Wednesday, October 17, 2007

roll the dice

It's Bunco night, it's Bunco night. (Insert my convulsively maligned happy dance here). And it's not at my house, so all I have to do is shove my flattened boobs into a shirt and show up. Whoo hoo!

For all of the innocents out there who are unfamiliar with Bunco, here's the scoop. If you don't feel like clicking on the nice blue type, I'll give you a down and dirty lowdown. Bunco is a game invented by women who were desperate to have an organized reason to get out of the house. There are twelve of us in our group (which is the normal number). Every member hosts at her house once a year, which means that for the other eleven you just show up like a hungry and thirsty slug. There are massive amounts of food and equally impressive amounts of spirits. You have the chance to win money or take home a loser prize that is often worth more than the money. It's a fun, relaxing, non-judgmental way to spend a night with a bunch of women who all know each other far too well for their own good.

The hard part of Bunco is when it's your turn to put it together. As a matter of fact, tonight is my friend Laurie's night to host and she has the slightly dazed edge in her voice to prove it. And her husband's a professional chef. I don't know why this is, because these are some of my best friends in the world, but we all stress out when it's our turn. Home projects get put on fast track, fabulous culinary spreads appear and all of our abodes end up looking a hell of a lot better than they normally do. (Except for our one Martha Stewart clone, who we suspect lives like this all the time. If I didn't love her so much I'd arrange a concrete shoes accident for her. She's skinny, too. And has kids who do every chore on their list without complaint. Hmmm...may need to rethink that accident).

I used to make myself nuts over this. And if you haven't figured it out by now, when I go nuts I like to take others with me. My own achilles heel is my food. I like to cook and I like it when people say nice things about my cooking. In past years I have come up with amazing spreads that people raved about. Well, I hear they raved. I was in the kitchen at the time putting together California Rolls. Or double dark chocolate truffles. Or something else equally time consuming. (BBQ chicken pizza on a homemade crust, anyone?) My house was always pristine and I didn't care how many days after Bunco the FG went without talking to me because I had been such a biatch leading up to it. It was Bunco Night! The one night of the year where we had to fake living a civilized life in a civilized house.

That all came to a screeching halt a few years back. I was in nursing school. I don't even remember what I made to eat, to prove my point that it wasn't terribly memorable. Something with cream cheese is all that comes to mind. (Remember this, it's important later). In my mad rush, I somehow overlooked vacuuming the big Oriental rug in the living room that was covered with dog hair clumps.They clung to the edges of the rug, showing off their density against the hard wood floor. Then, while I was doing the last minute rush things before people got there, Surfer Dude ran across the kitchen floor carrying a package of very soft cream cheese. He lost his balance and somehow ended up with cream cheese on both of his hands. But that's okay, because he managed to stop his flight across the dining area by grabbing onto the sliding glass door out to the deck, leaving a cream cheese trail from one end of the door to the other. He was worried that I was going to be mad, so he tried as hard as he could to wipe it off with his cream cheese hands. Now the streak was a big finger painting looking swirl.

I mentally said a lot of really bad words, sent him off to find his father in the family room downstairs and headed for the windex. But then the front door bell rang and I completely forgot about it. For the rest of the night. Even though you could not possibly miss it if you were anywhere near the area, I just blocked it out.

It was a very fun night anyway. And as I stood at my front door hours later waving goodbye to people, I couldn't help noticing that they all had dog hair butts from sitting on my floor. My filthy floor that I had totally forgotten to vacuum. And at that exact moment, my brain decided to unblock the cream cheese and I saw it in all it's dry, white, crusty glory all over my door. Martha Stewart is safe from me. Forever.

The next day I got calls saying how nice the evening was,which leads me to believe two things. One, that it really doesn't matter how bad your house looks with friends and Two, that these women are really desperate for a night out.

What do you think?


ciara said...

anytime we expect company are the ONLY times our house looks REMOTELY clean. i'm not sure if the house looks like a tornado swept thru it because i'm lazy, i hate cleaning, or a combination of both. if i were to wage a bet...probably the latter. did i mention i also hate washing, ironing, and all that domesticated stuff, too? lol maybe i could rename my blog something similar to yours 'confessions of a rotten housewife'

Sweet Irene said...

I think we make ourselves go nuts about the way our houses look and the way our food tastes much too much. We really do all try to be like Martha Stewart and we buy into that whole thing whole heartily and we should stop it. We make ourselves and our families crazy for believing we can pull the wool over other people's eyes for one glorious night. Let's stop the nonsense right now and protest it and boycott it. Who dares to? I am game if you are!

Potty Mummy said...

I'd never heard of Bunco but now I've read your post I am mentally compiling a list of 11 friends already...

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

I think I want to join your Bunco group. Sounds like really good fun. Who cares if you have dog hair and cream cheese everywhere?Not your friends -- your real ones anyway. I always get in a dither when I entertain (which I don't do much of anymore) and clean the house (which I don't do much of anymore) and spend the day cooking (which I don't do much of anymore) and shouting (which I do loads of still). Then I'm exhausted and don't get to spend nearly enough time with my guests.

Flowerpot said...

I agree - the only time we ever had a clean house is before my mother arrives. I always think that friends dont mind what your house looks like - well, I never mind what other people's houses look like. but then I'm not particularly houseproud.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh I want a Bunco night.
I am also less than erm, regular witht the cleaning and tidying, in fact, often if we do a big mad clean up, Misses E and M ask who's coming. Hee hee.

Sounds a fab idea though. Sweet Irene is right. We need to relax and stop worrying. They're coming to see us, not our decoration.

Dumdad said...

Bunco sounds fun. Idiotic but fun!

auntie barbie said...

