyway, I was observing at a delivery that was going perfectly smoothly. Until the doctor showed up. This guy was an a**hole of the first magnitude. Arrogant, rude, condescending and on a power trip for the decades. Several of the nurses simply refused to work with him, as his favorite thing was to yell at nurses until they cried. He threw instruments, raged about things taking too long and had been known to hurl an entire sterile tray across the room if something was not exactly to his specifications. He was also, it must be added, drop dead gorgeous, young, busy beyond belief and adored by his patients, half of whom had the hots for him.

Well, this one nurse, let's call her Sally, was not the flappable type. As a matter of fact she usually gave as good as she got. She was also an excellent nurse. People had run around frantically as soon as they knew he was on the way in, getting everything set up perfectly for him. Sally set up his tray herself. He walked in, schmoozed the laboring woman, and reached for his gloves. Wrong size. He threw them on the floor and shouted for the right gloves. She grabbed another pair. Bingo. He asked for an instrument, but in such a way that it was difficult to know what he meant. She took a guess and gave him what he didn't want.


Now bear in mind that not only the necessary personnel were in the room, but also
family and a whole slew of nursing students. He gave her a look that would have melted mortals and said, through clenched teeth, "Either get me what I need or find someone who can." She asked what, specifically, he wanted. He said any nurse worth a lick would know exactly what he wanted. She guessed again and handed him an instrument. This was the right one. He turned away from her and got to work.


When he swung around a minute later he stuck out his hand and she slapped a suture kit into it. He looked at it puzzled and said,"What the hell is this for?"


And Sally said,"Oh, that's for the new asshole you're about to rip me."


We watched, stunned. She smiled sarcastically at him, basically inviting him to lighten the heck up and get the focus back on the laboring woman where it belonged.


Finally he looked at her and said, "No problem. Do you have another set for your mouth?"


He never even cracked a smile.