Monday, November 24, 2008

so much for Barbie


Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb sauntered into the triage room and plopped down. They had a little Tweedle-ette with them, a girl in the eight to ten range. She wasn't their daughter, and they never did make it clear exactly how she was related to them, even when they were asked directly. Tweedle-Dumb tried to take control of the whole question and answer process, but the nasty Nurse Ratchet wouldn't let him. He sulked through the entire thing.


Tweedle - Dee's chief complaint? "It hurts when we have intercourse and he's really deep inside me and I'm on top."


Nurse Ratchet - biting back the three things she wants to say immediately-


#1. "Well, then, why don't you stop?"


#2. "And this is an emergency WHY?"


#3. "Honey, from the looks of him, if I were in that position I'd be hurting, too."



And then one that she couldn't stop herself from saying out loud. "Do you really want this little girl in here listening to all of this?"


"Oh, it's fine," said Tweedle-Dee. "She hears all about this stuff from her dad anyway."


"Duh," said Tweedle-ette, mortally offended. "It's not like I'm a kid or anything."

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know who you endure ...
Now I know why I never became a nurse.


(ps. sounds a little like child abuse

Anonymous said...

how you endure. apparently I'm not a writer, either.

Rudee said...

How sad to be 8 and be so worldly. As for the rest of it, I need an emesis basin. Stat.

As for anon's first comment before amended, I feel for you having to endure WHO you have to also.

Altaglow said...

I don't understand how you don't sometimes scream your way through the day.

Tomorrow, very early, I'm off to jury duty in Los Angeles County. Probably to hear some stories about how someones ears got mysteriously nailed to a fence, or even worse recitals. This only happens to me, however, once a year. Apparently this can happen to you anytime you show up for work. Take many deep breaths, my darling warrior, and keep remembering the real reason you are where you are. Much love,

The Boisterous Butterfly said...

And you're not allowed to send people away and say to them, "I'm sorry, but this is not an emergency"? What a waste of money. You should have laughed them right out of the door. You and the whole ER team.

Nearlydawn said...

Oooo Butterfly brought up a goooood point...

I'm very, very sorry for that little girl. :(

A few years ago I realized that a childhood friend of mine was probably sexually assaulted at home. She didn't seem to exhibit outward signs exactly. That is until I thought about it when I was 25 or so and realized it wasn't normal for a little girl to know THAT MUCH about how sex really, really works.

She wanted to "show me sex" one night when we were about 8. I was too modest and grossed out, but after her self-demonstration I knew she was "mature" in that area of knowledge. Man. What a mind-fu$k.

You just never know what's going on in people's houses...

Maggie May said...

I'm sure that should have been picked up!

Never should be amazed at anything I hear but this takes the biscuit.

ciara said...

now that's just WRONG.

softinthehead said...

That's the kind of thing that makes me despair of our society going forward. Do kids really WANT to know this stuff? God I was soooo innocent as a child.

Frances said...

that really scares me and makes me feel sick. I can't begin to understand some people. anon is right both times, I think most of what you have to endure is exposure to the 'minds' of people we just wish weren't around us and our kids.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I think I would have cried. This is a terribly sad situation for you or any nurse to be in and I admire you so very much for dealing with it.

CJ xx

Jenn And The City said...

And I think my job sucks.

aims said...

I wondered too why you couldn't say this wasn't an emergency and booted them out - and reported about the child.

What crap.