I agree with sweet irene, but I really do want my house to look like Martha Stewarts. Sometimes I get close now that the kids have left home, but then the dogs will come bounding in wet & full of mud or the cat will hoark on the floor.
I've never heard of Bunco. I need to find out more.

laurie said...

no. 1 is the right answer. truly.

they don't show up at your house becasue they want fussy food; if that were the case, they'd all bunco at a restaurant.

i say, make some crock pot chili, open up a pack or two of double-stuf oreos, and relax.

how'd the mammo go?

Kaycie said...

I'm leaning heavily toward number one with a dash of number two. Besides, everyone else's house always receives less scrutiny from me than my own. I think everyone is like that. A good time was had by all, so, it doesn't really matter, does it? I'd say your friends love ya, girl.

Willowtree said...

I think they were just too polite to mention what a poor housekeeper you were.

Seriously though, we all get a little crazy when we have guests coming, but I know for my part, when I visit I'm there for the laughs and the food, not to do an inspection.

la bellina mammina said...

Sounds like fun!!!

ped crossing said...

I thought we cleaned to keep the illusion that we have it all together. Real friends know the truth and love us anyway.

Before book group I feel like I could put a for sale sign out front, that is the only other time my house has ever looked that good.

Corey~living and loving said...

I used to play Bunco...LOVED.IT!!!! and I liked that once or twice a year I had to do the mad spring cleaning to get the house presentable. I am the type that needs the incentive, but I usually went low key with the cooking. I wanted to just sit back and relax with my friends. :)
hope you have a fab time tonight. roll those boobies up and tuck them in, and go. :)

VB Bunko Babe said...

You are hilarious! You missed your calling... Bunko is a blast for your friends and an excuse to verbally abuse your family! Ladies, you should try it.

Jen said...

I belonged to a mom's group briefly in Memphis...and they were really big on Bunco. It just wasn't something I got into, myself. But I think everyone needs time out away from the house!

And I agree with the other folks. A little shmear of cream cheese on the walls makes you human *grin*

laurie said...

i would just like to mention here that, sadly, i am NOT the laurie mentioned in this post. though i sure would like to be.

Diana said...

Oh, so THAT'S bunco! I've always wondered. I had a patient years ago who played with her group of friends weekly. She was rabid about it and nothing got in the way of her bunco nights. She was also 99 years old, did all her own housework and yard work and made me laugh fit to burst every time I got to see her.

If bunco turns you into someone like her, sign me up now!

ahna said...

That sounds like a blast! If Daddyman can have fantasy football, I get Bunco. Hooray!

PixelPi said...

Bunco would, alas, give me an anxiety attack. Oh, my house would be clean and the horsie douvers and Ben & Jerry's ice cream would be waiting in the freezer. But I would be in a coma (as in "Please don't try to pry the Xanax bottle from my hand or I'll have to hurt you. Leave me alone and go get a beer."

I seem to be just the opposite of Bunco Women. I do my housework and vacuum up vast quantities of cat hair every day. I have no kids to spread cream cheese for me. But, alas, I do not know 11 other weirdos like myself to Bunco the evening away with.

Is there virtual Bunco? Hmmm. Might work, especially since a) you don't need to clean and b) you can eat/drink whatever you want because you're in you own house.

Hope your mamms are still attached and your Bunco evening is just nutso fun. Please make a video so we can all watch!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

ciara - I love the name Confessions of a Rotten Housewife. Can we share it?

sweet irene - I know, it's stupid. No one cares a damn what our house looks like except us. I'll join your boycott!

potty mummy - honest to god, the two things that enabled me to make a life after we moved were a co-op pre-school and Bunco. It all kind of moved forward from there.

wakeup - it's a really fun group. And the interesting thing is that we're all kind of different from each other in certain ways. But it works.

flowerpot - I go crazy before company comes in from out of town. And then, five minutes after they walk in the door it looks like the devil again. You can't win.

jo - I think life is too short for a constantly clean house. I may feel differently when my kids are grown. Then again...

dumdad - totally idiotic and totally fun.The more you drink, the more of each it becomes.

auntie barbie - Bunco is a little like meatloaf. Everyone does it slightly differently. If you'd like I can tell you how our group is set up. It works pretty well.

laurie - mammo went fine. I didn't hear anything today from the radiologist, so I'm hopeful all is well. I was half expecting a call all day saying Come In NOW! I'll tell ya - I've got catastrophic thinking down!

kaycie - we all have a good time no matter what. I don't know why we get all stressed. Women!

willowtree - oh, they'd tell me alright. In no uncertain terms.

bella - it is!

ped crossing - ha! That's funny. I wonder where I could find a sign.

corey - I work better with incentive too. There's nothing like a deadline to fire me up.

vb bunko babe - welcome! you sound like the voice of bunco experience. Isn't it fun??

jen - it all has to do with the group of women. Truly. The wrong group messes the whole thing up. I've been there.

laurie - well, hell, woman...come and play with us!

diana - that's a very cool patient! I think a lot of it is about the support and the camaraderie.

ahna - you should start one. I'm happy to pass on any info you might need. It's SO much fun!

pixelpi - Virtual Bunco. Oh, my god. You may be on to something. No houses to clean, no one to see you drink too much...must think on this.

my two cents said...

I knew it, before I got home and read this, you had up tomorrow's post!

VB bunko babe said...

Virtual bunko,(my group actually voted and decided to use a "k" in place of the "c", how anal are we!!), a great idea! But how will I get to bust on you about how you got home so late that you fell asleep in the driveway and your husband had to come and look for you!!

Nearlydawn said...

All I know is that my baby (in the belly) hates you right now - for making me laugh so hard I woke it up. :)

I'm sure it will forgive you, but damn you have a way of telling a story. Can you come over and write my life too?!?!?

Love it - "...and I saw it in all it's dry, white, crusty glory all over my door."